sweven // chase rutherford

xi

y/n's pov ://

we spent most of the day near the pond, which he later dubbed our "base". he had decided to walk me home once the sky started to turn it's usual gradient of dark blues and pinks, and i was learning to really fall in love with the texas sky, much like the boy who walked to my right.
he seemed a bit nervous and fidgety, sometimes chase simply got that way. by the way you'd see his online presence, you'd think he would be the opposite. but it was oddly comforting to see a side to him that was vulnerable. i smiled softly at the thought. i looked down at our hands, they were interlocked and he swung them lightly. it was a comfortable silence, until his fidgeting grew a bit. we were around the intersection of his road and mine, when he spoke.
"so, uh, we have to talk about something but you seriously can't hate me."
my heart dropped a bit, obviously more than the average person. every good thing must come to an end.
"okay," my voice was quiet and weak, but i didn't intend on it sounding like that.
"so," he struggled a bit to explain. "y'know tiktok?"
my heart was put a bit at ease, but my mind wasn't. my real internal conflict in that moment was whether i was going to tell him that i watched his videos before i even knew he was a real person with a real heart?
"yeah,"
"well, i don't mean to brag," he joked a bit, which i was learning was something he did often when he was evidently stressed. chase bottled up things. a lot like me. "but i've got a, uh. pretty considerable following." he said in a fake serious voice.
i opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. he had slowed down his pace a bit, and i felt his fingers twitch between mine. it made me feel a bit of relief, that he was as nervous as i was. but i felt shitty for feeling that way.
"i know."
he let go of my hand, and i glanced up at him in response. his eyes were wide, the corners of his mouth subtly pulled up in a smile that i couldn't read well. he didn't seem angry or creeped out, though, to which i gave a deep breath.
"i've been kinda nervous to bring it up, so, i mean. i'm glad you did."
he burst into a casual chuckle, confusing me a bit.
"i'm kind of embarrassed."
"no, don't be. how do you think i feel? you're like.."
"like..."
"an e-list celebrity."
that elicited a genuine laugh from him, and i smiled too.
      we started walking again, the atmosphere falling silent again. i wasn't sure if i wanted to elaborate more on it, but i felt pretty stupid for overreacting about it. it was chase. his biggest talent was being a comfort to me. but it was so nerve wracking. "so, how did you um. find me?" he broke the silence a bit, and my cheeks burnt. "it was seriously a couple nights before i came to school, or maybe even the day before? maybe tiktok just has like, some kind of location tracking." i explained a bit, looking down at my shoes scraping against the asphalt. "or maybe, it was just meant to be," he looked down at me, cocking an eyebrow in a playfully flirty manner. to that i giggled, not bothering much to respond. the heat i felt in my chest was growing, and i wasn't sure if it was just because of him, or my nerves from this impending conversation. as we entered my neighborhood, he grabbed my hand again, making me jump a bit. i kind of really did NOT want him to feel how sweaty they were, but he didn't seem to care.
"i know i told you that i like quiet people, but i don't like this quiet right now."
i sighed a bit, avoiding his gaze. it reminded me off all the things he had told me the past few days. how he really made me feel, even how he reignited the feelings that i pushed down into the depths of my heart. how i felt like sometimes, he could look through my acts like i was a shard of glass. trust is hard. especially when your brain is wired the way mine is. but i trusted chase.
      "you've got a lot of eyes on you. you probably know a lot of people. i'm just..." i thought a bit, feeling my heartbeat in my temples, even a bit in my eyes. "undeserving."
"undeserving. undeserving of what?"
i was quiet a bit, there was so much of a grey area around us. and it could be comforting, but fuck, it could be confusing.
"undeserving of you."
he once again stopped abruptly in his tracks, playing his fingers on my chin and forcing me to look up at him. the gesture gave me a bit of a heart attack, and the way he looked under the ambient streetlight was indescribable. he had this look in his eyes that i'd never seen in anyone before, and i was unnerved.
"undeserving of me?"
i nodded, focusing in on his curls instead of his eyes.
"look at me,"
he leaned in a bit closer, making my heart race even more than i ever possibly thought it could.
"y/n."
"what..?"
"you're probably one of the smartest people i've ever met, but goddamn. right now, you sound stupid."
he let go of my chin and started walking again, and i followed close behind him with wide eyes. i couldn't decipher how i felt about the interaction, if it was awkward, if i was stupid, or if it was honestly, really fucking attractive. i closed a bit of the space between us, walking closer by his side. we were coming up on my house, and i felt the tension build a bit. i really felt like he hated me in that moment. he slowed his steps a bit as we approached my lawn, to which i followed suit.
"i'm sorry," i said, looking down at the cuffs of his jeans.
"no." he replied without hesitation. he turned a bit to face me, and cupped my cheek. i melted into the touch, the validation felt nice.
"let's sit on the lawn."
we both sat, and i noticed how he struggled a bit to get his legs into a comfortable position. it made me smile.

"the only thing you're undeserving of is the shit you go through."

the claim caught me a bit by surprise, no one had ever spoken to me like that before. not even the people who loved me the most.
i wish i could easily elaborate on all the things i was feeling, but i guess actions spoke better than words. i leaned my head on his shoulder.
      i think he understood. he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. it felt nice being in his arms again, even if it had only been a bundle of minutes since the last time i had. he was supernatural. he just had this way of unlocking and opening me up.
"it's scary, cause like. there's so many other things you can choose," i stared down at my hands, and then up at my house. "so many things that are better than me. than this."
he hugged me closer, bluntly stating, "y/n, i'm sure you know that you're not the most simple person. i like complexity."
"i appreciate the honesty," he chuckled at that. he was quiet for a minute, before turning his head. he rested it on top of mine, my eyes fluttering shut in content. i felt his lips graze across my forehead, and i let out a sigh. i was never one for physical intimacy, or any intimacy for that matter, but god. chase was making me realize a lot of things about myself. he stood up, and my heart ached a bit at the contact break, but he grabbed my hand and led me to the doorsteps.
      without thinking, i pulled at his shirt a bit, signaling him to bend down. i rested my hand on his chest as i pressed my lips against his. i felt him smile into it, eagerly kissing back. i was glad. still a bit nervous, but nonetheless glad. i felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
"hey, y/n?"
"yeah?"
"i never would've thought i'd be the type to date a fan," he admitted jokingly, giving me a smile.
"and i never said i was a fan." i cocked an eyebrow, making him laugh. and i laughed. and everything felt so right.

hey so . i need your guys's opinions on smthn again
since chase like left freakshow should i still keep hamzah, haley and claire in this story or what ? please lmk  !!!
i want to be respectful and i am v sad but i'm looking forward to seeing what they all do in the future :,> please lmk your thoughts though