𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐈𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐄 [𝐣.𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫]

7: 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔬𝔫𝔢 𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔰𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔲𝔰 𝔞𝔭𝔬𝔩𝔬𝔤𝔦𝔷𝔢𝔰 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔭𝔯𝔞𝔱 𝔟𝔢𝔥𝔞𝔳𝔦𝔬𝔯

Sirius Black couldn't take it anymore.

It had been a week. A week of silence, awkward, un-Jameslike smiles, and hard stares at the board whenever they were in class. A week of wishing to take back potent words, regret, regret, and so much more regret.

A week was more than enough.

You can't ignore me forever, he thought, trying to telepathically deliver his message through his sandy curls. Come on, mate, just look at me.

Now, as he looked into those conflicted hazel eyes, he thought his heart would stop. He'd finally cornered Moony, but this long-awaited moment hadn't played out as he planned. He wasn't cool or composed, no, his heart jumped in his chest, nerves festering and tingling throughout his body.

Sirius Black hated being wrong. There was no room for anything less than perfect. There was no room for mistake, for error in such a precise, calculating world. Wrong meant punishment. Owning up to your wrongdoings was like a lamb walking itself to its slaughter. A senseless, stupid act.

A dark, twisted part of him just wanted to move on with a nonchalant shrug, tell himself over and over and over that he was being overdramatic. He didn't need anyone. He could do it all alone, as he had for so many years.

But his heart, that idiotic muscle, always came back to Remus Lupin. He and his scarred hands, which he always shoved into his pockets, the bump on the bridge of his nose from the time he got into a fight with Mulciber, his unruly hair, which Sirius always felt the urge to run his fingers through. Wait, that wasn't right. He scoffed, shaking the thought away. What the hell?

He took a few more steps towards his friend, who looked at him with defiant consternation, his angular jaw so sharp and- huh? Focus.

He tried to smile, but it came out supercilious and haughty. The ghost of his family was always with him, a shadow within his instinct, revealed subtly, coaxed out whenever he tensed.

He wanted so badly to see the corners of Remus's lips turn up, partially goofy and abashed, almost ashamed of his own happiness. That knowing smile that threatened his heartbeat, his very existence on the planet. There was no greater gift than watching his Moony smile.

His fantasies dissolved into thin air as he stared at the cold, unsmiling version of Moony that had never been reserved for him before. His jaw was set, eyes cautioned in a warning. One he refused to heed.

He took a deep breath.

You don't need him.

No, shut up.

He's being weak. He's overreacting.

Will you just be quiet?

He took a deep breath. Come on, just say it, before he gets bored.

"I'm sorry."

********

Remus Lupin felt his fists clench, his vision tainted with red-hot rage.

He took a step back, blood coursing through his head, an incredulous laugh breaking free from his diaphragm.

"Oh, you're sorry, aren't you?"

He saw Sirius blink, shocked. Good. Take him and his stupid, perfect face by surprise.

"You spit out your stupid, prejudiced opinions, then corner me after class and all you can say is that you're sorry?" He asked again, face contorted with rage. It was all a blur, the world whizzing through his head at a thousand miles a minute. "Well, guess what, Sirius? Sorry doesn't bloody cut it!"