100 Days To Love Myself

Denial

Hi, my name is Jessica, but you can call me Jess. I am 16 years old, and I live in an apartment here in the city that never sleeps, New York City! Oh, how I love it here! My friends and family, basically my whole life is here in New York. Although it is a shame that my dad has to leave us for work. If you didn't know, my dad is an engineer. On the bright side, at least I get to see him every month when he comes home from work. I like to think of myself as daddy's girl, I am not really that close with mom because she likes to hang out with her friends a lot, and I am not allowed to go outside which sucks because I hate being stuck at home because I really hate the feeling of being alone. Can you relate with me, like the feeling of not being with someone, all by yourself, and you're in your room doing nothing. I think because of this, I developed a habit of writing stories and I must say, I think I'm really good at it.

I remember that I was the happiest girl in Manhattan when mom allowed me to go out with my friends, Jasmine and Ebony. I've known them since we were kids. We were by each other's side even when things got rough. I remember one time back in elementary school, I tried to pull Jasmine's hair out because she accidentally tore my assignment. I was so dumb and naive back then smh. Anyways, I was so happy that day! We went to the movies, we shopped for clothes together, we ate a ton of ice cream, and I must say, that was the most fun I had my entire life. 

One day, after I went home from school, my mom waited for me in the dining area. 

She said, "Jessica, I have something to tell you."

I replied, "Hi mom, what is it?"

She replied, "Your father called me a while ago, he said he was considering an offer made to him by his boss."

To which I replied, "Well, what did dad's boss tell him?"

She again replied, "Well, I know this may sound bad to you but, your dad said that we will have a better life in Los Angeles"

I said angrily, "So you're telling me that we will move to California?!"

"Yes." She nodded.

I quickly went to my room and shut the door as hard as I can. To tell you that my whole world broke apart is simply an understatement. No words can tell describe the pain I felt hearing what she said. I quietly cried all night long until my eyes were dried out and I slept without even realizing it. 

I woke up the next morning to pick up breakfast at a local restaurant and coffee at some random café. When I came home, again, my mom was waiting for me in the dining room.

She said, "You have one month to prepare your things, and say goodbye to your friends."

I replied angrily, "No! I don't want to leave New York! My whole life is here, my heart is here in New York! No, I won't go! Tell dad that I won't come with you!"

"Don't talk to me like that young lady! Now do as I tell you!", She said without even acknowledging what I felt. 

I knew that even if I don't want to go to California, I had no other choice but to agree...

I cried and talked to my friends on the phone, 

"Don't cry, even though we will miss you, always remember that we are always by your side even though you can't see us", said Jasmine.

Ebony replied, "Yeah! Now cheer up, meet us at our favorite restaurant and let's make the most of your one month!"

"Let's go girls," I said while crying.

One month passes that I didn't even realize that we were moving to California. I hurriedly pack my things making sure that I don't leave anything behind.

We go to the airport with Jasmine and Ebony seeing us off, and me, of course, crying while saying goodbye to them. I mean like, who wouldn't cry knowing that you won't see your friends for a long time. Like, Los Angeles and New York are thousands of miles apart.

I get comforted by my mom with her saying that everything's going to be alright, but deep down I know that it's not going to be alright. Every time I tell myself, "This is just a dream, this is just a dream." I just want this to be a dream that I wake up from and that I will see Jasmine and Ebony again, every day, for the rest of my life. But sadly, it will never be a dream...