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TW: graphic description, mentions of suicide
JIYEON LET GO OF THE BOY, HOLDING ONTO HIS SHOULDERS WITH A SMALL SMILE.
'You'll get through this.'
'What about you?' he asked, dark locks falling in front of his glossy eyes.
'I'll be waiting for you, on the other side. We'll see each other again, hopefully not in a long time though.' A breathless chuckle left Jiyeon's lips. 'Now go on, you have a family waiting for you.'
The boy nodded. 'You're right.'
And with that, Jiyeon let go of his shoulders and watched as he walked the other way. His shoulders were slightly slumped, his steps slow as if he was dragging his feet along the pavement ━ just like Jiyeon.
As soon as he was out of sight, Jiyeon turned around and headed home.
Her mind was still screaming at her to get that orange juice. But Jiyeon couldn't bring herself to walk all the way to the supermarket and then back home. Her legs felt tired, her body felt heavy, her mind was foggy.
She pulled herself up the stairs and opened her door, but not before glancing at the door beside hers, 219.
Jiyeon wasn't used to someone living there. Before he arrived, she could scream and cry all she wanted but not now. Now, she had to swallow the pain and wallow in her own tears ━ not the most ideal thing, but she had done it before.
Opening the door, Jiyeon removed her jacket and shoes before making her way to her bed. The white duvets were stained with the blood from her own cuts. With a small sigh, she ran her hand over them before falling down onto the bed, the soft mattress catching her, embracing her in a way no one else would.
'Hey?' The familiar voice asked on the other side of the wall. 'Are you there?'
'I am,' Jiyeon answered. She curled her forefingers around the blanket, bringing it closer to her body in an attempt to comfort herself.
'I didn't get the chance to talk to you yesterday.'
'Yeah. . .' Jiyeon trailed off, not sure how she was supposed to respond to it.
'I know I can seem intrusive and that it's probably not my business but I just care about you.'
'Why's that?'
'Because you seem to be a very sweet person.'
Chuckling, Jiyeon pulled the covers closer. 'I wish that was true.'
'I'm sure it is,' he insisted.
She shook her head in denial, despite him not being able to see it.
'It's not,' she replied. 'Sweet people don't deserve to feel an urge to die each day.'
'Which is exactly why you don't deserve it.'
Lips forming a thin line, Jiyeon wasn't sure how to respond to that. If she did, she was just going to deny his statements, leaving them in an endless circle.
A minute passed before he spoke up again.
'I'm sorry.'
'For?'
'Being intrusive.'
'No it's all right,' Jiyeon reassured him, blurting out words she didn't mean.
As touching as it was, Jiyeon had to admit that she'd rather keep her problems to herself. There was no need to share the burden if it would only disappear alongside Jiyeon. She understood sharing it if it affected others. However, it didn't, thus there was no reason to share it with anyone else.
'I apologise for my friends too, they. . . they've always been very pushy when it comes to me and relationships,' he said with a light chuckle.
'Do they want you to date someone?'
'They do. They think I'm starting to get old and need to settle down.' A breathless chuckle left his lips.
'I suppose that's what friends are. . .' she said, a feeling of emptiness entering her.
'Jiyeon. . ?'
'Heeseung,' Jiyeon said, his name rolling off her tongue in a way that made it seem like it was meant to be.
'Would you mind if I came over?'
'Why?'
'Because I want to keep you company. . .'
Sighing, Jiyeon wasn't exactly sure what to answer. Would there be any harm in bringing him over? Not really. Though her apartment was a pure mess and it would be beyond embarrassing to have him over. Or perhaps he'd realise how lazy and utterly worthless she was.
'Okay. . .' she trailed off. 'It's fine you can come over.'
Not even five minutes later, there was a knock on her door.
Swinging her legs over her bed, Jiyeon trudged over to her door. Fingers curled themselves around the handle, gently pulling the door open.
As soon as he laid eyes on her, he pulled her into his embrace.
Feeling her muscles stiffen, Jiyeon wasn't used to getting hugged. His arms around her smaller frame brought a feeling of comfort to her mind, one that let her know she was safe in the arms of an angel.
Safe, for the first time in forever, Jiyeon felt safe.
'I'm here Jiyeon, I'm here,' Heeseung mumbled. 'I'm here.'
Did he know how broken she was?
A storm was brewing inside of her, the calm waves turned louder and taller until they came crashing into her.
Jiyeon broke down into tears in his arms.
A cry from her soul and heart, pained and broken; worn down because of the demons inside of her. It hurt, everything Jiyeon did seem to hurt. Sharp knives, thousands of them, stabbing her from the inside; slicing deeper and deeper each time. The pain never seemed to cease, no matter how much she screamed and cried.
Depression came in different ways. For Jiyeon it was as if it was pulling her underwater by something heavy on her shoulders. She could see the sun, it was warm and welcoming yet so far away. Too far away for her to reach and the fatigue from trying to get to the surface left her feeling exhausted.
Some days were worse than others. Some days, the water was crushing her lungs; squeezing every ounce of oxygen out of her. Other days, she could feel the sun warming her up with comfort. But not all days were like that. There were those rare days where Jiyeon wanted to give up; where she wished for it to be over; where Jiyeon let those waves swallow her; where she swam deeper into the abyss.
It made her feel unloved as if she was beyond saving﹙she was﹚.
Tears left a warm trail down her cheeks. She sniffled and removed her face from Heeseung's chest. Exhaling a shaky breath, she felt her emotions calm down. With the hem of her sleeves, she dried her tears.
'I'm sorry,' she said.
'It's okay, don't say sorry for crying,' Heeseung replied. 'I'll be here with you.'
