Predisposition|Remus Lupin

Romantics are the new rebels

Chapter XXVII

Tom Odell: Magnetised

"What do you mean gone?"

"Hermione I thought you were smart, gone is a verb and-"

"I know what it means Ronald." Hermione snipped in the crowd of the World Cup. "But Lupin can't have just gone."

"He wasn't there in the morning. All he left was a note saying he would be back soon."

"Well there you go then. No need to worry." Ron chirped happily, scanning the field. I wish it were that easy, but I couldn't feel him either. It was like he had completely disappeared off the face of the planet and I was simply a helpless nymph.

I tried to enjoy the match, but all I kept thinking about was Remus. All I wanted was him. Waking up this morning, I remembered my dream, it was odd, Peter was there and another man I didn't recognise. There was a muggle, and they killed him. I screamed for them to stop, but it was useless. I felt stuck in my spot, I couldn't move and my sounds were silent, when I could finally wake myself up, I reached out for Remus and he wasn't there.

And it made me wonder.

What would I do if he wasn't ever there again?

Remus

It hadn't changed a single bit. Grimmauld Place still reeked of despair, looking back at the gardens, I fought against nostalgia. Sirius and I used to sit out there and smoke when his parents decided the best way to communicate was with their fists.

"Moony I said I'm fine!" Sirius flinched away from Remus's gentle touch, instead, siding with a cigarette, wincing as his cheek split open again as he inhaled smoothly.

"Yeah, you look it." Remus snapped, snatching the cigarette from between Sirius's lips before placing it between his own.

"I don't get it, Remus." Sirius finally broke "Why am I not good enough the way I am?" Sobbing was even adequate for what Sirius was doing, he was howling in pain, curling up into Remus.

"It's them that aren't good enough Pads. You're perfect. You are everything good in this shitty world." Remus brought Sirius's face to his, resting their foreheads against one another, smelling the nicotine on each other's breath-

Forcing one foot in front of the other I make it to the top step, but I can't knock. I don't know if I can face him again, in The Shack, it was pure adrenaline, there were people to protect, and now- it would just be us. Come on Lupin just knock. My fist shakes when I knock, it swings open at my touch, like he's been waiting for me.

Dust fills my lungs, meandering down the corridor, careful not to wake Sirius's mother's portrait, I don't call out. The kitchen's as dark as always, everything covered in rust, the house can't remember the last time it catered for a family. But I'm not sure that's a suitable word for the Black's. The floorboards creak with the weight of someone, turning around, my wand pins someone against the wall.

"Now what sort of greeting is that?" He looks like a ghost. Gaunt in the face, straggly hair and eyes distended with desperation. I don't smile at his response, instead, I find myself pushing my wand further into his neck. "Moony-"

"No. Don't you fucking dare." I silence him and he lets me. Where was the fight of the man I used to-

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Well, that makes it all better, you're forgiven."

"Remus I didn't think-"

"YOU NEVER DID SIRIUS! THAT WAS THE FUCKING PROBLEM!" I don't care if the portraits started screaming because my screams were more important. My pain was worth more than some stupid slander his mother would curse.