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TW: graphic descriptions
PARK JIYEON PLACED THE CIGARETTE IN HER MOUTH, INHALING THE GREY SMOKE. Her eyes glided over the river beneath her as she leaned against the railing. There was something decaying in her eyes as she inhaled and exhaled the odour that infested her lungs.
A small chuckle left her lips as she glanced down at the cigarette between her middle finger and index finger. There was no distraction from the cigarette in her hands. There was nothing else she could do when she smoked, she could not overthink, she could not look at her phone, she could not talk. Smoking forced her to open her window and get some fresh air ━ mixed with a bit of fucked-up air﹙or force her to leave her room like today﹚. There was something lovely about that; not being able to let her thoughts run away to the void she despised. She was forced to live in the moment.
In her pocket laid a small piece of paper.
A list of ways to end her own life.
Jiyeon had been planning her own demise for weeks now. The list was slowly coming to its end and Jiyeon was running out of ideas.
She had written many ways to take her own life, an incision across two arms; burning blood seeping through the wound. A head under water; igniting a flame inside her lungs; ripping through her flesh and skin till she was no more. A rope around her neck; bones snapping like the leaves under her boots━ snap! A gun to the head; bullet piercing through her flesh.
The list went on until the pages were only a black blur. Her own tears would sometimes erase the words, turning them into a pool of ink ━ never to be seen again. Jiyeon would scream ━ she would cry, but no one would hear her. They were usually cries of help; raw and fresh. They would claw and tear at her throat. But as soon as they escaped, they would do nothing more than bounce against her walls; a faint echo of her own voice ━ the voice she hated.
She tried, Jiyeon tried to love herself however there was no point in loving someone who wasn't worthy of love.
There was nothing left for Jiyeon to live for. The world was rotten, ruled by money and filled with people whose lives were dictated by a toxic society.
Exhaling a breath, Jiyeon let the cigarette drop down into the water below. Splash! It landed on top of the water, not once sinking to the bottom of the endless pit. Her eyes stared down at it, transfixed by the way it let those small waves run over it.
Drowning.
That was one of the ways Jiyeon had imagined her demise to be. However, she did not want to be like her father. Jiyeon had never been like her father﹙she liked to believe she wasn't﹚.
A man who couldn't handle the pressure of taking care of a child, the only escape was death. Thus, he tied the rope around the ledge and jumped. With his weight, the rope had snapped mid-air, dropping him into the water. Yet, its tight grip around his neck never wavered; slowly and steadily choking him as he sunk further and further down.
