Only 7 minutes b.e

12

I looked at the cigarette in my hand fidgeting with it for a little while, I finally brought it up to my lips lighting it and inhaling it.

"You look stressed," my dad said startling me so I accidentally inhaled the smoke too fast and choked.

"Jesus fuck dad," I fanned the smoke in the air with my hand.

"It's okay Billie I'll let it slide this time but tell me what's wrong" he sat beside me.

"I...I just feel like I'm a bad mom," I brought the cigarette up to my lips.

"No you're not Billie don't say that, I know a lot of young moms feel the same way, but Eloise she looks so happy when she's with you, smoking is not going to solve your problems it's just going to make the situation worse"

"I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing," I looked over at him.

"That's what you have family for and people around you that care for you and want to help you"

I didn't say anything just looked down at my feet

"You know I'm going to have to tell your mother about this"

"Please no"

"I can't promise that Billie we worry about you a lot and god knows you could be on drugs and-"

"I'M NOT"

Maybe a little...

"I'm just saying Billie no need to yell"

"...sorry"

"I understand try to get some sleep" he kissed my forehead then went back inside

I took another drag of the cigarette before trashing it and going back inside, I went up to my room and changed my clothes before laying down in the bed cuddling Eloise

"I love you Eloise sweet dreams" I whispered then kissed the top of her head slowly drifting off to sleep.

___________

I woke up to see Eloise wasn't by my side I guess she got up to go eat or something, I got up and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and do my skin care.

I then went downstairs completely forgetting about the talk I had with my dad last night.

"Good morning"

"Good morning"" my dad and Finneas said except for my mom.

that's weird

"Hi mommy" Eloise said with a mouth full of chocolate chip pancakes

"Hi baby you enjoying it?"

"Mhm" she nodded.

"Good" I kissed her cheek.

I looked back up at my mom and she looked kinda mad.

"Mom you okay?"

She ignored me.

"Mom?"

"No I'm not okay Billie smoking really I don't know who you hang around with but I raised you better than that Billie this is so unbelievable so no I'm not okay"

"Mom-"

"Save it Billie"

"Mom I don't want to fight with you"

"Why Billie why do you do this to yourself there's always another way to solve your problems"

"It was just a cigarette"

"Cigarettes are bad for your lungs and cam cause cancer haven't you learned anything I taught you?"

"Oh my fucking god," I whispered running my fingers.

"There's other ways to solve your problems"

"What other way?"

"I don't know Billie I don't know"

"Fuck this," I stormed up to my room and slammed my door

_______

"Where are you going?" Mom asked.

"Out"

"You're not going out you're grounded"

I didn't say anything just buckled Eloise into her car seat.

"No Billie you're always out you don't listen to me anymore. I don't know what the hell has gotten into you but I don't like it Billie LOOK at me"

I finished buckling Eloise Into the car seat and turned around to look at my mother.

"You are my daughter and I'm just looking out for you, all these secrets and lying is keeping us from having a good relationship. I just need you to stop all of it and tell me what's going on so I can help you"

"It's just part of growing up"

I closed the door of the backseat then got into the front seat and drove off. I can't tell them what's wrong, I can't just explain to my family that I'm a criminal, they'll look at me as different, sometimes I think about quitting but that's complicated.

"Hey do you want to go to the toy store?" I asked Eloise

"Yay"

"Okay you can pick out whatever you want"