Looking at the stars

Emily

It was the worst thing that I'd ever done

It was a head shot, you know, you gave me the gun

Light flooded our small room, my brain felt like it was going to explode. I scrunched my eyes before opening them again, looking around Riot wan't here. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and rolled back over. I was halfway back to sleep when I sat up with a jolt. Memories from the night prior flooded back.

Some memories were clear and detailed while some felt sped up, slowed down, or were missing entirely. I remember everything from the moment I had entered the bar with Riot, all the way until my second drink with Party. After that the memories seem to be all over the place. 

I can't believe he apologized, not only that but he wasn't a complete dick. I made a move to stretch, the healing burns reminded me of the events prior to the bar. I inhaled sharply as I moved my arms back to a rested position. The bandages were sticking to the dried wounds, when I stretched the fabric unstuck painfully. They seemed looser than yesterday, and my arms felt sore. It felt as if I had been training with Riot for hours. The muscles were tired and as if they were pleading me to return to bed. 

I plopped back down onto my mattress and laid an arm over my tired eyes. I always regret drinking but somehow I always think it's a great idea. My breathing went back to a steady pace as I recounted what I could. I remember the laughter, I remember his genuine smile as I told him about some story of Riot and I getting banned from Walmart as kids. 

As much as I hate to admit it, when he smiled at me my heart fluttered. I've always found him attractive, but when we're both drunk and no longer on edge, he's tolerable to be around, more than that. I actually enjoyed talking with him. He seemed like a whole new person. If he was like this all the time, I'd be in trouble. I took a deep breath and let it out. Dramatic sure, but that's what you need sometimes. 

I heard the door open and close again, Riot was back. Which, now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think I saw her again last night after Party showed up. Knowing her she probably bought a drink and watched it unfold. Also knowing her she probably didn't get drunk enough to forget. This leads me to the conclusion that she could fill me in.

Once again I sat up, I grabbed my shoes, grabbed a hair tie and went out to greet her. 

Our base was a bar in it's past life. When we got here It was relatively untouched. You could tell that it's previous occupant took the good shit and left. They left a lot of booze here, most of which we sold off so we could afford to survive out here. We made our home in the back, it looked like it used to a break room, there was a card table, some chairs, and a few personal belongings that had been left behind. 

I trudged from our room to the kitchen, rubbing my eyes as I went. I could hear Riot talking but didn't hear anyone else there. As I rounded the corner into the main room of the bar I saw Riot, she had her radio in hand and was talking about the diner. She said something about my bandages, but she was a little too excited for that to be all this was about. "Riot," I started, walking closer, "do we have any of those water bottles left?" She looked like she was caught doing something, "I've just got this nasty hangover." 

"Ya," She said softly, "just a sec and I'll grab you one." She put the radio up to her mouth, "We'll be at the diner in two shakes." The other person on the line said something I couldn't quite make out, "Ya sounds good, see you soon." another pause, "Bye." She set the radio in her back pocket.

"What was that all about?" I looked at her, trying to decipher her features. 

"Oh it was Jet, he's gonna replace your bandages." I nodded, I felt bad, I felt like I was jumping to conclusions and I was suspicious for nothing.

"ah." I nodded, regret creeped up, I shouldn't have questioned her. 

"You look like shit."

"Feel like it too." She laughed a bit. The air was heavy and awkward. 

"You and Party got along pretty well last night." Her tone was hinting at something.

"Ya if only he wasn't a dick when he was sober." I scoffed.

"I don't know Babe, he seemed pretty remorseful about being, as you say, a dick."

"He was drunk, I was drunk. It's not like we suddenly get along now."

"All I'm saying is maybe if you gave him a chance to be nice he could be." 

"Look I don't remember a whole lot, but I do remember his apology and, as much as I appreciate it, he probably wasn't even sincere." I thought back to his hazel eyes and his warm smile, I so desperately wanted to convince myself it was a mask he put on to convince me he was kind. My head hurt too much to be thinking.

"You don't remember last nigh?" She seemed a bit confused.

"After like the third drink with Party it's pretty much blank." 

"Huh..." She looked to be working something out in her head. She looked like she putting things together.

"Why? did something happen?"  She smiled.

"Nothing much." I went to ask what she meant by that but she began again before I had a chance to question her. "Anyways, not important. Let's go get those bandages changed."

She got in the drivers seat, it always stung my pride a little bit to be the passenger. Besides I don't love when other people drive my car. It had been my grandmas before the wars, her pride and joy. It was a 1972 Ford Mustang in baby blue. It had chipping acrylic paint on the hood that once looked like the spider, but now was almost unrecognizable.

I was very protective over this car. Not just because of it's previous owner, but because we called it home for the first few days in the zones. I looked over to Riot who kept her eyes on the road, too eager to reach our destination. I turned up the music a bit while we sat in silence. I sipped my water and contemplated my memories and lack there of. 

As we reached the diner I could see Jet standing outside to greet us. I looked at Riot as we got out of the car, she practically ran to Jet, I had a suspicion that that's who she was with last night. "Hey Jet." He waved back.

"Hows the hangover?"

"I've had worse."

"Party's still asleep, so if you wanted to see him it might be a while." I looked at him like he spoke a foreign language.

"Why'd I wanna see him? So he can try and tell me how to move a barrel?" I know it was a bit dramatic, but just because Party and I got along last night while under the influence, doesn't mean anythings changed.

"Never mind then." He paused and looked at Riot briefly. "Let's get you fixed up."

He and Riot walked just ahead of me. I lagged behind a little so they had a chance to catch up. I feel like something happened last night, I also feel like I'm the only one who doesn't know what it was.