Bernadette Dear

Prologue: Daily Routine

Wake up to the horrible, terrible, ear splitting beeping noise emitting from my phone at 6:30 am. Jab every button on my phone until the noise ceases, and then chuck it across my room towards my couch where it bounces softly. Lay in bed for about another half hour reading my book because I am lazy and a procrastinator. Finally get up and get ready for the day when my mom yells from the kitchen to ‘Hurry up, school is not going to teach itself’’. ‘Getting ready’ for me pretty much means grabbing the first things that my hands touch from my dresser drawers, wash my face with hand soap, brush my teeth for about 47 hours while reading my book, and last but not least, commence the battle between my thick, gingery mop of hair and my hairbrush. My hair usually wins, and I give up.

Then I walk into the kitchen to find my mother, who looks at me with a distressed expression and shakes her head while ‘tsk tsk’ ing my fashion choices of the day. I only smile and curtsy in my jeans, the kind that are ripped and faded not by a factory, but from years of wearing them over and over because I never seem to grow out of clothes.Then I notice that school is about to start so I hurry out the door while slinging my old messenger bag over my shoulder and grabbing a granola bar to eat on the way. And of course I always have a spare second to give my terrier mix, Piwi, a pat on the head as I walk out.

Ear buds in ears, book in my hands, I walk the three and a half blocks to my high school. Koninklijk Atheneum High School, where everyone is normal and has a normal life. Everyone knows where they belong, and everyone has friends, or at least someone. Everyone except me. I am a ghost there. My body is there, but my mind is in Wonderland with the Hatter and the White Rabbit. I spend my days at school staring at the clock and reading my book every spare second I have. Bullsh**ting every assignment, and having my teachers accept the bull as actual work that I put care and thought into. So they give me good grades and my mom never worries about me in school because every teacher tells her the same thing, that I do well and I’m a good kid and there’s nothing to worry about. But that's just what every teacher says about the kids that don't make an impression on them. So my mom doesn’t worry about me in school. She doesn’t know that every second I spend there is worse than the last and that I despise almost every human that walks those halls and that to be honest if the school burned down tomorrow I wouldn’t really care in fact I’d rejoice.

I pretty much just sit under this one big tree in front of the school and read my book and watch as everyone around me moves forward with their life. Getting into and getting out of relationships and friendships, and laughing and talking about ridiculous things while I sit, and watch, and wait. Until the sweet beautiful sound of the bell rings through my ears, and reminds me that this hell can’t last forever.

Sometimes when I am there I feel like I am not even living my own life. That I am just a background character to someone else’s life, like the extras in movies. So I sit patiently, playing my part as the background of their life, because I know that playing a side character is better than having no character at all.

After school is when my day really begins. While I walk home my mom puts Piwi out on the doorstep to do his business and wait for me until I come home. As soon as I turn the corner leading to our street he begins yapping his head off and wagging his tail so hard his whole body trembles. He waits until I’m about 3 yards away from our doorstep and then bolts into my arms and begins licking my face violently while I try to keep my mouth closed to avoid digesting a lunch of dog fur and saliva.

I get home, push on the door with Piwi still in my arms, and then yell at my mom for the hundredth time to move her darn bike out from the hallway after she goes on her afternoon bike ride. When I finally get inside the house I toss my bag onto my bed and dump all of its contents. I then pick up my book from the pile on my bed, carefully place it back inside my bag along with the essentials of course: chapstick, lavender hand sanitizer, my wallet, a toffee from my secret, never ending stash, and doggy bags for Piwi. I then clip on Piwi’s leash, yell at my mom that I’ll be back before dinner, and finally leave the apartment.