Earth Is Mine

Chapter 18

Lucian and I jump into the water together and the resounding splash earns us a bunch of screams from the children Spicans. They move away from us but Lucian appears to enjoy disturbing them. 

He splashes some water on the leader and this results in an all out water war with me trapped on the losing side. 

Water hits my face repeatedly as I splash at no where in particular and Lucian's laughter along with the kids fills the air. My chest fills with warmth and I feel full, not full from food but just content like someone just injected me with the life and love I've lost over the past few weeks. 

"Lucian, we are losing!" I cry out to the grown up Plutonian child next to me and pull him away with much difficulty. The kids roar in victory while we find a safe space to catch our breath. 

"You know I let them win, right?" Lucian wipes his face and I roll my eyes. Sure he did.

We both burst out laughing and I wish I could freeze this moment and stay here forever. The worst part is knowing that tomorrow will come and the reality that comes with it. 

We are in the middle of a war and right now Lazarus is winning.  

I don't want to think about it but the thoughts seep into my veins against my will like small rivulets of poison. Rosie, Cassandra, Jade, Josephine, Ron. They lost their lives just for us to go to Earth only to discover that we are already too late. 

I failed them and here I am enjoying myself. My entire being suddenly fills with guilt as I think about all the deaths that have followed in my trail. 

Do I even deserve to feel this happy?

"What's on your mind?" Lucian asks and I turn to see him leaning his head against a large rock. Water laps around our waists and I look down as I swing my arms back and forth, creating small ripples between us.

"I don't know. I feel guilty for having this much fun," I say in a small voice and he swims closer. 

"Why?" 

"You know, after everything that's happened," I trail off as my voice tethers dangerously close to cracking. 

I look up to see Lucian's eyes light up in understanding and I know he can already tell what I am thinking. He draws closer until our chests are almost touching and his face drowns out everything else.

The sound of water crashing against the rocks, children Spicans screaming at each other as they play and the leaves rustling in the wind. Everything tunes out into a blur as only Lucian comes into focus.

"It's not your fault," He says seriously and I wish I could believe him. 

I look down, unable to meet the sincerity in his gaze but he cups my chin gently and tilts my head up. 

"It's not your fault," He repeats and images of the destroyed rebel base flit through my mind. "You are a good person, Aria. You taught me that, remember?" 

His gaze bores into mine and memories of the Western border, of my conversation with Lucian, his nightmares and his guilt come rushing back to me. It was the first night he stopped having his night terrors. 

When I told him that he was a good person and meant it.

"I can't stop thinking about them," I whisper. 

"It would be abnormal if you didn't think about them. This is empathy, this is what makes you a good person," Lucian reinforces, his gaze is cautious and I remember him comforting me about Michael after I blamed myself for his death. 

I remember Lucian sitting at my feet, trying to make me feel better after Cassandra died. The earnest look in his eyes when he saw how broken I was.