I Trusted you

Pain

We read romantic stories and wonder why nothing happens in our life like they do in books. Why don't we have happy endings? We try to live our lives based on stories. The truth is we want what they have. We read all about the character and all of a sudden get attached to them as if they were a real person. We become so in love with the idea of having someone like the characters from the stories that we try and search for someone exactly like that. There's only one problem with all our hopes and dreams of having that perfect relationship, people now a days, both male and females tend to break more promises than keep them. Why make promises if you can't keep them right?
I've made many promises in my life before and like every human being, I've broken many. I promised myself when I started dating Viri that I would never hurt her. I did and as much as it hurts to admit the truth I have. I hurt just as bad as she does when I know there's tears in her eyes. It's the most horrible aching pain in your heart when you truly love someone and you know that their in tears because you messed up.
Everything between me and Viri was perfect. Every relationship in the beginning is. It's all lovey dovey and for months it was. Her smile made me smile. Her laughter filled my heart with joy. Her cuteness made me want to kiss her. I'm sure we all have experienced the feeling of loving someone. Even if they don't love you back you have thoughts about you and them and how you want things to be between you too. You dream that everything will be perfect and you'll be the couple people will look up too. While your in love you hope to spend the rest of your life with them and have kids, you even plan how many kids and what their names will be. Our happened to be Lunamar and Caleb. I'm not sure how we came up with Caleb but Lunamar is a mixture of my moms name and her moms name. My moms name is Lundynee and her moms name is Martha so we put them together to make Lunamar. We took two pictures one of her and one of me and put them together to make two virtual babies. They were perfect. They were perfect because their mom is perfect.
Our life was going well together though we had never actually seen each other, our love for one another grew stronger everyday. In my eyes we were adorable. We would text every single minute of the day and never run out of things to say. Cris use to tell me all the time that she thought I was the girl in the relationship because every time I would talk to her bout Viri I would smile like an idiot. I knew she couldn't wait for me and Viri to meet because she wanted to see our reaction. She kept telling herself she would be there to see when we first met but little did she know that we wanted to meet each other on our own. We knew it would be awkward but we would break out of it just like the phone call.
The middle of spring had arrived and I was getting worse instead of getting better. I tried to keep myself from letting to much show because I knew she'd hurt every time I told her I wasn't okay. It was hard. No matter what story I tried to tell, she knew. She knew me better than I knew myself. She somehow managed to make it better so I told her when something hurt. I hesitated a lot when I told her things but I knew she wanted nothing more than to see me happy, she wanted to be the reason for my happiness. No matter how bad the pain was she always told me to keep my head up. I knew she was trying hard to keep me from too much pain so I kept trying to hide it so she would be happy.
It kept getting harder and harder for me to keep up with my pills. I hated doctors and I hated pills. I hated being sick. Being sick held me up from a lot. I wanted to go see Viri and I couldn't because I was scared. How could I go see her and put her in that much pain. If she saw me she'd want to see me again and I'd want to see her again. At some point we'd want to see each other almost everyday if not everyday. I couldn't put her through that pain. Yes it would be amazing we'd be happy and something real but what if being sick took my life away? All these thoughts ran through my head more often then usual. I wanted to get better for her. I wanted to be with her and I knew that until I did my best to become healthier, I wouldn't be able to see her. I wouldn't let myself no matter how much my heart ached I couldn't and wouldn't be happy with myself.
Sunday morning my phone rang and it was Viri telling me she had to go to church but she'd text me after. The struggle to get up that morning was so unreal. I got up throwing my phone back on the bed and grabbed my stomach in pain. I felt like I had eaten some bad sushi the night before. The pain was horrible. I sat down on the floor after the first three steps. I couldn't move. I felt like I was paralyzed. I tried to reach for my phone but it was too far. I struggled to get up but nothing I did helped. I cried as I tried to crawl to get to the door. I couldn't. I pulled the blanket hanging from the bed hoping my phone would fall with it. It fell right by my stomach. While holding my stomach with one hand I dialed my moms number with the other. When she answered all I could manage to say was mom. I cried and groaned like a baby. Within seconds my mom, dad and aunt came bursting through my door.
"Ryan!" I felt someone tapping me but I couldn't quite figure out who it was nor who was talking. Right then and there everything went black.
I woke up already at the hospital. My mom was standing right next to be. She kissed my forehead and told me everything was going to be okay. I could tell she was holding back tears so I tried not to stare at her and make her feel too uncomfortable. She grabbed my hand , squeezed it, and asked me if I was okay. I shook my head yes. It hurt a lot. I tried to lift up the blanket that was pressed against my body but I was to weak to even raise my hand. I turned my head to look at the window and closed my eyes.
"I'll let you get some rest," she said while making her way out the door. The moment she left I opened my eyes again searching for a clock. It was past 2:00. Viri was home and she must have messaged me. I tried to reach for the phone on the counter. I tried to reach until I couldn't bear the pain anymore. I wasn't able to get it so I tried to fall back asleep.
I fell asleep for awhile more. When I woke up I was in the hallway waiting to get X-rays. My cousin Eddie was with me. He watched me as I looked around. "What's up man?"
"Not much just chillen you know," I said sarcastically. He smiled. "My phone?"
He smiled as he said "Chill out your babe is fine." I smiled back as I grabbed the phone from his hand. Somehow the pain had eased and I almost felt no pain at all. I messaged Viri and quickly she replied asking if I was okay. I told her I was feeling better. I wondered if she was okay too. I knew it hurt her not knowing what was going on because it hurt me when she wasn't okay. She seemed to be relieved. I texted her until they took me in and after I was done I texted her again. We talked until the nurses came in my room to put me to sleep and check some things. I told her I would text her the next day as soon as I got up and said goodnight. The medication almost instantly put me to sleep.
Three days had passed by before I was able to go back home. I was feeling better and they had given me pills for the pain. I almost felt good as knew. I was ready to go back to my regular schedule. As much as it killed me inside, my mom decided I had to be homeschooled. My parents had set everything up before my arrival home. I would be staying home and four hours of the day I would have to sit and listen to some lady named Mrs. Johnson. She taught me math first and then history and english. Every thing else she would divide. A little each day she kept telling me. She was a sweet old lady. I liked her. She was a good teacher and I could tell she loved her job. I respected her for that because not many teachers really care about their job or actually teach you anything. It was rare to find someone who was interested in teaching so I gave her my full attention four hours every week day.
I spent my mornings, 8:00 to 12:00, being homeschooled. The rest of the day I'd spend texting Viri. I don't know how we found so many things to talk about but we did. We sometimes had the weirdest and stupidest conversations but we enjoyed them. Without knowing, she was taking care of me. My pills made me feel different at every point of the day. At one point I was jumping around the house and the other I was crying depressed because my life sucked. I kept telling her how horrible my life was and up until today I still think I have the worst life and luck ever. I honestly think I'm cursed.
Spring break had arrived and I spent the whole week home. My mom had given me a list of chores to do that week and I did absolutely nothing. I had forgotten. I just wanted to lay and bed and text her. I wanted to have some me time on my break not do chores. Chores would take to much of my precious time.
That Friday afternoon when she arrived home and noticed I had done absolutely nothing she almost killed me. I never saw her so mad, she was furious. She said I was a horrible child and brought things from the past into our present conversation. I watched her yell at me and occasionally answered Viri's texts when she would turn around. I tried to be very carful while doing so but on the forth text she turned around the moment I went to press send.
"Are you even listening to what I'm saying? I asked five things of you and you didn't do any of it! Are you kidding me? You stayed home all day! What on earth did you do all day," she screamed. She turned red and I got scared. My phone vibrated and I urged to look. She watched to see what I was going to do. I stared back at her. "Who are you texting?" I kept staring. "Ryan! I am talking to you! Give me your phone!" I felt the urge to run. If she took my phone she would see who I was texting and she would be mad if she found out. She grabbed my hand and snatched the phone away. "Who is this?" I stared at my phone. I hadn't told my parents about Viri because I know they would think I was crazy and not approve. They never approved anyone I choose to date. the only girls they ever approved was the girls they tried to set me up with. Every girl I'd bring home to meet them, they would find someway to make them leave me. I wasn't about to let Viri be another one of their play toys. I loved her more than ever and I'd defend her no matter how wrong she was.
My mom kept asking me who she was and what did we talk so much about. I tried to tell her it was a friend and that it was school stuff. She called me a liar and kept screaming at me. I had awaken the beast within. I wasn't going to tell her about Viri, I couldn't.
When I was around 5 years old my grandpa died, my moms dad. He owned a couples of horses, a farm where he ran an open field for people to go horseback riding and a small wine company. Grandpa was full of money. The whole family was but not as much as him. When he died he divided the things he owned between my mom and her four siblings. My mom got stuck with the farm. She eventually stopped teaching and occasionally helped at the board of education but she mainly stayed at the farm and took care of everything there. At the time my parents were divorced. Her boyfriend and his daughter were living with us. My dad claims that he missed her too much ch and couldn't stand to be away from her so he got his stuff together, went back to school and became an engineer. He was soon able to put a small business together and soon my mom became his again. I liked my stepfather but I wanted my parents to be together.
As I grew up my mom always taught me that I shouldn't settle for just any girl. She said the girl would have to be smart, pretty, cared about me and had money. I knew what she meant by all that. She meant I had to date someone who had money like me. I never really mined because the girls in my region were all pretty wealthy. I knew if I stayed within my community I would eventually end up with someone who was wealthy and that would make my mom proud. Of course I never planned Viri to walk into my life.
My mom soon found out about Viri and she hated me for it. She wanted me to ends things no matter how much it hurt. She told me I was a disgrace to my family. I tried to keep things away from her but she always seemed to be on step ahead of me. Viri knew she wasn't my parents biggest fan and some of my family members weren't her biggest fan ether but I did have cousins who thought she was pretty awesome. When they would see me text her and smile my butt off they would awe me. I liked the feeling of having someone understand that my love for her was real. They were my right hand when I was sick and in pain, and when me no Viri use to argue. We had many arguments but then again what couple doesn't? Even though we would argue and cry, there wasn't a moment where I ever stopped loving her. She was a mess but she was my mess. My own brand of heroine.
All I knew was that my parents weren't going to be able to break us because she wasn't just another girl in my life. She was the girl of my life. It took them months to understand what she meant to me and until then we had many arguments. There was this one time I was in the kitchen and my mom was baking a cake. She was mad and decided she would take it out on me. She yelled at me and of course brought Viri into the conversation like she always did. I had woken up at n the wrong side of the bed that morning and was not in the mood for her bullshit. She saw how mad at I was but continued on being annoying anyway. She then thought it was necessary to say things that weren't true just to get to me. She kept saying didn't love, that she was only after my money and that I was a joke for believing all the lies. She called me stupid and told me I would end up getting hurt because there was no way a girl like Viri would stay with a guy that wouldn't go be with her in person. She basically called her a hoe. If there's one thing that pisses me off more than anything in this world, it's when someone starts talking crap, telling lies in order to get what they want. At that moment I hated my mom. I fought back telling her she was wrong. With time things got worse so I let her speak alone. My family had arrived at some point within the argument and they were all just staring. I picked my phone up from the counter as she kept yelling. My phone rang and it was Viri. I read what she wrote and went to answer when my mom flew on me. She threw my phone across the kitchen and got right in my face and told me to grow up and end things with Viri. I told her I wouldn't and nothing no she said could ever change what I felt for her. She turned red and tried to smack me. I grabbed her arm as she raised it to hit me and said, "Don't you ever talk about her like that! The only hoe I know is you. You're the one who cheated on my father and then went around saying that he had cheated on you. You think I didn't notice that Mark wasn't coming here to fix the bathroom? You mom, you're a hoe. Stay out of my life and leave me alone. I date who I want. Nothing you can say will ever change what I feel for her." She hated me. At that very moment I'm sure she wished I wasn't her kid. I humiliated her I front of the family and I would soon pay for it. I loved my mom but I couldn't take hearing things about Viri and staying quiet. I hated her for making me feel this way. She grabbed the wooden spoon behind her to hit me as I walked away. I saw something fly at me so my reaction was to stop it and that caused me to end up hurting her. I didn't mean to raise my hand to my mom and it stung like crazy. It was the worst pain I ever felt. Her eyes filled up with tears and I ran off to my room. I stayed locked up in my room hoping my dad wouldn't come home till real late. He arrived around 6:00 and he beat me up. He hit me with his belt and told me I was a mistake. He talked on and on about me being the family joke and I cried not because of the pain but because I had disrespected and hurt the women who, besides Viri, meant the world to me. That night I cried. I cried more than my eyes could handle. It was the worst week of my life but I knew right then, when I raised my hand to my mom, that Viri had taken my heart completely and that for her I would jump in front of a thousand bullets. For her if give my life no matter how many silly arguments we had. I was crazy for this girl.