The Possibility || MARK LEE

Chapter 18; six feet under

'.....this job is hard. Will always be hard. Harder in the beginning.......... Or the ending of all those hardships will be nothing but torture...'

It's already been a month since your debut but you can hear what Mr. Park said that day from time to time and you believe you will be hearing it forever. Cause those words are engraved in your mind.

You debuted on the 25th of August as a duo. You practiced the song and the choreography in a month and everything went well and everything is going well, yet. Debuting as an SM artist gives you the advantage of having fans from the beginning. All of them were curious about who you are and you kind of believe they were satisfied with your debut. NCT had talked about you in vlives and people started stanning you because of them too. And the biggest change was that, you moved from the neo dorm to another. It's 40 minutes away from the previous dorm and you are glad you moved away from them. Specially, him.

Some fans have been sending congratulatory and encouraging messages and as expected, you get to read at least ten 'die', 'get lost foreign bi**' messages everyday. And that must be cause word has been spread that you spent the training period at the nct dorm.

You saw him twice since that day. First time at the SM headquarters and you ignored him that day and the second time at a shooting, and he ignored you that day. Other members message and call you when they have time and when Mark appears in video calls, you suddenly want to pee and when he sees you, he does the same. Ignoring him and being ignored by him hurts, but you feel kind of satisfied too. You do your best to forget him but it is getting worse day by day cause you miss him more now. You just miss him a lot that sometimes you want to run to him and say that you were lying that day.

You've seen how hard their lives are. You've seen how great it is to be followed by saesangs and getting calls from them everyday. Taeyong's bullying scandal, Jungwoo smoking, Jaemin dating etc; are enough trouble for them. You don't wanna add more. You don't wanna ruin his and their lives just because of your naivety and stupid feelings cause now you know how hard it is to survive in this cruel world.

You've been walking with your head full of these thoughts for at least 20 minutes now. This is the first time in months that you got to have a walk like this. You look around to get an idea where you are. You hear cars honking and see people walking hurriedly for the first time in 20 minutes. It's around 10 p.m. You keep walking with your hands in pockets now blaming yourself for wearing only a hoodie in this cold.

You are walking with Billie Eilish's playlist playing and after some time, people's chatter disappears. You look around and realize that you have entered a pavement and you don't see anyone there.

You raise your face a bit and keep walking. You see someone walking towards you from far away. You lower your hood a bit still looking the front. And that person stops walking and you see him or her standing in the middle of the pavement. You see that person looking at you from under (now a ) his hood and you stop too, recognizing him and with just about a two meter distance between you two.
It's him. Mark.

You start walking, your footsteps getting faster and you walk to him. You stand infront of him. Look at him. Move closer to him. Your hands move around him, placing your head on his chest. You hear his heartbeat, what you've missed the most all those times. His hands move too, all around you and the coldness fades away in an instsnt thanks to his warmth. He places his chin on your shoulder. Hugs you tighter. And whispers "i missed you" and you reply "i missed you more"............. Inside your head.

You take a deep breath. Turn around. And start walking.
After minutes you hear him say "wait."
Your heart sinks. And you stop. You don't turn around or move. You sense him walking towards you. He comes and stands infront of you.
Your look at his eyes involuntarily. Though you wanna look elsewhere, you can't. He looks away ignoring yours.
His hands move to his head and takes off his beanie and directs it to you. You don't move and keep staring at him.
He puts your hood down and puts on the beanie covering both your head and ears.
He puts his hands in pockets still avoiding your eyes, turns around and walks away.