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' C H A P T E R — 0 0 1
' WORSE THAN HEARTBREAK — Her heart felt like spewing out of mouth, and her insides were knotted in a despicable way. Sweat traced through the patterns engraved in her palms while her fingers intertwined with each other.
She took a deep gulp only to feel it parched to the touch, with lumps formed from holding back tears.
The phrase "sorry" left no meaning anymore.
"I'm sorry" "I'm sorry" "I'm sorry" . . .
"I'm sorry you don't have long left to live."
They only stated the blatant obvious yet it still stung. No matter how many times she told herself, hearing it now, shattered all the sleepless nights she prepared for it.
"Your disease is getting worse. Take the medication at the front desk, it'll help with the pain"
It was almost laughable how they still bothered.
——
Y/n didn't care to pick up the medication now, she had dozens at home uselessly lying around.
Instead she tossed her bags towards the waiting room chairs and instinctively ran through the flight of stairs, leading towards the hospital balcony roof.
The night breeze flowed through her locks and hummed to her heavy breaths. The crescent was only half full tonight but the moonlight still glowed on her fingertips. Y/n's bubbling frustration pent up and she yelled as loud as she could. She screamed and poured her distasteful feelings for all of [CITY] to hear.
"I don't want to die! I want to live! I want to live! I hate this stupid sickness!" She finally stopped to catch her breath and took a long pause for a moment and softly mumbled.
"I want to live till I don't want to anymore."Her tensed fist fell down to her hips but still throbbed with aggravation. An utterly bittersweet feeling.
"Are you finally done yet?" A curious tone came from behind, making her body rave with goosebumps.
Y/n turned around stammering, "Uhm y-yeah." Her breathing turned to the same rhythm as her heartbeat, he must've heard it. But she begged he didn't. That her hidden feelings stayed what it was truly supposed to be. Meaningless stupid feelings, feelings that shared a sacred secret with her and her grave.
Yet she screamed it without hesitation, crazily enough wanting someone out there to listen to what she cried so much about. And that would somehow be comforting enough. How she felt contradicted her own logic and idea of taking secrets to her grave but messy emotions was what made her feel normal.
The stranger stood back, giving the two of them distance. He realized he made the girl feel uncomfortable by his unexpected appearance. The man didnt say anything more and walked closer to the balcony, his grip tightening against the rails. "I want to stop feeling so alone!" His voice echoed and his breaths warmly fogged and smoked.
The tall figure shakily let go of the handles and tried to somewhat compose himself before walking back. And for a slight moment, he rested his hand on y/n's shoulder. "I don't usual do stupidly dumb things like this but, we'll probably never meet again." He put on a half smile at y/n and whispered, "Now we both know each other's secrets. Don't tell anyone I did something this embarrassing."
Then lifting his hand up, the weighted door soon closed behind her. Leaving y/n alone under the ray of stars. The moonlight still lit her through her fingertips and her cheeks flushed in the color of smeared velvet buttercream.
Her heart's warm feelings dissolved the acidic ones.
