Daylight

8

***Ri's POV***

Instant panic flooded my veins as I processed what RM had said, I held deathly still trying not to let the inner turmoil effect those around me.

"Wait- did you...did you answer it?" I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut in hopes of blocking him from seeing my absolute terror.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that."

My breath came quicker as hyperventilating became a threatening possibility.

"Hey, hey, calm down, shhhh, please calm down," Namjoon tried to sooth me. He grabbed my hand and held it firmly, anchoring me to him. He probably only did it because he didn't want me to wake the others, but I was grateful nonetheless. 

Well, that explains why he was so tense, I thought, laughing bitterly in my mind. 

"So. You know?" I focused on controlling my breathing. It's not like it's some huge secret, I guess. What does it matter if he knows? My gaze stared vacantly at the cover bunched up beneath my feet. Looking at my feet had always been the most comforting, because it had always been the safest option.

"...yeah. Do you have....is there anyone to go back to...?" Namjoon hated to ask the question, but a proposition had been forming in his mind over the past couple of hours and he needed to know....

A few silent tears threatened to escape as I shook my head no. 

My GOD how much of a burden can one person be!? You're such a fucking problem You don't deserve to breathe, much less have the freaking leader of BTS be concerned over you. My mind was ruthless, going in a complete opposite direction from Namjoon's. Which could be why his next words shocked me..

"I was wondering," Namjoon started, squeezing my shaking hand reassuringly. "I was wondering if you might want to stay with us for a while? I'd have to run it by the guys first, but would you think about it?"

"I couldn't..." My voice broke as my chest felt like it was being torn open. How much more of a burden can one fucking person be? That's it. It must be around 3 am, I would wait until Namjoon fell asleep and sneak out and finally rid the world of my pathetic-

"What's stopping you?" Namjoon interrupted the forming of my new plan.

"I wouldn't- I couldn't..." I didn't know where to start. "I'd just be in the way. The last thing I want to do is impose more than I already have in the lives of those who have saved mine countless times..." My tears came then, I couldn't hold them back. I locked my body into place as I cried silently. Years of practice paid off when J-Hope beside me didn't even stir.

"Let's just do this again, then. Just this once," Namjoon coaxed me into agreeing. He moved his arm so that it encompassed my shoulders, making smoothing circles that helped me relax, and kind of pulling me into him. My brain was too frazzled to even notice how close we actually were.

"Like I said, I'd have to talk to the boys, of course, but we're all adults. But if you couldn't stay here, several of us have separate apartments you could stay at for the time being... I just want to help you..." Namjoon's sweet words made my breath hitch as I fought for control. 

He continued to rub my shoulder, soothing me. The repetition gave me something to focus on while trying to quiet the raging storm inside of me. 

Namjoon didn't know why he was so desperate, but he had seen a spark of life in Ri's eyes  tonight, and he knew in his heart that it wasn't her time yet. He wasn't going to let it be her time if he could help it. 

He kissed the top of my head softly and whispered, "Please say yes."

My controlled breathing stopped all together at once. Who the fuck am I to tell him no? They've all tried so hard to make me comfortable, it would be disrespectful to commit at this point, I told myself. It was strange, having someone care if you lived.

"Yes," I whispered hoarsely.

"Can I...can we stay like this for a while longer...? It's... nice." I asked shyly, little did I know that he had no intention of moving at all.

It feels so good to be held. It made me feel...almost human. Almost immediately my brain tried to sabotage the moment asking me, Why would Namjoon want to hold you? You're a fat, ugly, worthles-

"I'd like that." Namjoon cut off my hateful thoughts as he pulled me closer to him. 

Eventually, my eyelids drooped and my head ended up falling into the nook above RM's collarbone. I fell asleep breathing in the clean scent of his cologne as he smoothed my hair.