Catch Me When I Fall

When He Falls

Bright lights shone in the distance as acrobats performed their tightrope act to a T. The performers were always perfect. They were given a task and they would accomplish that task, it was what they were required to do. There was no time for "if, ands, or buts," they accomplished their jobs dutifully and efficiently with precision that could rival even the highest professionals.

As the other circus performers were on, two boys stood in their temporarily shared rooms applying the finishing touches to their appearance. The younger boy with raven hair that was clipped back sat on a stool as the older brunette boy finished creating tiny blue dots in a swerve around his eyes. "Rintarou," the smaller boy started, "you'll catch me right?"

Rintarou gave the boy a small smile as he gazed into his blueberry eyes. "I always do, Tobio," he replied. Tobio returned the smile, no other words were needed. This was what happened before each performance, it was tradition to confirm that Rintarou would always be there. In Tobio's mind there was no doubt Rintarou would always be there, he was there before and he'll be there now.

When the brunette finished with the younger's makeup, he held out his hand for him to take, signaling that he was done and it was time to make their way towards the circus tent. The raven placed his right hand in the other's happily, finding no place safer than beside Rintarou.

Rintarou. His partner. His best friend. The only one who had stood by his side time and time again since he was five years old. The only one he wanted to stay by his side forever. He knew that wouldn't be true. Rintarou was stationed to live in Hyogo and he Miyagi, but they always had the circus to connect them, their history was intertwined and so he would hope, his future. It was true Tobio knew that Rintarou would one day want to leave the circus. Rintarou constantly spoke about there being something more, something beyond what was right in front of them. He spoke about how he believed that circus freaks such as themselves could make a life alongside the others, alongside "normal people."

Although Tobio wanted to believe Rintarou, he still held slight doubt and even a bit of fear. Tobio himself had experienced how harsh and cruel people of the outside world could be to people like them, let alone to people like them who liked the same gender as themselves.

However, this was not the raven's biggest concern. No, there was something else that struck fear into the little performer's heart like nothing else ever had. Rintarou leaving. No, not just leaving. Leaving him. True they do separate more often nowadays for school, but they'd always come back for weekends, breaks, and "hell week." The week before the biggest performance of the year. Despite the two being inseparable when together, Tobio realized everything connected back to the circus. No circus meant no Rintarou, it was as simple as that. So, hypothetically, if his partner did find life outside of the circus, he would no longer be his partner. This scared the young performer. He needed Rintarou, he wanted Rintarou, but at times the boy doubted that the elder needed him, that the elder wanted him as much as he did.

Even though Tobio held onto this deep rooted fear, when it came time for their performance it washed away. Being in the air, leaping, flying, soaring, it made the little raven feel free. Not just free, safe, and even more loved. It was not because he was in the air or being praised by the audience that he felt such burdens lifted off him, it was because he was with Rintarou. Rintarou who would catch him. Rintarou who would smile at him as if he was the light of his life. He did not need more, as long as he had Rintarou, he would be fine.

When they finally arrived at the circus tent both boys separated in order to head towards their need location. Both boys however did not leave without a reassuring smile and a head nod.

As Tobio arrived at the platform that stood around forty to fifty feet in the air, he took a deep breath. He had done this plenty of times before for a show and even more times during practice. It was just like they rehearsed. Perhaps today was more important than others considering it was the biggest turn out of the year, but no doubt the performance was the same.

Tobio held onto the trapeze bar firmly, he could see Rintarou had already gotten into position and was upside down as the back of his knees clung to his own trapeze bar. Seeing that, the raven took one last deep breath and leaped. He flew through the air with glory as he approached his catcher, in which when he went into the right position released his hold on the bar and twirled as Rintarou caught his hands in his.

The duo was elegant. They appeared as if they were art. Perfection. Ethereal.

Rintarou and Tobio did twists and turns, jumps and leaps, daring feats of movement in the air as if they were born performing. Together, the two mesmerized the crowd in a way that not many could. They had the audience eating out of the palms of their hands and clinging to the edge of their seats.

In the raven's final leap in their performance, he went to grasp a single hand of Rintarou's so that they could twist in midair...but, he fell short. The tips of their fingers grazed each other but their hands did not clasp. They did not connect. Rintarou did not catch him. Rintarou did not catch Tobio.

Tobio looked up as he fell. He saw Rintarou's golden eyes, but he was confused. Rintarou was getting further and further away. He was falling. Rintarou did not catch him. That had never happened before. Rintarou always caught him.

As he fell, darkness protruded his vision. He was losing consciousness, but not before he heard a loud screech from one of the audience members and caught his last glimpse of Rintarou and the fear he held in his beautiful gold eyes.

Rintarou did not remember much. Everything went so fast, it became a blurred mess. One second he was performing and the next he saw Tobio and his blueberry eyes filled with confusion falling. He tightened his legs' grip on the trapeze bar and watched with bated breath as Tobio fell towards the net. Right, he thought, the net, Tobio is safe. That is until he saw Tobio hit the net, but it snapped beneath him. Rintarou's partner, best friend, source of happiness, had just hit the cold, hard floor. From the point on he only remembered bright lights, screams, blood, and Tobio's body on the floor.

He had not remembered getting down from the trapeze bar nor had he remembered being taken to the hospital that held Tobio. What he did remember was Tobio's body laying on the hospital bed as tears flooded his vision. He could not bear to see the boy that was once so full of life be in this state. In the state that Rintarou had put him in.

Without thinking Rintarou went up to Tobio's body, took the clip holding Tobio's hair up, and ran. He ran and he didn't look back. Once again everything became a blur, but suddenly he was on a train back to Hyogo. Hyogo might be his "assigned home," but he could think of nowhere else to go. There was nowhere else to escape to besides there.

It was in those moments on the train that his tears turned into sobs during the dark night as he waited to arrive at a home that was not truly a home.

No, not without Tobio it wasn't.