Read the description ;) Hate all you want, I don't care! If you don't like, you don't read, okay? Okay.
All rights go to Veronica Roth.
I want her. No, I need her.
These were my only coherent thoughts on Tris Prior. Yet I bullied her, violated her, insulted her. Scared her. That was painful for me.
What about for her? She's being traumatized, not you.
Yes, but when she suffers, I do too.
Then get yourself together and treat her nicely.
I often argued with myself, subconsciously. She was but one of my inner troubles. Still, she was the most frequent visitor.
"Stiff!" I called out arrogantly. I started mentally punching myself.
"What do you want, Peter?" She asked tiredly and sadly. Her eyes were wide and alert and she kept herself at a safe distance from me. I could understand why.
"I need to talk to you. I get you don't trust me enough to go somewhere private..." I trailed off.
For the first time, she looked me in the eyes. Properly.
"What makes you say that?" She demands coldly.
"The fact that I've been a complete jerk to you. You didn't deserve anything of what I have done. I just wanted to apologize."
Her eyes flicker. They warm up. Her beautiful gray eyes seem keen to forgive me.
"I don't know if I can forget everything that happened in Initiation and trust you, Peter. But I honestly think you're being truthful, so I forgive you." She says.
That's more than I could've hoped for. I guess we have a shot at being friends.
But friends isn't what you want.
"I also want-" I interrupt myself. She doesn't trust me, how could she like me the way I like her?
"What?" She probes kindly.
"You," I say quietly. My heart skips a beat. "You made me so angry." My eyes are closed and I'm breathing deeply as if telling this to myself. "Nobody thought you were particularly special at first. Just a Stiff who wasn't going to make it past first stage. And the way you talked about yourself. Like you didn't even believe you were special yourself. Just fucking humble. And then you came out of nowhere. Showed everyone. Including yourself. And every time I tried to hurt you, the shit I said to you, I don't even think it hit home like I wanted. It just made you stronger." My chest is heaving and sinking with my heavy breaths.
"So?" She asks.
"It wasn't just that. Yeah, okay. At first it was. At first I really just wanted to hurt you because you were better than me."
"And then?"
"Then I watched you. Training. Always doing extra hours at night. That's the difference between you and me. You're strong because you put in the work."
"What are you then?" Her voice is reduced to a whisper.
"I'm weak. I wasn't talking about our bodies." We're silent for a minute, just breathing. "You showed me just how weak I was," I say quietly. "You don't know how much I hated that. Myself or you, I can't even tell. And you were fucking beautiful while you did it too."
Her breath hitches in her throat, and the sound makes me open my eyes and look at her.
"People don't tend to call me beautiful. Fierce, yes. Strong. Intelligent. Brave. Caring. Hero. Divergent. Not beautiful. Never beautiful." She mumbles, looking down.
"Well, they should, because you are." I say firmly.
She looks up at me. She's biting her lip slightly. She is beautiful.
"You're being honest? I seriously don't know how to read you. One moment you try to kill me, the next you're confessing your love to me. Make your mind up!"
"It always has been." I state simply.
And with that, I inch forward, placing a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. I look at her, thinking how great it is that she isn't reacting the way I thought she would. Disgusted. Scared. Untrusting.
What if she's just trying to be nice?
She's not a hypocrit. She may be kind, but she'll never lie.
I desperately want to kiss her, to feel the touch of her smooth skin against my rough and calloused one. I want to scoop her up in my arms and hug her tightly.
That would scare her off.
I know, that's why I'm not doing it.
What about when she'll see what a monster you are?
She already has.
"Peter. You're thinking out loud." She laughs.
"Oh. Uhh sorry Tris." I mumble, scratching the back of my neck.
Her face lights up.
"That's the first time you've ever called me by my name."
"Yeah. Well, I figured I might as well stop being a jerk to you..." I say quietly.
God, you're fidgeting, you nervous wreck.
"I know it's probably soon to ask but, uhm... when you've thought it through, would you, maybe, like to go on a date? Only if you want!"
"I thought you'd never ask!" She smiles.
God, her smile! It's so sweet and shy, tentative, yet so radiant. I know for one thing I have a butterfly invasion in my stomach.
Pull yourself together, you useless prat.
Too late.
"Uhm... are you free tomorrow evening?" I ask.
She nods and stands on tiptoes to wrap her skinny arms around my torso. I am so tempted to close the space between us.
"See you tomorrow!" She says, placing a light kiss on my cheek.
Then she's off, leaving me giddy with joy.
I got a date with Tris Prior, in your face!
I am you, idiot!
Shut up.
Whatever.
Hope you enjoyed! Just so you know, I took Peter's confession from "Winter dies" by flying_one. I know, I know! I just loved it so much. It's probably- surely -the best fanfic I have ever read! It's really in character and I suggest you read it! Warning: it's a lemon. Tell me what you think of this!
Lots of love,
-JaceIsNaturalBlonde
