Can You Live With Something New? (English Version)

Christmas Eve

Ten years later (Christmas Eve 2020)

Everything happens for a reason.

Lilli told me that in those days and at first I didn't believe it. 

As well as in Rachels words. 

God had another plan for you. 

Ten years ago I couldn't imagine having a normal family again with which I would be on christmas Eve.

I couldn't imagine having a family that supports me.

After all that happend I still had a happy, healthy family. 

The memory of my old family still hurts with every breath I take but I arrived on the last stadium: acceptance.

I had to accept that nothing would be like it was many years ago. I had accepted and lived a life that still puts rocks in my way but together with my new family I could get them out.

Meanwhile I was married and had a dauther named Emily. Peter, my husband, was a schoolmate of Lilli and me and after that  tragedy he started to keep an eye on me.  We build a little circle of friends and I was lucky that it went out like that.  The bullying stopped imidiatley but I had to suffer from all those sad, pitying glimpses of the students and the teachers. And that made the daily routine difficult to overcome.

But I accomplished it.

I didn't give up.

Today was christmas Eve and exactly ten years ago I lost my family and gained a new one.

Rachel, Alec and Lilli visited us often. I was working as a primery school teacher but also worked as a volounteer and helped other people in those hard times. I could relate to their problems 'cause many years ago I was in the same situation and didn't know how to deal with it by myself.

Emily was sitting on my lap meanwhile Alec tried to give her a spoon full of mush. Lilli, Rachel and Peter were in the kitchen to set the table festive, so we could finally eat as well. Lost in thoughts I fondle over the curlys of my little love. 

I had such a great fortune.

The people that surounded me now meant everything to me.

I knew that if I lost somebody of them as well, my heart would breake along, but I also knew that nobody was deathless.

The end comes for everyone and until then I would enjoy every moment that was given to me with my loved ones. I knew that I would go through everything with them by my side. 

My life taught me better: Do not lose your joy and optimism.

Accept the loss and be happy that you are lucky enough to go on living and then, when the time comes, tell your loved ones what life was like. And in order to be able to do this you have to start making the best of what you have or what you don't have.

I couldn't wait to see my old family again. But until then I have made up my mind to take as much from life as possible. So that my little sister could also benefit from it. Apropos my little sister. 

My Emy looked so similar to her.

 Whenever I looked at her I felt like I had my little sister in front of me. 

Maybe it was like that. 

Perhaps rightnow my family was looking down on me and guarding like a personal guardian angel. 

"You cannot create a new future if you hold onto the emotions of the past."

This was what my therapist told me and I followed her advice. 

This year has shown not only to me but to all of us that we lived in special times. It was a difficult year, like for me at the end of 2010, but still not a bad life. 

We spend our time with our loved ones as best as we could and that's what matters. 

Live your life and enjoy every moment you have on this earth.