I Trusted you

The Begining of Forever

"Words can be twisted into any shape. Promises can be made to lull the heart and seduce the soul. In the final analysis, words mean nothing. They are labels we give things in an effort to wrap our puny little brains around their underlying natures, when ninety-nine percent of the time the totality of the reality is an entirely different beast. The wisest man is the silent one. Examine his actions. Judge him by them." Have you ever heard that quote? Yeah me neither but it makes sense and after so long I'm finally starting to understand the truth within these few words. No matter what you are promised in life, it will never mean anything unless actions are shown. Actions speak louder than words and that's a fact.
I'm Ryan, Ryan Lopez to be exact. For the past 3 years and couple months I've been in what we call love. Literally I've been head over heels for a girl I thought would someday be my wife. Boy was I wrong. People change and with time words become nothing. As you can tell this isn't your typical romance novel and I'm no author but writing is a passion that's been growing inside over the years. My mother was a teacher for a couple years in her life and as I grew up she always told me that the best writing comes when your holding everything up inside, when you have something to say but don't really know how to say it. I agree, and I'm sure you do too. So as I begin to pour my heart out onto this little paper, let me be the first to tell you, nothing in life comes easy and when it does you can expect nothing but the worst from it.
Let me go back a second to where I told you I was in love. "Was," if it were as easy to feel it like it is to type I think the world would be a better place. Unfortunately life isn't that simple. I was 16 when it happened and she was 12 . I used to work at some snack bar at some lake for two years as a lifeguard but for some reason the year of 2011 they called me to work as an Icie boy instead of lifeguard. Working at a lake where all my friends went was embarrassing as is now imagine working as an Icie boy! Talk about humiliation!
I'm not the type of person to care too much about what others have to say so even though it bothered me I still went for it. It was a way to distract me from life. The best way to set your mind free from things is doing things to keep you from thinking to much and I was in need of a lot of things to do. Nothing seemed to be enough. No matter where I went, what I did, something somewhere would remind me of the things I was trying to run away from. But things were about to change. I could almost see it.
I was called to start my training one Saturday morning back in June, as excited as I was, (not necessarily true) I went ready to learn something new and hoping, no no praying none of my friends would see me. I walked up to the snack bar that day and I remember this old man with a white beard, bald head coming out and speaking a mixture of three different languages. He seemed to be pointing at the wall inside as he made his way out the door. He blabbered on about some light and a door that was supposed to be fixed that never got fixed and new employees that were suppose to be arriving soon. This man he looked so mean, he was a short man who kept stroking his beard almost every five minutes, with a beer belly that looked as if he were pregnant from about 6 months or so. I laughed at myself as I caught myself staring at his beer belly. All my uncles had beer bellys but none like his.
"Guy," he yelled as he walked towards me and grabbed my hands. I honestly didn't even know he noticed me and I was not expecting him to be so aggressive with his hand shake. You wouldn't expect someone you never seen in your life before to be so excited to see you. It was a bit odd if you ask me. It had taken me a couple of seconds to realize he was still shaking my hand and giving me this huge awkward smile that almost made his mouth look disproportionate to his face. I shook his hand back hoping he'd let go and stop smiling. He did, but then right when he opened his mouth to say something this girl came out and he quickly stopped himself from saying anything to me so he could talk to her about the light and door again.
As he started talking to her I was able to quickly pick up the language. It was Portuguese but not the kind I'm use too, it was a Brazilian Portuguese. He was telling her to tell the lakes manager to come talk to him because they had told him they would fix the lights this year and nothing had been done. I watched closely as she slowly lifted her head from the ground up to my face. My guess was she was checking me out and even though she tells me she didn't I know deep down she did, and she liked what she saw. The moment she realized she had been caught staring she quickly looked away. She held up her hand in order to silence the older beer belly man and made her way down to the beach area where Melissa the manager stood. I watched as she walked away. She seemed to be the quiet type didn't say much and it didn't look like she would anytime soon but as my story makes its way to the end you'll realize she's far from quiet. Don't judge a book by its cover they say.
As we, me and the beer belly man, stood there more new employees started to arrive. I waited as he tried to explain to me that we were waiting on three more employees before he gave us the tour. So I waited and a couple minutes before 10 the last person arrived. His name was also Ryan. I knew I wasn't going to be this kids biggest fan, I knew I wasn't going to be anyone's biggest fan. I'm the type of kid no one really likes in person. I'm quiet, until I get comfortable with you I won't say much, I'm tall, 5'8 to be exact and I'm what you call a nerd. It might not seem that way but I am and unfortunately that's not a good thing here where I live. You know those movies where high schools have popular kids n all that other junk no one really cares about? Well that's how it is here. It's horrible and I hated it up until my senior year where I went from a nobody to everybody's bed buddy. Ok maybe not bed buddy but I was everywhere with everyone no matter who I was dating. No I wasn't an angel and I'm probably still no angel but I'm trying. That's a promise.
After observing Ryan's face I realized this was one of my step sisters ex. I didn't like this kid before and I wasn't about to start liking him now. I was young when they dated but I still remember how he use to pick on me and push me around. I walked after the beer belly man and the rest of the employees as they made their way into the snack bar. Everything inside seemed to be so small and tight and it smelled like old oil. I looked around as he tried to explain in his mixed languages what things were and how they worked. I remember how everyone looked at each other and laughed because he couldn't speak correctly. He showed us how to make french fries and hamburgers and hotdogs as if we didn't know how but it is his business so he had all the right to tell us what to do and when to do it.
"Castro," she murmured as she made her way past me. I didn't even notice she had came back. She explained to the beer belly man, who's name was Castro, that they would be coming to fix it this week. I watched as he yelled back at her as if she were to blame. Could that be his daughter I wondered? She placed the paper she had been holding on the counter top and began talking.
" Hi everyone, I'm Cris. I have been working here for a couple of years and I will be in charge here for Castro has to be at Spruce Run making sure the guys up there do their work the right way. I believe Castro showed you all there was to know about the kitchen, the rest of the things will be taught to you along the way. Does anyone here have any female friends who would like a job? We have a space open on the gift shop as cashier but only girls are allowed to work there." We all shook our heads no not because we didn't have any I'm sure, but because we didn't really think anyone wanted to work here. "Okay, follow me" she said as she pulled one of the guys into the walk in freezer.
She made each one of us pick up a 5 pound container of Italian Icie and place it in this cart. We picked the best flavors, blueberry, cherry, coconut and green apple because we knew that who ever ran the Icie cart would get paid depending on how much they sold and we all wanted to get pain a lot. She looked around pointed at me and said, "You stay here." I watched as she made her way back to the kitchen with the other two guys, told them to stay put and came back. She explained to me how to make the Icie and how much to put. They were $2.00 each she said. She told me good luck and told me to go.
I walked up and down the walkway of the beachfront pushing the cart. It was super heavy and I could barely feel my legs after awhile. I'm pretty sure it wasn't that heavy but I've been a little sick so I was a bit weaker then ever. Sweat poured down my face and back as if I were in the shower with clothes on and everything. I couldn't wait to go home. I couldn't wait to leave. There were many kids coming up for Icies. Almost everyone wanted cherry. There were kids who would come up time after time wanting more Icies. I'm the type of person who likes to watch children smile and laugh and just be happy and they were all so happy with there Icies. I kept going back and forth and sometimes stay for awhile to rest my legs hoping Castro or Cris wouldn't see me and yell at me for doing a bad job. I looked around many times before I sat down one last time. People were leaving the park and maybe they would want Icies to go. I sat and no one came. I was so tired and so weak at that point I placed my head down onto the cart and watched as people packed their things to go.
"Ryan right?" I searched around to see who was talking to me and right there behind the tree Cris stood. Was she hiding too I thought? Perhaps I wasn't the only one who wasn't a big fan of this job.
"Yeah. I'm sorry I was tired and could barely feel my legs anymore," I tried to explain but all she really did was smile at me. She probably thinks I'm lying I thought. She watched as I got up and started walking back towards the snack bar.
"I'm Cris," she said while trying to catch up with me. "Your about 45 minutes late. We close at 5:00 and its 5:44," she smiled as I became angry with myself. What a waste. I was so tired and apparently a retard. Everyone probably left and I'm here suffering like an idiot. "Why didn't you come to eat? Do you not eat?" I watched her as she tried to talk to me without smiling. She wasn't the best looking girl, not your average Britney Spears or Beyoncé but she wasn't bad looking ether. She had bright brown eyes, and oval kind of chunky face, Brown curled up hair, huge eye lashes and short nails that were painted black. She was decent looking, not a model body but not fat. I've seen fat and she wasn't there. " I guess you don't talk ether do you?"
" I do, I'm sorry. I didn't know I got a break to eat and I thought the park closed at 8:00?"
"It does," she said. " But we leave at 5:00. There's no reason to stay past 5. No one buys anything. Would you like me to try and cook you up a burger or two?" She had a really nice smile and seemed to be friendly. You could tell she was a shy girl. She wouldn't make much eye contact and the few times she did she would smile and blush. I'm not that attractive so it can't be me who's making her blush. The other two guys are better looking and she never blushed when talking to them.
She helped me put the Icies that were left back in the fridge and counted my cups to see how many Icies I had sold. 250. I was pretty proud of myself and so was Castro. He shook my hand and kept calling me guy. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know how to pronounce my name, ether that or his memory fails him bad. As he counted to make sure my money was right and I wasn't missing anything Cris made her way to the kitchen to make me a hamburger. I'm very picky and not a big fan of fast food but after being all day in the sun and eating absolutely nothing, I would eat grass if I had too.
When Castro finished counting I made my way to the kitchen to pick up my burgers and there she was. She had finished them and had sat on top of the counter. She held her phone close to her face and seemed to be super into it. I figured it was some guy she liked or had a thing for. I unwrapped my hamburger as I stood a couple inches away from where she was sitting and devoured the burgers. I got myself a water bottle and went back to stand inches away from her. The whole time her face was planted on her phone.
"Boyfriend?" She heard me but didn't answer just smiled. She took a quick look at me and went back to staring at her phone. Whoever she was texting was keeping her entertained and I wasn't about to bother her to much.
She jumped off the counter and faced me as she said, "No. It's a friend. She's more like a sister but I'm sort of messing with her. Couple weeks ago I found out she dated this guy and when I asked her why she said she likes to feel needed. He's hideous, literally. She's the sister I never had and I'm worried, worried that she's going to end up screwing herself because she wants to feel needed. I invented some fake dude to see if she'll concentrate on him and stop running around placing her lips on everyone. She's not a hoe that's not what I'm saying at all, she just falls easy you can say. It's hard to explain. I'm just worried she deserves more than she gives herself credit for and I don't think she understands that."
I watched her face go from happy to disappointment real quick. She looked real worried. I felt bad. "So why don't you talk to her instead of pretending to be someone? It's going to mess her up. Talk to her. If she chooses not to listen then that's her problem, let her be a hoe," I explained. I hesitated as I spoke. How can I try to tell someone to talk to a person who goes around with everyone to feel needed when I was doing the same exact thing. I'm not afraid to say it ether. I was a hoe. Three, five different girls in one week just to feel good about myself? I was a disaster. When did I become this way? I was hurting everyone including myself but it felt right for some reason. I wanted to have people need and depend on me. Girls are so fragile everything you tell them they fall for and my charms made them weak on the knees.
"That's not the point, she's not a hoe. it's complicated to explain. I can't go up to her and tell her she's being a hoe because she's not and I can't be mean she trusts me enough to tell me these things and I can't ruin that." Her eyes became watery as she spoke. I stayed quiet. She cared so much about this girl. Maybe she was in love with her or something I thought. Maybe Cris was gay? "I'm not gay," she whispered. " I'm pretty sure I like her cousin," she giggled as she said cousin. "She's the only person I trust. I can honestly tell her everything and I know I wouldn't have to worry about it getting around. Everyone knows she tells me and trusts me. Her mom once told me to look after her because her daughter tells me things she won't tell anyone else and she knew that. She said I should be her role model," she laughed. "I can't be anyone's role model that's crazy talk. I barely have my life in control, but I will watch over her and try to get her to understand she doesn't need to be with just anyone to feel good. I'm not sure how but I will."
She talks a lot I thought. She was telling me her whole life story and she didn't even know me. I guess that's why she told me though. I wouldn't be able to tell anyone, I didn't know anyone in her town. She smiled at me and answered the text she had received one last time before walking out of the snack bar. I followed her out and Castro locked the door behind us.
"See you tomorrow," she whispered as she made her way into the car and drove off. I walked over to my car and drove home thinking about what she was doing. That's crazy. How can you pretend to be someone. I would have came out and said it, stop doing that. You look like a hoe. She was being nice. I would have called her a hoe.
The rest of the afternoon went by pretty fast and I soon fell asleep. I figured I wouldn't stay up to long I was exhausted and I knew the next day wasn't going to be easy ether. I woke up and went to work the next morning making sure I took a snack with me. Those hamburgers were good but greasy and I would not look good fat. Castro was happy to see me when I got there and Cris didn't seem to care. The whole day went by without her saying a word. Maybe she regretted telling me what was happening or maybe she just didn't like me. I went on with my day just doing my job and ended up making $120 that weekend. It wasn't much but it was enough to buy myself some new shoes.
***
The week had went by real fast and before I knew it, it was Saturday again. It was the same routine as always. I spent Monday and Tuesday with Jessica, Tuesday and Thursday with Elizabeth and Friday night, Alice. It had been a great week. Three hot girls and two morning blow jobs. Of course they had no idea they weren't the only one but I didn't really care, I just wanted to have fun.
I went to work Saturday feeling sick. I knew Castro noticed something was wrong but he didn't really say much about it nor did he stay at the snack bar with us. Like Cris had told us last week, he was staying at the lake a couple minutes away. That was a big relief because I found out that morning Cris wasn't his daughter. They weren't even related. Not that she told me though. I overheard her talking to the other two boys that morning. I did what I had too, pushing myself all day making sure I wouldn't break down and die. I knew I shouldn't have been pushing myself that much but I couldn't let that show. I was there for a reason and it was to forget about my problems. I went straight home after work and knocked out as soon as I finished showering.
Sunday I woke up a bit better. I didn't feel like going to work but I knew I had too. I put on my clothes, ate some crackers and went to work as usual. Once again Castro had left to go to the other lake and we were alone with Cris. I went on with my day as usual. I stopped to eat around 1:00 and went back to work right after I devoured my cereal bar. Everyone back at the snack bar seemed to be having a good time. I walked by a couple of times and every time I did they were laughing their heads off. That made me feel depressed in a way but I got over it as the rest of the day went by.
I stopped serving the last Icie twenty after five in order to complete 250 cups. I wanted Castro to be proud of me for some odd reason. They counted my cups as usual and paid me and told me to have a good week.
Instead of going home right after he paid me I decided to sit by the water and let the water run trough my toes. It felt amazing and was so relaxing. I would and could definitely fall asleep there in seconds if I let myself.
"Having fun?" I turned around slowly to look at her just to make sure it was her. It was Cris. Since she had talked to me about her friend last week she had barely said a word to me. I think she said hi yesterday that's about it. "Feels good doesn't it?"
"Yeah, it's soothing," I told her as I got up from the ground. We walked back to the front of the snack bar in silence. I followed her as she went to sit on top of the parks picnic table. I figured she had something to say because she kept trying to speak but nothing would really come out. Her phone kept ringing with notifications but she wasn't answering them. "She might think "he's" mad at her or something," I smiled as I teased her.
She smiled at me and said," I'm not going to do this anymore. You were right. I wish there was someone who would actually care for her and show her what it's really like but I just can't anymore." She read the text she had received but didn't reply. I had an urge to reach out and grab the phone from her hand so I did. I grabbed it and she watched as I did. I asked her for the password and she typed it in unlocking the phone. I answered the text as if I were this guy Cris had made up. Within a couple seconds she replied back. We texted each other for awhile and before leaving I asked for her number.
We texted each other that whole week, almost every minute of everyday. She was sweet and playful. It felt right talking to her. She would make me laugh and tell me about her problems and absolutely everything. That week I became her "father". We would laugh at each other's texts and before I could stop myself, I started becoming to attached to this girl. Viri was her name. She was young,12, and I was 16 but I told her I was older for some reason I can't remember. Everyday I would text her good morning beautiful and every night I would tell her to sleep with the angels. Talking to her felt right, the lying didn't but everything else did. The way she made me feel and how she made me forget everyone.
That week went by and so did Saturday and Sunday. Something I never did was text during work but for her I did. Cris didn't say much that weekend. She knew who I was texting but didn't bring it up. She just watched from far. Texting Viri had become part of my day everyday. I found myself couple days after going home alone. I didn't want to be with anyone I just wanted to go home shower and text her. I had never met her but I felt like I did. I felt like I had known her since forever. As days, weeks went by I found myself falling for this girl. No, I had fallen for this girl. For the first time in my life I had fallen in love and I knew that because she was everything and the only thing I wanted to be with. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and show her off to everyone. She became my best friend and after weeks she broke up with her boyfriend, who wasn't really her boyfriend according to his comments to other girls. I didn't know her, had never met her but I did it anyway. I asked her to be mine and she said yes.
As of October 27, 2011, my heart was completely stollen. There wasn't a minute in the day we weren't texting each other cute stuff and not a minute of the day I wasn't thinking about her. I was in love. I was whipped. I was completely head over heels for Mrs. Viridiana.