Lucy Schraan is Gay

chapter three

playlist of the right-now: an imaginary crowd is cheering your name but it's sarcastic

The stage is stuffy and hot, and even as I breathe in the musty air of the tape-marked apron, where my legs dangle off the edge, it doesn't exactly feel like breathing. Normally, I would take this as the sign of an oncoming panic attack. Most honor roll kids with high GPAs know the anxiety drill. This being my junior year, the anxiety has turned into this tiny little panic bird, like Robert Phillips wrote about. Onstage, though, it's not anxiety. That's just the auditorium's aura.

I'm already miced up. The semester-switch musical is always a small cast, so pretty much everyone gets a mic. I have cheap Coban wrap around my torso—it's like tape that only sticks to itself. We stick my mic pack in it and thread it up through my costume to behind my ear. Moira's fingers were icy-cold as she helped to wrap me up and stick my pack in its proper place today, which would have made me laugh if Lia hadn't been there, receiving her own help from Xenia.

Lia LaFollette. Of course she's on the list. She's one of those unbelievably together people. Like, she popped into existence virtually perfect. Like Ash, she's gorgeous (although in an arguably different sense) and the best at what she does. She's tall, far taller than I am, and she always wears shoes that look straight off a Bratz doll or something. She's a stunning could-be-model with a hooked nose and warm, honey eyes, and I swear, if she ran me over with a bus, I would thank her.

We talked a lot in Mary Poppins last year, and she wasn't dismissive during Newsies this fall, but I never know what to say to her. She tends to steer our sparing conversations, and I'm fine with it.

"Everybody onstage for mic checks," comes Xenia's voice from the tech booth. It's monotone, plenty of grit and bored vocal fry.

Bo, our Snoopy, bounds down the aisles and launches himself onto the stage. He used to be a basketball kid but transferred here his sophomore year for the classes and to put his 6'6 frame to use as whatever miscellaneous role we can shove him into. He is intimidating to stand next to, but it's fine. It's even funnier seeing him and Izzy together for their scenes as Snoopy and Sally, like where they chase rabbits. He's a foot and a half taller than her. It's hilarious.

The cast members present make their way out of the wings and to front and center. Charlie, Seth Omundson, goes first, reciting some of his lines and singing. Lia follows, launching into her Lucy voice with: "So my girlfriend dumped me last night."

Everyone knows that Lia is bi. She's really open about it, and it's impossible to hate her, so she doesn't receive much kickback. But like, oof.

"Which is fine," Lia continues. "She decided we weren't working out, which I super respect. She's already dating her best friend now, but honestly, get it, girl. Hit dat. I no longer have a prom date, but really? It's fine. Imma look like a snack. I don't want to steal a date's spotlight. So like, prrrobably better this—"

"Sing," says Moira through the speakers.

"Right, cool," Lia says, and she turns to give me a slight eye roll, like she and I are conspirators. Moira is my friend, and I know the two don't love each other, but the glance still makes me flush. I would be a conspirator with Lia any day.

"You know something, Schroeder?" she sings to me, taking a step in my direction. She does so well at carrying her character voice into vocals. "I think the way you play the piano is nice."

Her voice echoes in the speakers for a second. I sit, frozen. Should I pantomime playing piano? Do I join in the acting? I don't know what to do, so I just smile.

"D'you know something else? It's always been my dream that I'd marry a man who plays the piano." They keep adjusting her mic. She and Izzy always take the longest, because with their lungs, they're loud as anything. She takes another heartstopping step forward. "At parties he'd play something nice like April Showers. I'm sure you could—"