Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
A: "You can't tuna fish."
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she will Let it go.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?
A: Kitty Perry
Q: What did the pencile say to the other pencil?
A: your looking sharp.
Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?
A: Lettuce get together!
Q: What is the most hardworking part of the eye?
A: the pupil
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed.
Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A: At the BP station!
Q: What do you call a baby monkey?
A: A Chimp off the old block.
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.
Q: "How do you shoot a killer bee?"
A: "With a bee bee gun."
Q: How do you drown a Hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it!
Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!
Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A: A stamp.
Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them
Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!
Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner?
A: Man, that hit the "spot."
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer!
Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time
Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor?
A: Because it was not peeling well
Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite. Q: What is the best day to go to the beach? A: Sunday, of course!
Q: What bow can't be tied?
A: A rainbow!
Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring time.
Q: Where did the computer go to dance?
A: To a disc-o. Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A: A Bed
Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A: To get a tweetment.
Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A: A Clausterphobic
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch
Q: Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend?
A: Because his friend said dinner is on me.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because he had no-body to go with.
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
Q: What three candies can you find in every school?
A: Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
Q: Why are pirates called pirates?
A: Cause they arrrrr.
Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.
Q: Where do snowmen keep their money?
A: In snow banks.
Q: What washes up on very small beaches?
A: Microwaves!
Q: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?
A: The road!
Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
A: The scientists were brainstorming!
Q: Why did Tony go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn't find a date!
Q: What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A: Hi Cliff! Q: What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent?
A: Show me the honey!
Q: What do you call a funny mountain?
A: hill-arious
Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck!
Q: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
A: (SUPPLIES!)
Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I'm coming down with something!
Q: What do you say when you lose a wii game?
A: I want a wii-match!
Q: How do you make an Octupus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles
Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!
Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A: Post Office!
Q: Why can you never trust atoms?
A: They make up everything!
Q: Where does bad light go?
A: To prism!
