Lacuna

chpt.44

June 29, 1999

Dear Harry,

You saved in every possible way a girl could be saved. The way your fingers brushed against my face, the way you held me in your arms, the way you never gave up on me even though we both thought we would never be together. The moment I read your name on the piece of parchment the life of me was sucked out of me like I just kissed a dementor and my blood ran cold.

In the middle of the night I think about you and how much I miss you. I dream of us together old and frail rocking in rocking chairs as we hum to an old tune enjoying the life we spent together. I was numb for so long and little part of me wishes i were still that way again so I couldn't feel the pain of your loss.

I will forever love you even if you're gone. I will forever wait for you even if you're dead. Our time together was cut way short but our memories will be enough for me to remember you for a lifetime. Sometimes I think I can still hear you voice.

I have every single one of your flannels and your quidditch jumpers. They all smell like you and it pisses me off so much that we don't have a photo of us together. Not one but I'll never forget you. Not ever never in my life.

You are the reason why I'm alive and the you'll forever be the reason why I'm going to stay strong and wait till things will get better. Right now, I feel like they never will but they will. Eventually.

Eventually I'll be able to look back on you and smile rather than cry. The day won't be for a long, long time but it'll be some day. I hope you're waiting for me too Harry but watch over us, okay?

Give Hermione and Ron a little sign so they can feel you. I love you so much and I wish I could've told you that more but hey, I'm saying it now. I love you! I love you! I love you! I wish I could've gotten a proper goodbye but this will have to do.

I remember our last kiss, March 2. That might've been 3 months ago but I remember as if it were yesterday. That was also the first time we said I love you and unfortunately the only time we did but that's okay. At least we said it to each other once.

I just don't understand why you'd run away like that but we miss you Harry. We all truly do.

Also, I hope you and Draco are getting along in whatever the hell the afterlife is, and for the poor old sake of mine, you two better have some fucking fun..but not too much without me.

-Cordelia Jean Burke.

Cordelia finished writing her letter and stared down at as tears fell from her eyes. She folded the parchment and stuck it into her pocket. Today was the day of his funeral.

It took place in the quidditch pitch, his favorite place at Hogwarts. They were burying an empty casket since they didn't actually find his body, they ruled it out as a death when they found his bloodied clothes.

A little voice in the back of her head is telling her that's he's still alive but she won't let herself get her hopes up.

Cordelia wore black, as well as everyone else but wore a light blue and white flannel of his over it. The entire wizarding community was there, I mean the entire community . Viktor Krum showed, the entire Weasley family, girls from Beaubaxtons.

Everyone that they could fit down on the grassy area in quidditch pitch. Chairs were set up everywhere and the color red was also very prominent in the decorations. They had multiple poster boards set up of him and his friends.

There were so many and Cordelia absolutely admired them as she scanned the boards at Hermione and Ron's side. Ron was already fighting back tears and her eyes fell on a photo that she didn't even know existed.

It was her laying on top of him the night her and Hermione got drunk and she stayed in the Gryffindor common room. She gasped and looked at Hermione pointing at the photo.

"Look...who took that photo?" Cordelia chuckled. Hermione smiled and shrugged looking down at it. Hermione took out her wand gently waving it and Cordelia watched as she replicated the photo.

Cordelia caught it in her hands and stared down at the picture. She watched as his chest slowly raised and fell as did hers. Cordelia felt as a tear slipped down her cheek as she smiled at the photo.

"He loved you so much." Ginny said as she walked up to them and put a hand on Cordelias shoulder.

Cordelia laughed at Ginny's statement looking back up to her freckled face.

"Yeah?" Cordelia replied. Ginny nodded before pulling her into a hug.

More and more people began arriving to the funeral soon enough everyone was seated and the place was packed full of mourning souls. Cordelia sat with Ron Hermione and Daphne.

Many shared stories about Harry, funny, sad and downright stupid stories about him that really brought joy and sadness to all. Cordelias heart ached terribly. The sun shined down on the white casket that had piles of flowers on the top of it.

Harry's with his family now, all of the family he had watched die since he was an infant.

———

Hours passed and the funeral was coming to an end. The day was growing old and seats were slowly being emptied as everyone went up to the casket to say their goodbyes to Harry even though he wasn't in the casket.

All the chairs sat empty now but for one in the second row back, where Cordelia sat in her flannel that didn't match her dress or the occasion at all. Everyone had went up to the castle to have a meal before the trains left taking everyone who wasn't a student home.

She stared ahead at the casket not knowing what was next. How is she going to move on with life when her only goal was to have Harry? What's next after Hogwarts? What's next after tomorrow's graduation?

Cordelia closed her eyes and just imagined Harry sitting beside her and that they weren't in the quidditch pitch. That they were seated at the bride and grooms table at their wedding, a wedding they were robbed of.

She snapped open her eyes and turned to her side just to see an empty seat that Daphne had sat in not too long prior. Cordelia sighed and stood from her seat walking up to the casket and rested a red carnation on the top of the casket.

Cordelia reached into her pocket and pulled out the letter she written to him and took her wand using it as a quill to erase the part about her being upset about how they didn't have a photo together and smiled.

Cordelia took the photo of them sleeping together and put it on the letter before folding it up and cupped her hands over the parchment  and whispered a spell under her breath.

She unclasped her hand an origami paper bird sat in her hands. She brought her hand up to her mouth blowing the now alive bird into the sunset.

She grinned as she watched the paper bird flutter it's wings as it flew into the pink and blue sunset. One last tear trickled down her cheek and she patted the top of his casket.

"It always had to be you."

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I cried writing this chapter 😭