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BLOOD. The stars. The night sky. Flashes of screams and cries, haunting her dreams. Grief. An unexplainable grief. A feeling that took her months to suppress. One that still, even after all the time that she had tiptoed around, hadn't went away. No matter how hard she tried... it never left her alone. The constant reminder of how everything went wrong. One misstep. One long trip down a hill full of rocks and holes. Never ending grief. That feeling of unending defeat that haunted her mind every time she closed her eyes. Blood. The stars. The night sky. Grief.
Murder. Hatred. Death. Repeat.
Adeline hated dreaming. They looped like a chord progression each time she slept, the same group of memories taunting her. There was one thing she never talked about, not even with Daryl or Glenn. They didn't even know about it. Before the world ended and the dead rose, it was times that no one talked about. It was almost like they never existed in the first place - that version of them officially gone with the wind after experiencing loss. A loss that changed them and shaped them into the person they are now.
Years before the new world began, Adeline cherished a lot of different things. Her life. Her passions. Family. The people she loved. With Shane, the two of them always wanted to have a kid. There were trials and errors, yet not one successful story between the sheets that resulted in a healthy baby. But, there was one story. One that had been buried so deep in futile attempts to completely forget that it ever even existed. One unhealthy baby. One story.
Adeline lost her baby.
And the only time it had been brought up since the world caved was when she was slicing her knife across the stomach of Lori Grimes. Her sister in law. The mother of her dead husbands baby. The baby she could never have. It took Adeline weeks to be able to even look at the cooing infant, let alone hold her. If it wasn't for the fact that she undeniably loved the people she was with since the real start, she would've packed her bags and left the moment she knew that baby was okay. But she didn't. She stayed for them.
Shane wanted to run. There were days when Adeline completely forgot about the conversation that the two of them shared that day on the highway. He wanted them to leave. And there were days when the woman changed widow thought about how differently things would've turned out for them if they did. Would they have survived? All alone, on their own? With no idea which road to take or which house was safe. Would he still be alive? She thought about that question more than she would ever like to admit.
But he wasn't. Shane Walsh was gone. He died months before he asked Adeline to leave her family. The man she fell in love with was dead way before her brother pierced his stomach with a knife. Blood. The stars. The night sky. Acceptance. Adeline accepted the fact that Shane was gone long ago. But the nights, those were the hardest for her. Because when she closed her eyes, she was pulled into an unwanted silence - when the voices and memories came to play. Repeating on an endless loop in her mind. And every time it happened, she always traced the words back to one thing.
