Half My Heart

5) Owen

I knock at the door and wait.

What if Mrs. Rybny answers the door? She'll most definitely cry about Ivan's disappearance and if that happens, I'll cry and ruin the cabbage rolls! Or Mr. Rybny? He'll just give a strong stoic look like he always does, even though his eyes will hold a sea of grief that's being contained by a dam he can't let break. Or Alaina? The last time I saw her was with Ivan. They looked so happy and in love. I don't want to see the look of pure and utter heartbreak on her face when she comes out.

But at the same time, I want her to come out.

Ivan was her everything and she shouldn't be alone. Not right now.

So who do I want to come out that door? I have no idea. Either member will hold sadness and grief in their eyes, and I just have to be ready.

The door opens and I see a a pair of violet eyes looking at me. Except, they're dulled down and don't have their shine. There are bags under her eyes and she looks paler than usual. This isn't good.

She points her gaze at me and gives me a small smile that doesn't fully reach her eyes. I stare at her dumbfounded before I realize why I came here in the first place.

"Umm, my dad made your family cabbage rolls," I stutter and awkwardly smile with my teeth, holding the tray out towards her.

Her smile finally reaches her eyes and she accepts the tray.

"Thank you, Owen. It's kind of you and you father to bring this."

"It's no problem. I was on my way to sailing practice and decided to check up on you."

Her smile dropped as soon as "sailing" came out of my mouth.

Curse me and my infernal inability to keep my foot in my mouth!

This is why I don't talk to her! I don't know how my words will affect her and I can't control the words coming out of my mouth around her to begin with!

She looks down at the floor and seems to be burning a hole into it before she looks up at me as though a realization just hit her.

"Owen," she says my name carefully, "I though practice was cancelled today because of the investigation."

"Well, I, you see . . . ,"

See what I mean! She analyzes every single word I say and just comes up with something else.

"Why are you going to the lake when it's dangerous?"

Her face is cool and dangerous now, the stoic ice queen look that I'm used to by now.

"You see, I wanted to practice a little because. . .," she cuts me off before I finish.

"Because you don't think it's actually a big deal: my boyfriend's disappearance! You are in no absolute way affected by the disappearance of your friend and only think about yourself and your needs! Now that Ivan's gone you can be the MVP on the team and win first in regionals! Now that he's gone, you're in top!"

Her face is red and her violet eyes are filled with pure hatred. If I'm not mistaken, I'd say they're glowing. I know she's in pain, but how could she say such awful things about me?

"That's not true! I would never wish such a thing on Ivan. He was one of my best friends!"

The image of Ivan at the bottom of the lake comes back to me and so does the guilt.

"Do you think I wanted this to happen to him?"

I'm about to break down, but I don't want to cry in front of her. I can't!

Her eyes soften and she takes a step toward me and her arms reach forward as though she's going to hug me, but then she took a step back.

"Thank you again for the cabbage rolls, Owen. Have a good day."

The door shuts in my face. I told her how I feel, but the guilt is still there. What would she think of me if she knew the truth?