Chancing Fate - Jack Sparrow x OC

Interlude

Caroline Palmer's Journal

May XX, 1728

I must admit, I never imagined myself feeling the need to keep a diary, yet I need to get my thoughts out somewhere. My name is Caroline Palmer, though it is a name I have rarely used in the last month. Since abandoning my life at Port Royal, I rarely hear anything aside from Lena. A strange turn when I consider how few called me that only a month ago.

In April, I was swept up in an adventure alongside Captain Jack Sparrow and William Turner in order to save my friend Elizabeth Swann. It seems my adventure did not end there. Perhaps my decision was not thought out thoroughly, but within a fortnight, I was aboard the Black Pearl, sailing under Jack as part of his crew.

I could never have imagined what this freedom truly feels like. The ability to go anywhere, do anything, and not be limited by society's expectations. It is a wild thing. With little need for dresses, I am always in breeches and a jacket, sword tied to my waist, and a pistol, just in case. If the people of Port Royal could see me know, they would die of shock.

And here I am, avoiding the topic that troubles my mind. Jack Sparrow. I jumped in too quickly, blinded by the excitement and not seeing what I was getting myself into. It's hard to resist his charm when he knows exactly how to give attention, making you feel as if you are the only one in the world at that moment. But the problem is that I'm not. When out at sea, it was easy to forget about the ladies I first met while we were at Tortuga, but it's another matter when we make port.

It is part of his nature and I shouldn't have expected it to suddenly end. I was naïve to think he would make an attempt at having a relationship with only me.

July XX, 1728

I can say for the first time since coming aboard the Black Pearl that I have successfully assisted with all aspects of the ship! Aside from steering that is. Throughout these past months, Anamaria has been by my side, helping me learn the ropes, quite literally, as I learned how to adjust everything on the ship. Whether it is docking, leaving, changing course, or even managing in a storm, I officially know what needs done without someone pointing me in the right direction.

This feeling of self-sufficiency is an amazing feeling. I always considered myself independent, but never to this extent. It's made me a true part of the crew, which is a true miracle. Upon first joining, I had simply been there as an extension of Jack. Looking pretty and utterly useless. Of course, things had to change once I began putting distance between Jack and myself.

It was the best call I could make, even if it still hurts at times. I fear my feelings for him will not fade with time. Every time I see him or have the chance to speak to him, I'm reminded why I enjoyed his company so much. There is little I can do without simply leaving the crew, and that is something I don't have the courage to do.

October XX, 1728

The past several days have been utterly exhausting and I feel as if I will never be dry again. We've spent ages trying to outrun the Royal Navy as they followed us everywhere. It seems Norrington will not give up on catching Jack and taking out the Pearl. Luck finally was on our side, in a way. By some miracle, we are still standing and there are no navy vessels in sight.

A hurricane had been raging on us off the coast of Tripoli, wreaking havoc on the ship as we fought against the storm. Jack managed to pull us through it though, impressive as always when showing his skill as a captain. With that behind us, I look forward to not moving for the next week. A nice day at any port would work, just one day on solid land.

December XX, 1728

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I am overwhelmed with emotions for my friends. Taking a chance, I had sent a letter to Elizabeth last month, letting her know that I was alright, though I wouldn't want to risk sending her more. No doubt I am considered a pirate with a warrant out for my arrest. Speaking to me would do her little good. On a chance of luck, however, she managed to get a letter back to me without it getting lost in Tortuga.

I am beyond thrilled that she and Will are getting married, though I always imagined I would be present for such an occasion. I am glad her relationship has worked out, getting to be with Will instead of Norrington. That also explains why Norrington had been chasing us across the entire sea nearly non-stop since we first parted ways.

I must confess I am jealous though. Jealous of a relationship I doubt I will ever see. If there was a way to remove Jack from my mind, I would take it in an instant.

That is not the only thing that has come up though. Anamaria has parted ways with the crew, leaving a large hole in the crew that cannot be filled. As my only confidant on the ship, I can only hope my sanity survives without her. Often times, she was my voice of reason. It was for the best though and I can't fault her for taking her own path.

Worst of all though... When she asked if I would like to join her, as tempted as I was, I still couldn't part with Jack. What does that say about me?

January XX, 1729

Things went terribly wrong last night. I don't know everything that happened, some areas are a big blur, but I'm sure I need to turn back time. Rum is a terrible thing. A terrible, wonderful thing I am beginning to spend too much time with. I might just become like Jack if I keep this up.

I couldn't help it though, with this trip to port. Something just snapped, between seeing Jack walking off, knowing exactly where he would be, and the fact that I had no one to share those thoughts with. It was eating away at me. Of course, going to the tavern with some of the crew probably wasn't the brightest idea. The first drink hadn't been the last and Jack had walked in at some point. I don't even want to think about what I did or said, but I sufficiently showed him that my feelings were clearly still present. If waking up beside him didn't show that, then I don't know what will.

At some point I will have to talk to him. Possibly once we set out again. I don't want to continue as we are. Perhaps it's time to think more like a pirate and just take what I can get, even if it's not what I want. Even a part of Jack's attention is better than nothing.

March XX, 1729

Things have been strange lately. Stranger than usual. Jack has been on edge, distracted and with no idea where to go. In the past year, I have yet to see him struggle so much with what he was after. Time and time again, he flips his compass open, shakes it around, snaps it shut again. Repeat. He won't talk to anyone though.

I've tried before, as has Gibbs, but to no avail. Just when I feel things have been getting better, the distance grows again. At least, in a sense. Even when he is pulling me to his side, he is there physically but his mind is always elsewhere. I wish there was something I could do to help him but I wonder if there is anyone in this world he would trust with the truth. Whatever it is, I can only pray that we all make it out fine.

April XX, 1729

Jack is going to be the death of me. As if I hadn't been worried enough, he comes up with plans to make it even worse. A Turkish prison. What could he possibly need that requires the risk of going into a prison like that? I'm terrified that he may not come out. The nights are haunting as we wait for him to return.

All I can do is wait though. Sleeping with the crew would create a sign that something is wrong, yet sleeping in Jack's quarters without him leaves me with sleepless nights. When had things gotten so out of my control? I have to wonder if this is why so many pirates live without attachments. I fear saying the truth, but I know. I am in love with Jack Sparrow and I wish I could change that. Loving that man just means heartache for me in the end when I fear he is incapable of loving me back.