Totally All Yours

3

**TRIGGRR WARNING**
SU*C*DAL THOUGHTS
ATTEMPTED SU*C*DE
MENTION OF BLOOD

You can hear your soulmates thoughts. Yours happens to be Chrollo.

Y/n's p.o.v

I was quietly placing my books back on the shelf in the library before I headed for the door to get back home. Looking outside, I was faced with the unfortunate sight of rain pouring down. Not ideal weather when you have to walk home.
As I walked, the sound of rain kept me hurdled in my thoughts that poke at me everyday.

Ever since the age of 15 I have been waiting to hear the thoughts of my soulmate. The one that is destined to only be with me for whatever may be the rest of our lives.  Most of my friends have heard theirs. Some say that if you don't hear it then you are destined to be alone forever, but I don't think that's true. And honestly I don't believe in destiny. Hearing their thoughts or not, I believe there's someone for everyone, even if they are not "meant" to be their soulmate.

I think we have the ability to work that out.

The weather was groggy. Wet and gloomy. The air was filled with fog and the smell of mud. Everytime my feet hit the ground the sound of water filled my ear. Its been raining for some hours now I assume. I don't know how long ago it started since I was in the library for so long. I tend to finish a book everytime I visit. As I turned the corner of the street my house was on, a mumbling sound came about around me. It was a soft and chilling voice and honestly it startled me. It stopped me dead in my tracks.

I looked around but saw noone there. This must be it. I can finally hear my soulmate.

"IT'S ALL MY FAULT"

He sounds sad.

"IF I HAD NOT BEEN BORN, I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABANDONED. IF I JUST DO IT, IT'LL ALL BE OVER WITH."

"NO, DON'T THINK ABOUT IT."

It's bad. Everything, it's all so sad. His childhood, his life, his present.

"ONCE YOU DO IT. IT'LL ALL BE OVER"

Oh no.

...

Bad bad things.

Chrollo's p.o.v

"PLEASE DON'T DO IT!"

My fingers clenched the hem of my soaked shirt. That must be her. She can finally hear my thoughts. I've been waiting for someone to hear them. I have wished for the last three years that someone would just know how painful it is for me to be alive.

"I'M COMING TO FIND YOU."

She's on her way here. I wonder what she'll look like. Then again I may not be here to see. I've gotten to know some pretty bad people in my not so long lifetime. They've taught me things that are probably against the nature of our new dna. They taught me how to shut off my thoughts from my soulmate.

"PLEASE DONT SHUT THEM OFF."

What is a soulmate anyway? No soul would ever be a match with mine. I'm too broken. Too caught up in chaos to be someone's soulmate.

The sun was setting. The sky was so deeply painted in red and orange it looked like a sky of blood.

"I'M ALMOST THERE."

I guess I should go ahead and shut my thoughts off.

"NO-"

That means I can no longer hear hers either. Looking over the edge of this rundown building that I've been living in, an unsettling feeling came up in me. This is my only way out of this hole. Well that's ok. I'm not gonna miss anything and nothing is going to miss me.

I climbed my way onto the slippery edge of the crumbling cement. Then the wind picked up. Perfect, just a little something to make this easier. I suddenly felt the urge to throw myself down. I looked up to the dark red sky for one last look before I closed my eyes. Which was paiful because of the rain, but as I felt the cold rain drip onto my eyelids, a wave of calm rushed over me.

"Wait!" Someone shouted from behind me. I opened my eyes and turned around.

This must be her.

"Please, I saw it. I saw everything." She said. She must be talking about thoughts of my childhood. The one I didn't have but I don't really know what else to call that part of my life.

"I am so sorry." A tear rolled down her cheek as she apologized. Why was she apologizing?

And why did her voice sound so peaceful to me?

"You don't have to apologize. Everything's going to be ok once I'm down there." I looked down toward the ground.

"I can feel your pain. Everything that happened to you. Everything you're thinking about, I can feel it all, I promise I can. It's not your fault. You are not alone anymore." Her voice broke as she spoke.

And suddenly my cheeks were wet with tears. What is this? Why am I crying? Honestly, I guess I didn't know what emotion to feel. Angry, relieved, guilty? I don't know.

The only thing I could do was chuckle at my mixed feelings.

"Why did you come here? Was it to change my mind?" I asked her.

"No. I came up here to tell you that I'm not going to leave you. As soon as I heard you in my head, I planned on finding you, and staying." I chuckled in disbelief. She really thinks I'm going to believe that.

"You're only saying that because were destined to be together." I turned once more to see her face, and she had gotten much closer than before.

I had to observe her for a moment because I couldn't believe it.

She had the face of an angel. The ones I hoped would take me in my sleep one day to a better place than this world. I would go anywhere except here.

"No, besides that fact. You are not alone anymore. I am here. You have me, Chrollo. I'm choosing to stay. " The way she said my name. It's like she was calling me back to better days that I never had.

It's quite fortunate that we somehow come to know the name of our soulmate when we hear their voices. It was possibly her saying mine, that made me rethink my decision.

Or it could have been what I saw in her eyes. I saw hope there, a future.

With her.

"Is it alright if you come down for a second?" She asked with her hand out.

I got down without grabbing it and stood infront of her. When I did she swung her arms around my neck.

It's all so sudden. The rush of feeling so hopeful and content just being in her arms.

"If you don't trust what I'm telling you, turn your thoughts back on. I can't hide from you there." She's right.

I decided to turn my thoughts back on.

"I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU. I PROMISE TO STAY RIGHT BESIDE YOU. YOU'RE NOT FIGHTING ALONE ANYMORE, IF YOU WOULD JUST CONSIDER IT."

She really wasn't lying.

"Ok. Show me how I can live this life free of this pain." I told her. She looked down at the ground before looking back up to me.

"I can't show you how to live without it. But I can help you learn to live a life controlling the pain. Not letting it control you." Sounds like a good deal to me.

YOU'RE WHAT I NEEDED

THAT'S WHY IM NOT LEAVING.