FADING LOVE || REWRITING (first ever written book) (old book)

Milo 1

It wasn't like I wanted to leave her, I had to-or was forced to. Leaving her there was the hardest thing I've done, well one of the hardest, but the most important one I left was *Esma*, not noticing that just said her name aloud, it sends chills down my spine just saying her abnormal name,

She's always said the same thing about me, that's just one of the million things that make us a perfect loving couple, thinking of her as killing me. To get my mind off the fact that I might never see my only ever love again is to play fortnight, and that is not helping. just been two days since Esma's been gone. It got me laying in my room on my bed, filled with empty hot Cheetos, KitKat wrappers, boxes of empty granola wrappers, and all kinds of other stuff plus gummies stuck to his comforter. The only time he was out of his room was for the bathroom, and refills of junk food.

Milos Aunt, Jaylen had enough of his mopping the past two days. Banging on his boor she yells

"Get your lazy butt out of this room and go get us some groceries," hearing his aunt's footsteps fading, he makes an effort to get out of bed. with a groan, he swings his legs out of bed standing up as he presses his hands against the back end of his hips popping his back, doing it to where his back cramps up *ah* stumbling forward over the bags he and Esma had packed just two days ago. *felt more like two centuries ago*

falling over it hits his head on the floor, he lets out a snap of pain but doesn't move from where he lays. Looking around his bark room realizing the darkness there represented the darkness he felt inside, Esma was the light that filled his life years ago. The first time he and Esma first-ever met was in  9th grade, in the middle of the year.

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I was one of the first students that came in class, walking to the middle row of seats I sat down in it sliding off my bookbag, I unzip my zipper pulling out my sketch pad and my three HB,2B, and B sketching pencils that had an elastic rubber band tied around it to keep them together. I was just beginning to draw what my imagination had in mind for me when I heard my teacher speaking aloud introducing our new or the new room classmate, I wasn't paying attention. I didn't get what the major big deal was for switching students over to advanced classes that made the teachers so happy,  we get it you get to teach the smart kids, Yahya good for you. my attention  was interrupted by the teacher saying three words * let us welcome  Esma*

my first thought was *what an abnormal name* Looking up at the girl who is being introduced in front of the class is a beautiful girl with hair that crunches up in curls that lay on either side of her shoulders, her clear skin giving off a beautiful caramel tone that blended so beautifully against her astonishing blue polar bear eyes. she caught me staring at her and I tried to look away but failed in the attempt to do so, finally I managed to go back to my sketching as she made her way to her seat that was, looking up seeing her make her way toward me. I imminently looked down again, as she took her seat that was right in front of mine. my hands began to sweat. I  set my pencil down then wiped my sweaty hands on the knees of my pants.

as the class continues I glanced up at the girl in front of me, I began to draw her hair without thinking as she turns around to face me, I immediately  flipped the page face down on my desk

I waited for her to say I was a creep and announce it to the whole class but instead she just simply asked * can I borrow a pencil mine broke* I was astonished as she held out the pencil to me showing the broken graphite. *Oh...huh ya I...I sure* I said stuttering. she gave off a smile showing her yet again perfect white teeth. reaching into my bag I grabbed out my only pencil with the eraser attached. I held out my hand as she gently slides it out of my hand, she smiles again then turns to write down the know were doing, I nervously went back to my sketching turning it back over but thought better of it and flipped to a new page, * I'll finish it later at home that ok for me because I wouldn't need to have to  glance every few seconds because I can just remember every inch about every detail of her*

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I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know I find my aunt throw my comforter at me, plopping my head up as she screams at me."Get up you were supposed to been gone, what is this," she yells holding up one end of my comforter showing me the gummies stuck to it. "look at you sitting in your filth," she said tossing it back down on me."get up now! you have a life and you're going to live your life with her or not,"

groaning I lifted my head throbbing as I did so, flopping down on my bed "got light-headed," she said crossing her arms. I look up at my aunt her face worried, her face then filled with tears this shocked me the most for my aunt is the more hiding fillings kind of girl, I stood up walking toward her, as she said"please don't follow in her footsteps please I don't have the strength to have another of my loved ones taken from me, "my aunt's tears streamed down her face, I in a rush I storm over to her raping my hands over her as I realized what she was saying.

my mother ended her life when I was 8 months old, the children services took me from her due to her drinking problem she had me given to my aunt, Jaylen so she could get herself together not to minion my father left my mother because of me that why my mother was drinking she did it to not feel the pain she felt my mother was depressed, not able to quit her habits she only found fit that she ended her life for some reason I have not yet found to understand. 

My aunt was the most affected by this, as my mother was the only family my mom had besides me, my mom and aunt had grown up as orphans and the only family that had taken them years ago passed away before I was born.

So this is why I'm going to have to be strong and find a way to control not get over because having your love taken from you is never just so easy to get over. but to help my aunt I can at least try. if not for myself then for my aunt that has no other one to love her.