who's your daddy ; h.s.

alternate ending

Olivia found nostalgia to be a slippery slope.

At first, it would be as simple as the family photo on the wall. Thinking about how good that day had been for her, and the memories that came with it. And before she knew it, she would be curled up in a ball in her bedroom wondering where it had all gone wrong. She felt okay. Every day was a new battle, but she was finding new ways to manage. May it be going back to work part-time, or spending time with her kids to keep her mind off the unthinkable. She was doing it all, pulling all the right stops. But it was a moment of weakness that forced her to retrace her steps and end up right where she had begun.

Crying was reserved the night. When Elliot and Lottie were tucked in, and she had free reign over her emotions. It was seldom that she would give in fully; but she had reached a new low. This time? Her Facebook memories being the culprit. She had been on a date night with Harry five years ago, to the day. It was less of a friendly reminder, and more of a violent jostle to reality. That her life had come down to being a single mother of two. Tonight, she had decided to crack open the bottle of Pinot Noir on the counter, watch her wedding video in the same sweatshirt that used to belong to her husband.

There were palm trees, and the magnificent oceanic view from the hotel landing as they exchanged their vows. And when the camera panned to Harry, eyes round with unfamiliar anxiety, a new meaning took over what he had said to her.

"Olivia. Men do stupid things when they're in love. God as my witness." Harry chuckled, eyes panning over her face before clearing his throat and continuing to read off the lined paper he had so clearly stolen from a spiral notebook. "There have been so many things in my life that have come and gone, but you're the only thing I have ever been sure about. The only person in my life that knows every possible way to put a smile on my face." Harry's eyes glazed over, before folding the page back up and shoving it into his pocket, sniffling more. "I am so stupid with love for you, Liv. I want you, even on the days where you can't stand looking at me. On the nights you're too drunk to walk home. The mornings where you forgot to take off your makeup from the night before. If a day came, and you decided you were done; I'll still want you. Every day, for the rest of my life. Because I don't think I could ever know a version of myself that doesn't love you."

There was sniffling. Lots of tears, and a significant amount of hiccups involved. In the video, and the woman on the other side watching it. Everything in shambles before them. The deed had been done hours before he stood in front of her and made promises he knew he couldn't keep. It made her sick. She wanted him to mean it. She wanted it more than anything. She wanted to wake up and find him sound asleep right next to her as if it had all been a sick, fucked up dream. But she was planted firmly in her dark living room, flashes of her naivety presented to her in the format of a video from the same man who had done her best friend's wedding years prior.

Olivia paused the video on their first dance, the frame seemingly captured Harry and Olivia staring at one another, while Thea sat in the background staring at them with a blank look on her face. Fresh tears packed in the corner of her eyes before she allowed herself to give in. The last time before she would turn it off and go to bed, hoping to wake up in a world where she had magically gotten over Harry.

"Mummy?" Her little voice carried over from the doorway to the sofa. Little Charlotte, barely three and a half feet tall. One pajama leg pulled up to her half and the other tucked under her foot and her stuffed Elephant dragging behind her on the ground. Her hair was a ratted-up mess from going to sleep with it wet, her eyes as wide as almonds, staring directly back at her puffy eyed mother who had not been prepared to be caught in a moment so compromising to the image she had presented to them. Be strong in for them and show weakness in private. Lottie walked further into the room, looking between the television and her mother once more before sitting in her mother's lap on the sofa, burrowing her nose into her mother's neck. "Smell like daddy."