As I stare outside, my thoughts drifted away again. I keep thinking what will happen to us when we die. Then if I think of that, my mind would make an image of this girl. I know her hair color, her smile, her eyes but why does my mind keep blocking the full view of her face? Like it doesn't want me to remember yet.
I have a feeling that I once died and got reincarnated again. I keep having dreams and I keep seeing angels in my sleep. Even Jesus was once in my dreams. Am I gonna die? I mean, it explains the angels. Maybe they're calling me back home.
"Rosie, are you even listening to me?" It's quite crowdy outside today. Kids are even outside playing kites. I didn't know that kids still play with those kind of things nowadays. I thought they live in their phones now.
"Rosie Choi!" My friend pulled me out of my thoughts. I turned my head to face her and weakly smiled.
Sana frowned, probably worried again because I just keep spacing out. She'll probably ask if I'm okay again.
"Are you okay?" Told you.
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(Sana Minatozaki from Twice)
"What do you mean? I'm always fine." Sana clicked her tongue and shook her head. She didn't buy it. She knows something is up.
"You know I'm always here for you, right? Also Mina is here for you who is late again by the way." Mina Myoui, my other Japanese friend. Unlike Sana who is childish and energetic in any way, Mina is the opposite.
I chuckled and said, "She's always late."
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(Mina Myoui from Twice)
I started eating again while Sana just watches me, analyzing me to be exact. And it's making me uncomfortable.
"Seriously Rosie, what's up?"
I swallowed my food and I looked at her straight in the eyes. She, of course, leaned in, eager to hear my answer. With a serious face and a serious voice, I slowly muttered the words, "The roof."
Sana was about to slap my shoulder but Mina suddenly appeared out of nowhere.
"Sorry I'm late. There was a cu—"
"There was a cute dog that needed my attention. We know!" Sana and I both said.
"You keep repeating your excuses and we're tired of it." So true.
"Try making new ones." I suggested with a teasing smile on my face.
Mina pouted and took off to take her order. We're currently in a café, well we're always here anyways. It feels like this café is our second home.
As I finished my food, Sana is still looking at me with worried eyes. She leaned in and whispered, "Are you by any chance depressed? I mean, there is nothing wrong with it. I just want you to kno—"
I flicked her forehead and she greeted it with an ouch. "Stop it right there, sister. You're reading the book wrong."
"Then what is it? You're making my brain hurt."
"I'm just thinking of something, someone..." Sana sighed as she heard the last word.
"Are you thinking of her again? How can you be so sure that it's not all just in your head?"
"I know that I made a lot of mistakes because of my decisions in life but this time, this time I know that I am right."
"But how do you know?"
"I just know, okay?"
"Know what?" Mina, again, appeared out of nowhere sipping her iced coffee. Her eyes were glistening with questions.
"The girl." Sana sighed as she sipped her fruit tea.
"Oh, that girl." Mina said as she sat beside me. "I mean, if she is real, how will you find her? There are billions of people. How do you know that she's in the country where you are in?"
"She's here." I just know it.
Sana sighed. "Again, how can you be so sure?"
"I just feel it." I don't know how to explain this but last year it didn't feel like this. Last year felt like she was nowhere near me but now, it feels like she's everywhere.
Mina and Sana looked at each other and just shrugged. They're probably tired of my nonsense now.
I'm not crazy, right? How can my mind cope up with this? I started having dreams about the girl when I was five. Five and it continued until now. But the difference was as I get older, the girl's image keeps getting clearer. And now the only thing that is not clear about her image is her face.
Maybe my mind is telling me that it is now the time to look for her. That it is up to me to find the missing piece and put it in the right place.
"You, my dear, are not making any sense right now." Sana said, pointing her cup at me.
Sana then put her cup at the table and slowly smiled, "But tell us if you find her."Well, at least my friends are supportive with my craziness.
"I will."
How will I not? She's my purpose in this life. I feel like I live to find her. My body and mind tell so. Like I was given a second chance to find her and to make it right this time.
This time.
Hmm... that's weird. It feels like I've done something wrong in my previous life and that is why I said this time. It feels like I need to monitor my actions so I won't repeat the same mistakes.
But what mistake was that?
It's useless to try and remember because the only hint I got was the girl.
Maybe when I was in Heaven, Jesus was like, "Go and search for her, my child." Then He pushed me off the Heaven and I was born again. That would have been funny if that really happened.
But if I am right and my purpose is her then I need to find her because I have this feeling that if I find her, something will come back.
