some part of me still wants to believe in it. that maybe i can have what everyone seems to want. but most of me knows that it's imminent.
i have conditions before i can, set for myself so i don't feel so guilty, but why do i have to feel guilty? is it because i always do this? is it because i want to cry every time i think about it?
is it because? because what? why though, why did i lose it? is it because i'm terrified of losing it? is it because i've hurt before? is it because this is new, sort of?
is it just because life sucks? is it because i can't accept that?
at the bottom of it all, is it because...?
is it because of me?
