Akatsuki Catboys' Slutty Adventures

Chapter 1: Mission Briefing

It was a cold, dark day in Ame. Rain poured down on the rooftops in sheets, creating a clamor that made the city a famous headache to outsiders. Konan, the man known as Madara, and six pierced warriors stood together in a locked upper room. A fire stuttered behind the desk.

"You want us to...what?" Konan asked, none-too-demurely.

"I want you to gather the sexiest men from all the lands. Nonbinary people will do too."

"No women?" Konan muttered under her breath.

"We already have you," Madara replied. "You expect there to be more than one women on a team? This is a shounen, not My Little Pony!" He cleared his throat. "Anyway. I do want adults, nobody under 18. You will gather them in the Big Spooky Cave outside of town."

"The one with all the naked men in the basement?" Pein asked.

Madara might have glared at him--it was hard to tell with the mask. "How do you know about those?"

"I see everything," he replied.

"Fine. Yes, it's that one. Do you understand your assignment?"

"Yes, Madara," Konan said. 

With that the masked man exited. A bolt of lightning flashed and he was gone.

Konan leaned her head on Deva Pein's shoulder. "What a fucking freak."

Pein tried to pretend he didn't laugh.

*~*~*~*~*

Several weeks and a few battles later, the new members of The Akatsuki convened at the mouth of the cave--they assumed; it looked like a flat sheet of rock. It was the first time some of them had seen each other. Many a glance was exchanged between the mercenaries.

On the right stood Itachi, his long raven bangs concealing his downturned face from most of the onlookers. His black paws stood out starkly against the light-colored ground. Neither of his arms seemed to be in his uniform cloak sleeves.

Kisame was beside him, a hulking, muscle-bound beast with a twitching tail and a massive wrapped sword.

Some being hunched beside him, thin ears between tufts of wiry hair.

A skinny blonde beside them, kneading something between their hands. The ear above their uncovered eye kept swiveling forward and back.

Kakuzu next, a tall and broad shouldered tom with only his hands, feet and eyes uncovered. Even his ears were tucked under his hood.

Finally a lithe silver tom bounced on his toes, causing the scythe on his back to shake slightly. Unlike the others, he did not wear a coat, instead tying it around the handle of the scythe like a flag on a pole. 

Konan jumped down to meet them. Her wings caught her about ten feet from the ground, slowing her descent to a manageable fall. Everyone flinched, but Sasori went through the trouble of backing up to give her space.

Her amber eyes surveyed the crowd. The new crop of Akatsuki, she thought. They were picked for unorthodox reasons, sure, but they looked good. Powerful, she meant. She was satisfied for now. "Gentlemen. Enbies. Welcome." She turned tail and performed a few hand signs, then placed her palms on the wall. Panels of the wall shifted like bricks to the sides, revealing a tunnel. Konan stepped to the side and gestured inside. "Everyone flare your chakra as you walk," she instructed. "There's someone inside working on the traps in this hallway and it would help if they learned your chakra so they'd know not to spring them when you're walking in."

Everyone felt Itachi's Sharingan activate. He went first, leading the rest of the line down the tunnel. Konan brought up the rear, quietly chastising Hidan for not wearing his cloak. Those two emerged from the darkness a few steps after everyone else, and Konan seemed to have forced the garment onto him. He crossed his arms and sulked.