Damaged Wings

Chapter 10: Will It Ever Be Okay?

I open my eyes and the first thing I see is a white ceiling. I'm in a hospital. Fuck! How am I not dead yet? I should be dead. This isn't right.

I groan and look to my left. Of course he's here. I don't even want to look at him. I said no. He told me to put the knife down and that he loved me, and I said no. I'm a horrible person. Who does that to someone they love? That's right, a monster. Which is what I am.

He's sitting on a chair while his head lays on my bed. He's sleeping. Good. I grab the tube that's inserted in my arm and giving me medicine and am about to pull it out when I get interrupted.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. I don't want to have to fight you again."
Fucking Johanna. I should've noticed her.

"What the hell did you guys do?" I ask her angrily. She looks pissed.
"What the hell did we do?! What the hell did you do Kat! I know what happened to you, but how could you do that to Peeta? You know if you died he would go right after you. You'll heal Kat. It may take a while, but if I can do it you can too."

Peeta's awake now. Great.
"Katniss don't ever do that to me again. You almost died right in front of me! I thought you were really going to die!"
"That was the plan." I mumble quietly.
I still never made eye contact. I can't.
It's really quiet in here. It's now been five minutes since I said that.

"Kat?" I don't answer. "Katniss?" Still don't. "Katniss look at me!" I flinch when he yells and I feel him grab my arm.

I start to walk past him but he grabs my arm and pulls me back. "Ow! Gale what the hell do you think you're doing? Let go!" I keep trying to get out of his grip but I can't. He's too strong.

I scream at the memory and pull my arm away.
"I told you not to touch her!" Jo yells.
I immediately look at her with a pissed off look on my face.
"You fucking told him?!"
"No I didn't. I thought you should be the one to do it!"
"Tell me what?" I look at Peeta. He looks tired and cried out. It hurts me. I did that to him.

"Nothing." I turn my head and stare at the wall in front of me.
"No. It's not nothing. Don't do that to me Kat. After all that's happened don't you think I at least deserve to know?"
I just keep staring. Then I hear him whisper,"please." He's crying again because of me.

"You could have just let me die. Why didn't you?"
I hear him laugh humourlessly. "I honestly think you are fucking crazy."
I look at him with a surprised look on my face. What did he just say?
"Can you not see how I am completely and utterly in love with you. I can't live without you Katniss. You are my life. You're the mockingjay. You saved so many lives, including mine. You are beautiful and smart and brave and amazing. You can deny it all you want but you are. And I don't know what happened to you, but I would really loved it if you told me. I want to help you and be there for you. I love you Katniss, always."

Great now I'm crying. I look at Johanna and she nods her head. Here it goes.
"I, um, I was r-raped. That's what happened to me."
I see a bunch of emotions go through him, including anger, hate, surprise, and worry. He moves to hug me but I back away. "I um, prefer not to be touched right now. All I can see is him when someone touches me."
"I understand. But Kat, who did this to you? Tell me and I will find him and kill him. I can't believe someone would actually do that to you. You didn't deserve that at all."

He punches me one last time and I hear him say you deserved this and something else then he ran away.

"Yes I did." I whisper.
"No, you didn't. Why would you say that?" I look down at my lap.
"Because he told me I did."
"Yeah well he's a lying, stupid, dick so why would you even believe him?"
"He was my bestfriend!" Shit. I cover my mouth right away. Oh god. That was a total giveaway. Crap, he is going to kill me.

Surprise flashes over Peeta's face, but is immediately replaced with anger.
"Gale did this to you?! I'm going to kill that son of a-"
"No!" I scream. Peeta looks at me with disbelief.
"No? The guy hurt you in the worst way possible and you say no to me killing him?"
"Not yet. I want to talk to him first."
Peeta shakes his head.
"No. No fucking way. I'm not letting that psychopath near you ever again."
"That's not your decision to make!"
"Katniss. No."
"Peeta. Yes."

He sighs. "I'm not going to fight you on this."
"Good. I'm talking to him then."
"Fine, go ahead. But I'm going with you."
"No, you're not. I want to talk to him not watch a fight to the death."
"I can't protect you if I'm not there."
"I don't need protection. Just tie him up or something."
"Fine. Jo stay with her. I'm gonna find Haymitch then we'll go find Gale."
"Will do bread boy."

Peeta looks at me one last time before going. I can tell he wants to kiss me. I reluctantly reach out and touch his hand lightly. He smiles.

"I love you Katniss, always."
"I love you Peeta, forever."

And just like that he's out the door. Gone to search for my rapist. I hope it all goes good.

//

Well damn. That was a long chapter to write. Hope you enjoyed it.

-elyssa 💁