Seeing Margo Jane

Chapter 4

AU: Hi i'm sorry it's been so long, life it tough, but here's a long chapter. I hope you enjoy🥰
If you could vote and comment that would be super awesome❤️

"So Margo, it's been a while let's start off with something easy, yeah?" Amanda looks up from her lined and thick notebook that's lying nicely in a manila folder.

That's the place therapists keep all of our secrets. It's true. They write stuff about you and keep it in there for future reference.

It's like a written account and explanation for your trauma.

But you don't get to see it, like it's just their take of what you say.

Which is honestly so weird. I wanna read it though. Not mine of course I have to live it. I don't want to read it back to myself.

But like I wonder what she writes about other people ya know.

"Margo?" She asks and I look up from my lap where I have my legs tightly together, my feet flat on the floor, and I stop rubbing my hands together.

"Oh yeah right, something easy, hit me with it." I look up and smile apologetically.

She looks up from her notes where she just wrote something down, "So tell me what brought you back today."

"I was blackmailed by my brother." I mean it's an accurate statement. I'm just uncomfortable and trying to diffuse the tension.

"Okay," she scribbles some things down, "Lets go over why it took you so long to come back."

"You really want me to do that?" I ask.

"Margo it's only going to help if we talk through this."

"Uh okay so me flaking on you for how long was it? Like a month maybe? Was because I wanted to avoid my problems I guess." I shrug my shoulders.

"Well you sound aware of the reasoning for your actions. Why don't you talk through as to why coming back to see me was not an option after our previous session."

I take a deep breath.

"It's not that I don't like you or anything, I mean you're really great and helpful. But I don't want help, I should be able to handle things on my own like I've done, we've gone over this though. Coming back and having to talk feels like I lost a battle against myself."

Huh. I am kind of surprised at myself for saying all of that. I mean I spoke very quickly just to kind of get it over with but at least words left my mouth right?

I honestly feel defeated though, we have gone over this multiple times before.

"I know having to explain these feelings seems redundant, but re-familiarizing yourself with these emotions can help us work through them. It will also help us figure out what is going to get you to come back and to express your feelings more openly than in our previous sessions."

"Yeah I guess so" I say with a shrug.

"So Margo, you said your brother got you to come back in today? This is Oliver correct?"

"Mhmm, he confronted me last week about...some stuff that he had noticed about my changing mood and I guess that's what got me to come back. I mean I didn't really have a choice, he dropped me off here." I gesture around the neutral toned room and silently begging not to make eye contact with her. I'm a bad liar, it's in the eyes for me. It is not like I fully lied either I just did not disclose all the details.

Shit that's kind of bad.

She's writing something else down now.

"Margo can you explain to me some of the signs your brother noticed that provoked him to talk to you, and to get you back here." She lifts her head up to look at me from the folder as finishes her sentence.