Lack of Warmth

U (sadness)

The shower was over, so does this magical moment. I always have to ruin everything.

"I'm okay." I said once I dried my tears. "Just a bit emotional."

"Why ? Did something happened ?"

"No. It's my bad. I just — I enjoyed today's meet up a bit too much." I chuckled.

"Oh, okay then." He responded.

He briefly kissed me and got out of the shower. And then looked back at me.

"You coming ?" He asked.

I smiled and joined him.

*
*
*
Today I have work. It's also the day I have to submit my tattoo design to Nobu.

Once I walked to him, he clasped his hands together and smiled at me.

"Today is the day !" He happily said.

"Yup!" I responded nervous. "But I'll give it to you after my shift okay ?"

"Sure !" He said nodding.

*
*

My shift over, I went to look for him.

"You ready ?" I asked once I found him.

"Sure thing ! I couldn't fall asleep yesterday because of it !"

"Oh my !"

I took the piece of paper where the final result was.

"Close your eyes." I asked.

"Okay !"

"Give me your hand."

"Which one ?"

"It doesn't matter !!"

"It does to me !!"

"The left one."

I put the piece of paper from my pants's pocket on his hand and he opened his eyes.

His eyes wandered on it for at least what seemed hours to me in a complete silence.

"You don't like it ?" I asked.

"No, it's not that. I just thought about something different from you... But I like it, thank you !"

He looks disappointed.

"Hehe, if you want I can make you an other one ..?"

"Hmm - Does it bother you ?"

"No not at all don't worry !" I smiled. "I have to go now sorry, I'm meeting someone tonight !"

"Okay ! Get home safe then !"

"Sure thing !" I smiled one last time and went to my car.

Obviously I'm not meeting anyone tonight. I lied. I drove home in a blink of an eye and locked myself in my room once I arrived.

I was feeling numb because I'm also disappointed of myself. I know I did my best but it's not enough yet. I'll do a better one.

I took my sketchbook and started drawing. I was feeling overwhelmed. And so, a tear dropped on my shed.

"Fuck."

I was about to rip it out when I had an idea. I have to be productive from this feeling. That is why I let my tears running through my cheeks to arrive on my sketchbook.
Once it was enough dispatched on the paper I took a pencil and started drawing around them. Some forms started to appear. I continued until I was done.
My dumb self couldn't stop before it was over which lead me to an all-nighter.

Stupid me.

My eye bags were not that huge but still, bitch I'm tired. And I have work today.

*
*

Several days went by, nothing surprising happened. Nothing interesting happened.

I guess that's why I texted him again. Even if I feel like shit every time we go separate ways I can't help it. I need to see him, to know that he is okay and that I can be here for him.

The worst is that everyday I'm waiting for him to text me. But he never does. I'm pathetic, I'm the one who needs him, it's not the other way around.

*
We are meeting up tonight. Another play apparently. I'm kind of scared. Even though I'm happy to have it I can't keep being anxious by the fact that most of the time I'm not having sex with him but with his character.

We were facing each other before the entrance of our same hotel. Our same spot.

"You're here !" I said.

I could not believe he is still wearing a cosplay that look as good as all the others.
Any of them has flaws to my eyes.

"Yeah... Do you like it ?" He asked showing his costume.

He was cosplaying Kyo from Fruits Basket.

"You being a ginger is very much a proof that any kind of hair can suit you."

He smiled.

"Thanks... Let's go inside."

We entered the building holding hands.

*
*
*

As the door of our room closed he put his lips in mine. The vibe was good so I grabbed him in my arms while continuing kissing. His fingers went through my hair and we gradually were walking to the bed.

We both laid down there. He was on top of me and his left hand went on my hip. I arched my back, he chuckled.

"What ?" I murmured against his mouth.

"Nothing you have to worry about." He responded smirking.

I started taking off my pants when he seemed to hesitate.

I looked at his eyes interrogating.

"I—- I want to try something new."

"Sure." I said.

Caelum took off his wig, embarrassed.
I can't help myself but be shocked.

"I thought..." I started before stopping myself.

"Yeah... Me too."

Caelum have those brillant bronze hair. Even though he was wearing makeup it wasn't as much as the first day. That's when I realized that every time we saw each other he was less and less trying to hide him self.

"You're so handsome." I said this time putting my fingers through his real hair.

He kissed me.

"Go easy on me, okay ?"

"That's cringe." I said chuckling. "But sure. Anything you want."

I kissed him.

*
*

We were doing well. We were doing fine.

So why are we now in this situation.