Beautifully Hurting

Punishment

White clouds filled in the sky. No sight of any other color could be seen, just blank white, like a canvas.
It was bright, I could see a faint figure of a human getting closer and closer to me. Normally thousands of questions would be running through my mind like, where am I or is this real? But I couldn't think of any questions, I couldn't think of any words.

The mind is blank with no path to follow and no emotions to overreact with. I couldn't move, think nor speak. What was this weird episode?

Everything in here connected to all that was happening in my mind. I saw almost a heaven. Calm and peaceful, not allowing me to feel any panic about the world that has come to be my enemy.

The figure, now so close, is right in front of me. She stood wearing a white long dress with long sleeves, it was a modest yet beautiful gown. She had long brown curly hair that reached to the back, her skin was a beautiful shade of brown that glowed in the bright aura that followed her. Not being able to think or move, but I could make out her appearance. The woman was so unbelievably beautiful, like a goddess in front of my eyes. Her nose was traditional with a soflt pointed arch, her eyes were big and dark brown, and her lips are thin medium sized plump red.

It's mom.

The familiar warmth and memorys flood back into my mind as I finally gain back the strength to think. I reminisce back to her old pictures in our family picture book. Her face looks refreshed and young but my heart can't deny the fact that I've known this woman for all my life.
The woman in front of me right now looked exactly like young mom, no, this is my mom.

We stared at each other.

I was in complete shock while wondering if this was another game, another trick that the world was throwing at me. It could've been, I mean the odds of all of this actually being real is slim. If its a dream then I'll wake up soon devastated and dead inside. So no, I'd not be surprised if this was a trick or some cruel game because thats what most of my life has come to be.

This is all a dream yet I'm feeling all these real emotions that will come to torture me in real life. I'm feeling happy that she's here, comfort even though neither of us have said anything and safe like even a flying bullet can't harm me. I want to stop the emotions but I can't, I just can't. Seeing my mom here in front of me brings pure torture but at the same time unexplainable joy.

I wanted to touch her, hug her, hear her voice, love her, throw myself into the arms of motherly love that comes with reassurance and comfort. She'll tell me everything's ok, that the world is not trying to kill me, that I'm strong enough to do this, that I'm not a complete crazy person. And most of all I just wanted to here her say that she loved me.

One more time

" please.."

My mouth had opened without my knowledge and soon my body started to move with my knowledge. Despite all the attempts I put on to stop myself mentally from hugging her nothing seemed to work. My heart and soul needed to feel the life changing peace from her. I was desperate for it.

I couldn't cry, I couldn't weep or sob and I needed her.
I'll just have to deal with the tragedy of all this being a dream later.