Turpentine & Vetiver

30. Isolation Chamber

  -But in you is the presence that will be, when all the stars are dead.
                             — Rainer Maria Rilke

                            *  *  *

   Inky's apartment was about the same as Thorn remembered it; perhaps slightly more disorderly than usual. She brewed them some tea, and Thorn stared across the studio at the shrouded sculpture of the abomination, and the axe lying unassumingly on the floor. Random articles of Inky's paint-stained wardrobe were scattered about, piled on the desk chair, lying crumpled on the floor near the closet. She caught him staring at the mess, and looked away in embarrassment. Thorn didn't know quite where to begin, and looked over at Inky.
"I don't know how I was able to come back- I started seeing you through the void- at my place, that night you were-" he gestured at the scar that was slightly visible above the neckline of Inky's dress. She looked self-conscious; once again fragile and introspective. "I tried to contact you, then- but you looked so scared- you ran away," Thorn continued, reaching out his hand to hold hers. "You were gone for over a year- I didn't know what to think- I didn't even think that you were coming back, Thorn." Her voice was quiet, reserved, and she stared up at him with a broken look in her grey eyes. "A year? I- time is different in the void- I didn't think I was gone for that long. For me, it only seemed like a few months."
   Thorn stared down at their hands, at the fading grey inkstains on their skin. He listened as Inky explained that the detectives had left town once the murders seemed to cease, and that she'd had to lie to the museum- saying he'd gone out of the country for a business trip. "I told them you were visiting art museums in Europe," she admitted sheepishly. They drank their tea in silence, awkwardly staring at the floor. "What happened to you in there?" Inky finally spoke again, and Thorn averted his eyes. Where the hell do I even begin? He set the empty teacup on the counter, and she went into the kitchen to make more tea.
"Honestly- at first it was terrifying- the abomination was always there, watching me, taunting. It couldn't physically harm me, but I believe that its goal was to drive me insane. Remember- it's actually scared of me- since I have the power to destroy it." He took the cup of tea Inky held out to him; a strange floral herbal variety. She was staring at him, curiosity in her expression. "After a while, though- it chose to mostly ignore me, and I was pretty much isolated with only my own mind to keep me company, my own dark thoughts. I thought I was going insane for a long time." He paused, drinking the tea. It tasted similar to the way the flower shop smelled; green, earthy, and herbaceous. Inky was always drinking tea- some things never changed.
"I think that this was the way the abomination chose to torture me- leaving me alone with -everything- what I've done- that I've had to kill people, which I don't know whether or not I actually regret. I don't exactly know, Inky. I feel like I came back wrong, more broken somehow. It's hard to explain it, I'm not even sure how I managed to escape..." Suddenly, explaining all of this to Inky made him feel oddly uncomfortable; overwhelmingly tired. He sat down on the grey fold-out couch, staring up at the ceiling. "It's okay, Thorn. You don't have to talk about it anymore- I understand. At least, I'm trying to." Inky finished her tea, appearing extremely unsettled.
   Thorn stood up, walking across the studio to inspect the still-intact sculpture. Its humanoid form was layered in wires, wax, and ink; vintage photos were affixed to its torso, and it stared eyelessly at him. In form, it looked like a mannequin without limbs- but also somehow hideously foreign and vague. "I don't know how I got away from the Red Void- if this damn thing is still here," he said; both perplexed and frustrated. He turned to face her, and noticed that she appeared somewhat agitated. Maybe we shouldn't be here right now, Thorn thought, hoping he hadn't upset Inky- it was definitely not his intent.
He remembered the underground room he'd set up for Inky, and how he'd never been able to show her- before he'd gone into the Red Void. "Let's get out of here for a bit- there's something that I wanted to show you," Thorn explained quietly. After leaving the apartment, Inky followed Thorn's directions; driving them out of town in her beat-up black car. They arrived in the overgrown wooded area where the old warehouse building was located, and she parked her car under a large oak tree. They got out of the car, and Thorn led her through the forest along a trail, dense with brambles and ferns, until they finally reached their destination.
The warehouse still seemed to be untouched by humanity- save for the ubiquitous graffiti tagging the outside walls. Thorn hoped that nobody had ventured into the depths of the sub-basement room- if anyone had disturbed the room he'd so meticulously created for Inky- well, he had several ideas of what he'd do to any unfortunate trespassers. Inky carelessly stepped through the open doorway, nearly tearing the sleeve of her jeans jacket on an errant piece of sharp wire. "Careful," Thorn told her, "there's broken glass down here, and lots of sharp debris." He held her hand, making sure they avoided the scraps of rusted metal and broken glass on the ground. The interior of the building was as dark as he'd remembered it; the darkness all-encompassing and pervasive.
"Where are we going?" Inky asked him, sounding nervous. "You'll see," Thorn replied vaguely, leading her down a pitch-black corridor. The air around them was stale; the odor of rusted metal and wet concrete somewhat unpleasant and regrettably familiar. "Thorn- it's too dark in here for me to actually see anything," Inky complained, her free hand trailing tentatively along the damp wall in the dark. "I know where we're going. Besides- I can see in the dark," he answered. "Stop touching the walls- there's some sharp metal on that side," he warned. Inky withdrew her hand immediately, remaining silent.
She held his hand tightly, and Thorn could sense her unspoken fear. He led her down the stairwell into the black abyss of the sub-basement, down several flights of stairs- the levels becoming increasingly darker; almost impossibly devoid of light. Once they reached the lowest level, Inky flicked her lighter on, the small flame barely illuminating the room. "Don't- put that away," Thorn instructed her, not wanting to reveal his surprise quite yet. "Not yet..." She put the lighter away, and it was dark once more. "Why are we here?" Inky inquired, tone impatient. Thorn remained silent, the only sound around them was the slow dripping of accumulated water from the ceiling. "Stop asking so many questions," he replied in irritation. "Sorry."
They walked into the center of the room, the concrete floor dipping lower at this point. Thorn located the lightswitch, and the entire room was abruptly visible- lit by the bright bulb. It still looked the same as when Thorn had left it- the collection of dripping wax candles, the dried flowers, the reclaimed stained glass panel. His present for Inky, undisturbed even after his year in hell. He watched as she stared around the room in awe, her grey eyes shining in the light. "What do you think?" Thorn asked quietly, trying to read her reaction. Inky stared at him, taking a deep breath.
"I- I don't know what to say- this place is amazing. Did you do all of this?" He nodded, averting his gaze. "I wanted to show you before the- incident with the Red Void," Thorn confessed. "It looks better when all the candles are lit up, but obviously I didn't have the time. I- liberated the glass art from an old church, when I was on one of my business trips." He watched as Inky looked around the room again, eyes wide in amazement and quiet reverence. "Anyway, I wanted you to see this- I did all of this for you." She looked away self-consciously; "thank you. I don't know what to say," she answered quietly. He watched as she inspected the stained glass in contemplation, then turned to face him again.
"Your mind isn't broken, Thorn. There is definitely darkness there- but I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Hell, I even understand why you had to do the things you did. At first- I didn't understand. I won't lie to you and tell you that I didn't find it disturbing at first. Life is disturbing though- and my life is much better with you in it. I believe that we can destroy the abomination, or at least lock it away." Inky took his hand, staring up at him, her eyes showing no deception. "I read everything you wrote in the Moleskine journal," she admitted softly, as if she were trying not to offend him.
"So I guess you know the truth about how I feel- how everything makes me feel," Thorn said calmly; feeling as if for once in his life, he could be completely honest with another person- no judgment, criticism, or looks of disgust. Inky nodded. "You told me that it's hard for you to feel anything- but I can feel your pain, the anger and frustration over what's happened to you, and I can see how you feel about me." She turned away shyly, lighting one of the red candles. "I already know that you were following me before we met- so that part wasn't disturbing to me. Your writing- I feel like I can connect with you, and you didn't even have to say anything."
Thorn stared at Inky, her confession sinking in- she'd told him everything that was on her mind. In slow comprehension, he realized that she pretty much knew almost everything he'd kept hidden; locked away in his head for so many years. Normally, he would have felt threatened by this- that someone had seen past the exterior facade- yet with Inky, it was different. I suppose I really am in love with you... because for some strange reason, I'd tell you anything about me if you asked me to. I don't want to ever hide anything from you again, Inky. Thorn pulled her close, staring into her eyes and sensing no hesitation.
He held her wrist, noticing she still wore the red ribbon from the day he'd showed her the photographs in the darkroom- in his office at the museum. "Thorn?" her voice was quiet, almost shy. You said you would follow me into the dark... if I hold your hand; would you still be afraid? Do you trust me, Inky? Thorn had an idea, something he'd absently thought of before but had not experienced. Everything was always so much different in the dark; no pretenses, it was all so much clearer. He leaned closer to Inky, whispering, "we're going to try something different this time, I think." He flipped the lightswitch back off, and the entire shrine-room was dark once again; only the singular red candle remaining- its small flame flickering urgently before being extinguished by a cold draft. Wispy grey smoke trailed upwards before dissipating into the vast, black nothingness.
"What do you mean?" Inky asked nervously, and Thorn could sense that she was trying to ignore her fear of the dark. No; fear of the unknown, because it wasn't really the dark- rather, the things that dwelled within it. "Think of it as a sensory deprivation chamber- most people can't handle the complete and utter lack of light- I've always found it... interesting." Thorn looked over at her, she still seemed a bit unsettled but was remaining calm, despite their dark surroundings. "Besides," he added darkly, "I won't let anything hurt you... unless you want ME to." Thorn stared down at her- he knew that she couldn't see in the dark like he could; he was in complete control of their situation...
NO- you can't think like that. Not anymore. He slowly traced the scar Inky had cut over her heart, promising himself he wouldn't think about her in that context. I don't need to be in control when I'm with you- because you always let me be myself- you don't pretend like everyone else does. You've seen the terrible things I've done, and for some reason, you can overlook them. You never look at me like I'm unworthy of life itself.
A strange, faraway sound broke his contemplation; almost like the echoes of a train. "What was that?" Inky asked, looking around in panic. "There's nothing in here- just us. Trust me," Thorn answered, quietly laughing to himself. Please realize- I wouldn't willingly put you in any danger. He let go of Inky's wrist, gently running his hand through her tangled black hair. She averted her eyes shyly, as though she were embarrassed to be scared of something as benign as the dark. Thorn watched as she took off her jacket, setting it aside; slipping off the black vintage dress. She appeared less self-conscious now, more aware of her dark surroundings.
   "I trust you," Inky told him, her voice quiet yet honest. He slid one hand across her neck, feeling her rapid pulse rate against his skin- not from fear; but from their close proximity. Right- it's been over a year since the last time we were together like this, Thorn thought, reminding himself of what they'd done together on the glass drafting table in his office. Was that really over a year ago? "You know I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose," he told her softly; staring at her pale, exposed skin through the darkness of the room. Inky's body was pressed against his, and he felt her shiver slightly -she's always so cold- Thorn stared down at her, watching her reaction. He wondered if she could sense he was staring at her; perhaps not- the room was so dark.
   "Why am I the only one with their clothes off?" Inky remarked- the abruptness of her comment making it seem louder in the silence surrounding them. Thorn almost laughed; sometimes she said more inappropriate things than he did. "Oh, so you are- enjoying this," he commented, attempting to seem ambivalent to her remark. He slowly moved a hand up the bare skin of her leg, noticing she was- somewhat cold. Inky didn't say anything- maybe she was embarrassed by what she'd so boldly said- although he could tell she was trying to control her shaky breathing. She pulled him closer, and Thorn saw that her hands were shaking.
   "You know- I did want to kill you at first- but I think you'll agree that this is much more enjoyable- for both of us." Thorn briefly remembered when, at first, he had wanted to put an end to her existence- and he noticed his own involuntary reaction to this thought- staring at his hand around Inky's neck like it did not belong to his body. I don't want to hurt you- but it looks like you are enjoying this, after all. Thorn stared at her intently, trying to memorize her expression. "Maybe you should have," Inky whispered, pressing her neck against his hand, closing her eyes again. "I don't think so," he answered, feeling her blood rushing warm beneath her skin. Thorn leaned down to kiss her, moving his hand further up her leg, fingers tracing across the letter-opener scar.
   He took his jacket off, laying it aside. The rest of the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of them alone in the dark. Thorn found it nearly impossible to think of anything besides Inky's hands on his skin; an anchor to reality. "I've missed you, Inky," he admitted quietly. The darkness surrounding them seemed to be protecting them from the outside world, and Thorn imagined that it might not be such a terrible thing to accept his own dark mind, as depraved as his thoughts were sometimes. If Inky saw something in his mind that she thought she connected to- he couldn't be a completely terrible person, after all? Surely both of them didn't deserve to be constantly tormented by the Red Void?
   "All I've wanted was to be here with you," Thorn confessed, gently touching the side of her face. It was true- even while trapped in the void with the abomination- the images of himself with Inky helped keep him sane; attached to reality. She pulled him on top of her, staring up at him; grey eyes full of complete trust. "This is all I wanted- for over a year, I've been going slowly insane trying to bring you back from the void. I love you, Thorn- no matter how damaged you think your mind is- and I'll never leave you- I promise." Inky's skin felt soft against his; real- and this was the best kind of reality to return to. "I escaped that place because of you," Thorn told her, knowing this to be the truth. He traced his hand over the small crescent-shaped scar on her ribcage; feeling her body shiver in response.
   Thorn decided that he would try to suppress and ignore his murderous impulses- for Inky's sake, because he would do anything to keep her safe. I know we'll defeat the Red Void... afterwards, I won't need to kill for blood sacrifices. Killing doesn't make me feel anything inside- however, being with Inky- I feel everything. I'll only kill now if I have to, in self-defense. He held Inky's hand possessively; his other hand pressed against the side of her leg. Inky stared up at him, whispering his name into the dark. Her skin no longer felt cold against his, and she pulled him closer; her fingernails leaving small crescent-moon marks on his back. Inky's heartbeat was rapid; her breathing was shallow and erratic in response to the way he touched her.
   They were the parallels of creation and destruction- and Thorn knew that they were stronger together- no matter the circumstances that tried to force them apart. He would help Inky defeat the abomination- no matter the cost. At the moment though, Thorn wasn't thinking of the void, its ceaseless red hell, or even of murder. There was nobody watching them this time, nothing vile or unholy hidden in the shadows. With Inky, the horrible, isolating thoughts faded away into a kind of numb static in the back of his mind, until all that was left was an unfamiliar clarity- maybe we can't really destroy the abomination, at least not its physical totem. Perhaps though, it's possible for us to lock it away.
   He stared down at Inky, sensing that in her mind, there was a similar concept slowly becoming more cohesive. Afterwards, she told him quietly, "I'm sorry you were in the void because of me... you've already been through so much." Thorn remembered his past, and thought to himself... you have no idea.