Break OUT

Telling my story

It's the morning time and today is my sophomore retreat which gives me chills just thinking about and now I must pull all my emotions out to the sophomore class

I enter the school bus and I sat in the back and quietly played on my phone and repeated the  speech

We did a session and then it was turn to speak my nerves were through the roof

Attention this speaker are going to be vulnerable so please respect them and the story there telling and first up

Alex's

Hey guys

I looked nervous

Side note this will have triggers for some people just be prepared

As most of you know me as Austin but my name was changed to Alex why you may ask the crap I been through a lot. For me the names Austin is triggering for me when I was a freshman my mother left my family it was just me and my sister who a junior. My father became a alcoholic and watching them just doesn't feel good to watch them suffer. He drink more and then became abusive physically he would call worthless and I just die no one cares about me. Then the most disgusting thing that could happen to me my father used me his daughter as sexual object and soon got pregnant with his child. I didn't know what do I was so disparate to be free that I got an abortion done I understand that it wrong but I had no choice. When my father found out that I had done that he beat the shit out of me and had me starve to death. I didn't know how long I would live for but the mental strain on my life happen when I started getting bullied for begin myself. I lost faith and I started thinking suicide was the best option for me. One day I got an F on my test and my dad caused me to attempt suicide. Holding that razor is miserable you don't want to cut but you want to die and feel human again and don't want to feel numb. I had nothing to live for but when one of our theology teacher step in and saved my life I'm happy again. My only advice to you is to keep your head up hard days will past and never ever think suicide will solve your problem it will only cause more pain to your family and we want your around thank you

Alex that was a powerful speech I just want to tell you something that god will be there for you even if your family isn't

We did the rest of the retreat and then I got to go home and sob myself to sleep

Hey Alex

What dad

You okay

I'm emotional exhausted and just want to die

Oh sweet no one wants that

You sure

Yes

You are sweet loving girl

Why wrong the boys talk to me

What boys

High school boys treat me like shit

Boys are stupid my dad laughed

If you need to talk I'm here for you

Okay dad

He closed the door and I went Instagram some of the comments were disgusting and disturbing towards me. Calling a faggot and I should kill myself and I was fat and unloved my tears fell harder

I decided to change my name to Ally

Hey it dinner

I'm not hungry

My mom looked at me with concern eyes

You okay sweetie

I'm fine

You don't seem fine you always hungry she laughed

Go away mom please

I'm not leaving until you tell me what is wrong she demanded

Take a look for yourself

OMG she started crying

I told you

What wrong

Look

Hannah set this up

I'm so sick of this

By the way my new name is Ally

I like it it fits you

You want food

No I would rather fucking die

Sweetie you can't say that

I don't care obviously they want me dead

No they don't okay my dad said

I went to the table and all the food made my stomach hurt

I tried eating it but I couldn't stomach the pain so I ran off to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet as I laid my head on the toilet seat I started bawling my eyes as my dad rubbed my back

Just breathe baby girl you are fine