off the ice | l.mh

chapter 6.2

Slamming the dormitory door shut behind you, your skating bag hits the floor before you do. Back pressed against the concrete wall, shaking sobs rack through your body as you sink down to your feet.

"y/n, what happened?," Yuna peers over her computer screen. Your roommate had finally returned home a few days ago after her leg had finally healed enough to be discharged.

You don't answer, only burying your teary face into your arms as you cry harder.

The metallic creaking of crutches ensues as Yuna approaches your slumped form. A comforting embrace wraps around your shaking shoulders and the smell of her daisy perfume engulfs you. Her scarred hands stroke through your hair as she says nothing, waiting for your hiccups to calm down.

Guilt eats away at you like nitric acid. It mixes with your frustration, concocting a perfect poison that destroys your last thread of self-respect.

"Can you please stop asking? It's annoying"

"Can you please stop asking? It's annoying"

"Can you please stop asking? It's annoying"

The hurtful words don't stop echoing in your head. What's worse is, even though you didn't stay to look, you can imagine the pain that crossed his face as you left without another word. You feel absolutely disgusting.

This is it. He's finally going to be done with me.

Moments pass, Yuna sitting patiently by your side as you manage to find your voice. The dam you built around all your secrets cracks, disintegrating to pieces as you let everything out to your best friend.

You tell her about all of the hate messages you've been getting for months now - how you tried to ignore them, but some of them hit too way deep to forget. You tell her about the dilemma with Mark. He's never done any wrong to you, ever, but you feel like you can't keep forcing your problems on him. When you confided in your financial situation with him, he dropped everything to help you with the competition. You at least want to be able to handle one thing by yourself, to not be a burden, but it's tearing you apart at the seams.

"I don't deserve him and he's going to realize it sooner or later," you lament, gripping onto Yuna's arms for dear life. Gasping sobs ensue, even as you hold your breath desperately to stop them. "He's probably already realized it after what I said. Yuna, what do I do? I'm horrible". Bitter tears choke at your throat.

"Oh honey," Yuna coos into your hair, "you don't even know do you?".

Hiccupping uncontrollably, you take gasping breaths, trying to calm down. Your roommate understands, patting you gently on the back.

"When you're in a relationship with someone, the line between having enough communication and enough privacy is tough to figure out. Should you tell him about the lint between your toes? Maybe not. But talking to him about what's bothering you is not only okay, it's the right thing to do".

Yuna lifts your chin up to face her. She looks empathetically down at your watery eyes as she takes her sleeve to dry the fallen tears. You press your eyelids shut, taking deep breaths punctuated by hiccups.

"And Mark," she continues, "this guy, he looks at you like you're all the stars in the sky and he's the first astronomer. There's not a thing you could tell him that would bother him, that's what I think. And I think he's dying to know how he can help you".

"Yuna I- you don't understand. I just left him there after saying that. And I can't even go on a date with him without feeling like people are talking about us," you gasp out, "So the person sending the messages is right; I'm not good enough for him and he deserves someone way better than me. Maybe this is for the better".