Only You

Chapter 2

I head inside the classroom, scanning the room for Jane, I spot her quite easily, since it's not hard to miss a girl with a bush of curly blonde hair. I walk down the steps and sit in the seat next to her. "I'm so glad you made it!" she says and gives me an awkward hug while I'm settling in. "I'm taking the class with you from today, I added it to my schedule." I say in reply, her eyes beam with excitement at this news and I realise, I made the decision to take the class without even "sitting in" to see if it would be worth it. I just did it. I'm not an impulsive person, as I said, I'm and overthinking thinker, and as I take my seat, I'm impressed by this decision I made. I hope I didn't make a mistake, but it's Jane Austen, so it couldn't possibly be a mistake, could it?

"This is so exciting, we're going to have so much fun! When did you decide this?" she asks while looking at me. I take me books out and grab a pen to mark the notes 'Lit101' for future use.

"This morning actually, my schedule isn't that full, and I'm curious about English literature since I started my novel." I say as I turn to face her.

"that's good news, I'm happy, now we can hang out more, oh and we made a new friend, some boy who transferred from England, he's really nice, you'll like him, Jake knows him from somewhere I don't know, can't remember..." she says as I scribble words on my notepad. "That sounds nice, I'm glad you're making more male friends, just stay friends this time." I say and wink at her, whenever my best friend makes a new 'friend' they always end up making out or hooking up, and then they're not friends anymore, so I don't bother to get to know them. What's wrong with the world though, why does everything always have to be so messy, why isn't sex sacred anymore? I don't judge her, I just don't necessarily approve of her chosen life style. She laughs at me and rolls her eyes, she knows how I feel, but she also knows I love her and that I don't judge her, and that my door is always open if she wants to talk.

"Liz, this is Daxon, my new friend." She says to me.

Of course.

When I look up to meet her new found 'friend' I'm surprised to see that this friend I'm supposed to like, is no one other than my rude accented run in of this morning. I can't believe it, I'm quite shocked actually. But of course, this is what happens. How could it not? I don't know who I thought I'd be meeting but it sure as heck wasn't this rude man. A little piece of me, for once is happy that Jane can't seem to maintain friendships with males for more than two weeks.

"Well, well, well, I guess I'll be getting that apology after all." He says with a smug smile. I can feel my face forming in disgust in reply to his remark. Just like that I'm on defence again. I gather my thought and think about what I'll say to the six foot something man in front of me who is wearing black jeans and a grey shirt, but my mind is empty. His eyes seem even greener now than it did before, maybe that's because I saw red at the time of our incident. I look up at him and all give him my tiniest, fakest smile, I'm not letting him get to me, it's not worth it. He smiles back at me and surprises me by taking the empty chair next to me, taking out his notes, and I realise, he must be taking this class with us. With me.

During the lecture I can feel his eyes burning on me every now and then and I'm a bit uncomfortable with this handsome stranger looking at me. I do what anyone would do, I start fidgeting with my hair and every so often pull and tuck at my shirt. I'm so awkward and uncomfortable. I turn around to look at him "What?" I ask in annoyance. He smiles and turns to place his attention on the lecturer again, not answering my question, it's infuriating really, but I'm glad that he's no longer looking at me. A few seconds later he leans into me and whispers "I just think you're funny." I don't really understand why he finds me funny, I mean I am, but I haven't said more than ten word to him, and most of the words was just me calling him rude, he's annoying me, and I'll be finding another seat for the next class. He's distracting me from finding out why Darcy is the way he is, and that alone makes me want to smack him. "Funny? Please, you like drawing attention to yourself, that's why you enjoy annoying me, now stop staring at me and pay attention to the professor." I say and turn my back to him slightly by leaning on my one arm. He brings up his hands in defence and smiles. I didn't feel him staring after that again, and I felt a happy and disappointed sensation at the same time.

After class Jane says that we should all grab lunch at the pub and grill on campus because she's meeting one of her other 'male friends' there and she doesn't want to go alone, the only reason I agree to this nonsense is because I'm hungry and I've not had a chance to go grocery shopping for the apartment. The walk to the pub is long and awkward because Jane was on the phone with her friend telling him that we'll be there in five minutes and I'm stuck with Daxon, this is the longest five minutes of my life. I find it strangely satisfying that he doesn't speak, I don't know what to say which is why I too, don't try to engage in conversation, I just walk, silently, wishing I could speed up time for this horrendous affair that awaits me.

As we reach the pub, Jane darts out ahead of us and jumps into Adam's, I think is his name, arms, welcoming him with a warm embrace, I met him once before when we went to a movie premiere a few months' back, we didn't talk much, but he seemed nice, he's the first dude to stick around for more than two weeks, and I think he really likes her. He gives me a quick hug and gives Daxon a weird high-five-turned-hug-thing. It was very nonchalant, and some sort of greeting every guy seems to be programmed with. The waiter shows us to our booth and Jane slides in beside me, placing her in front of Adam.

"So I have something to ask you." Adam says and I can see his face turning a soft red colour as he looks at her, she doesn't seem to notice "Oh yeah, and what's that?" she replies quickly. He looks around nervously, while playing with his fingers, and shifts his gaze from her to me and then quickly back to her "My uncle is getting married next weekend, and I was wondering if you'd like to go with me, everything is already paid for, we'll leave one Friday and return on Sunday, it's okay if you don't want to go but I just think it would be fun if you could come, we don't have to stay long, we'll watch the I do's and then maybe we could grab some ice cream and head to the beach, or attend the after party I don't know, whatever you're comfortable with, we'll be flying, but if you don't want to we can drive, or take a bus, I don't know, as I said it's fine if you don't-" he gets cut off by Jane laughing and also blushing "Geez, of course I would, it sounds fun, now stop acting so nervous." She quickly replies and takes a big sip of her beer while giving him a shy smile. Her hand is placed softly on his and I can see, by the way that she is touching him, that she is just as nervous as he is. 

I look at them in awe, and remember a brief time in my life where I had also been excited about going to a wedding. I remember him asking me to accompany him to the wedding, months prior to the date, not two weeks, his mom told him that she would arrange the sleeping arrangements and that he would just need to find a date. We were in my car when he asked me, it was very casually done, and he made a weak attempt at telling me, that if he finds a girlfriend before then, he'd take her instead, still I agreed, because he was with me most of the time, I didn't see him finding someone else. I remember my hands going a bit numb because I was gripping the steering wheel to tight when he asked me, it was such a half assed effort but I was so excited. When we reached my apartment, he showed me a silly text from his mother that referred to me as his girlfriend and I could've swore I saw his face also turning bright red with just a faint hint of excitement too. I now know it was a toxic relationship, even for just a 'friendship', but I swear, I couldn't get enough of the poison he offered me to drink. Months later, a week before the wedding to be exact, he one night casually dropped in a conversation that he was now taking someone else, I was making food, his favourite - because I'm an idiot, when I dropped the spoon and walked to my room, he didn't even notice something was wrong. It's a small thing to allow yourself to break over, but a lot of small things, turn into big problems. He never said sorry until I confronted him about it and even then he didn't seem to have remorse for his actions. If you give everything you have to someone and they go around and treat you like that, like a piece a trash, you seem to break along with the other garbage he throws out.

He went on with his life and I was left with the mess that was my heart to clean. That wasn't the first, and certainly not the last time, that he, someone who I once loved, still love, broke my heart into a million tiny pieces, taking a piece of me with him every time. I couldn't manage to fix my heart after him, he broke me, and left me there, as he walked over me, toward her.

"Hey, are you okay?" I see a hand waving in front of my face trying to get my attention. "Where'd you just go?" Daxon asks, while taking a sip of his Coke, penetrating my eyes with his green beauties. He almost looks worried, as if he really knows that something is wrong. He seems so sincere in this moment, and a part of me wants to tell him, this complete stranger sitting in front of me, everything. I gasp for air and say "Just reliving the past." I break eye contact and pick at the fries in front of me.