Beauty and Rage

Chapter | 2

Any good memories of you are forever tainted in my mind. I don't even trust myself anymore. How could I let you lie to my face?

I beat myself up mentally constantly, wondering why I didn't leave you sooner. You made me feel so stupid and small constantly.

Your insecurities became my own. Your habits became mine. I became a reflection of the worst parts of yourself. You hated me for it.

At least I was loyal.

I was honest.

No matter what you tell yourself now to ease your conscious, you know deep down I was 10 toes down for you.

You took advantage of my forgiving heart. You manipulated and gaslighted me into a mental breakdown.

All I ever did was show you love.

Any negative reaction from me was a direct response to your disrespect. You disrespected me constantly.

Then made me feel crazy for feeling hurt.

I see through men now. Like glass. I can no longer be taken advantage of or fooled.

I am no longer blinded by what I thought was love. You could never love me the way I deserve because you never respected me.

You always found a way to bring me down to your level. When I should've been happy.

Even now, I am haunted by memories where I knew you were lying, but chose to pretend. I didn't think I could find someone who could match my loyalty.

You made sure of that.

"The love you want doesn't exist." You told me, trying to convince me that everyone is as manipulative and selfish as you.

I thought, eventually, you would see that I was better. Better than anyone else for you.

But we accept the love we think we deserve.

And you don't believe you deserve to be loved.

You do.

But so do I.

I decided I deserved more. Loyalty. Effort. Empathy. Support.

I had to let you go. I can't love you like I did in the beginning, but maybe you can be loved by someone new. Just don't further fuck up her perception of love like you did mine.

I wish more than anything you would've changed for me. I wanted you so badly.