Our Struggle

C is for Can't

"Miss Gates." 

"Can you hear me, dear?"

I groaned lightly as I blinked slowly, a huge white light blinding me.

"Ah, Miss Gates," the same soft, feminine voice continued, "it's good to see you awake, dear."

I shuffled slowly, propping myself up as I felt a small tug on my wrist. A few wires were connected to my arms. My whole body ached as if a thousand hands were squeezing it.  

"Careful. Don't make any sudden movements. You fainted a few hours ago." The nurse warned, as she turned from the computer screen to face me. Her warm brown eyes met mine with a kind gaze. I shuffled against the pillow, pushing a lost strand of hair away from my mouth.

I felt as shitty as I looked.

"My name is Sandra. I'm the nurse looking after you, during your stay, dear." Her lips pulled into a gentle smile as her eyes remained focused on mine. "How are you feeling?"

"I," I tugged at the hospital gown (a piece of clothing that should be burned given its ugliness), "I can't remember what happened."

"You fainted in the shopping mall a few hours ago. Your friend brought you in, since you weren't waking up." She answered patiently, her brown hair tied into a secure bun. A few silvery strands glinted in the evening light.

"I've never fainted before," I winced at the pain emitting from the right arm as my eyes widened.

"You fell on your right arm, dear." Sandra pointed out reassuringly. "Lots of people faint." She added, "we ran a few tests just to make sure you are ok. The doctor would usually be here to discuss this with you but we've been swept off our feet lately. So you're stuck with me," she chuckled to herself, "is that ok, dear?"

I nodded, "is everything ok?"

"Yes, though we are concerned about your iron levels. They're pretty low." Her eyes traced over my face, as she carefully asked, "how's your diet? Do you manage to eat your greens?"

I sucked my bottom lip in - what diet? Sure, I missed the odd few meals here and there, but who doesn't? This week had been particularly bad, Noah and I had had fight after fight. My father had also, conveniently, removed me from his will. Then he decided to get murdered.

"Sometimes I lose track of meal time," I offered as a substitute explanation instead, I don't think it's particularly wise to explain the inner workings of my life, especially given the nature of my father's and boyfriend's work. "I guess I eat some greens every once in a while." I mumbled more quietly.

She glanced at me for a little longer than I'd have liked, not looking very convinced at all. "Ok." She finally answered.

"I'll do better. I'll make more time." Given that my father has just died, I think I'm allowed to be off my food.

"That would be good, dear. Though, the doctor recommended an iron transfusion given your levels are so low. Is that ok?"

"That's fine." I've been anaemic my whole life, though the thought of more needles made me shudder.

Sandra rapidly typed a few sentences into her screen, "we'll keep you in for a few hours. Sometimes, very low iron levels can cause heart problems, which may explain why you fainted."

I nodded, listening to about fifty percent of the words she was saying - health advice always seemed to go over my head. Images of this morning threatened to reappear as I stifled a yawn.

"Ari!" Harper squealed as she entered through the door, carrying two Belgium chocolate frostinos , "you won't believe what they have in the vending machi—." Her eyes widened as she saw the nurse, a pale red colour grew on her face, "I am so, so sorry."