IN MY BONES! (On Hold)

CHAPTER 1

POV Ray

One week before my 18th birthday .

It is stuffy inside here. all I want is to feel the sun light on my skin, to breath the forest air .I have always been attracted to nature, the peace it offers , the chirping birds , the glazing wind , the rustling of the tree leaves as they push and pull against each other ,that tremendous force of nature . This momenta peace, this grace I feel is heaven . Most normal people would hazard danger , they are all scared of what lays deep in the depth of the gothic forest but I have long felt in love with the forest behind the orphanage . I have felt in love hard with the silence that clot to my soul like a blanket of comfort, the smell that have me closing my eyes and spreading my arms out to at least touch it if I can . That moment when my breath brushes against my cheeks which is the only sound around me, it is sooo.heav..a..n

Ray !?

I focused my attention on sister Tesh, who was currently sitting next to me in the church hall. An average thirty nine years old lady with a green emerald eye, a tiny figure with a very caring personality and very protective type. she is the only person who tame the wild beast inside of me, a mother figure to my shit face of a life. I love her warm hugs , a fruity scent that always linger around her, it always calm me down. it was an ten minutes ago during the lunch hour when she called me here and that was when I zoomed out .

" sorry, yes sister Tesh ? ''

She looked at me with a worried face , that face that I have grown accustomed to . She turned to face me and reached out to hold my hands on my laps. I mentally groaned , ''shit, this is going to take a long freaking time.'' To satisfy her , I shifted to face her too and was rewarded with a tiny smile on her lips and like I said I don't give a shit about anyone except her. For all I care this fucking orphanage could fucking burn to ashes , I wouldn't give a tiny bit of shit. Some may think that I am acting like a spoil brat or I am just throwing a teenage tantrum well, how about you spend more than ten years in this shit hole with people treating you like shit and honestly, I think even shit is given some tiny little bit of respect compared to me. A tug on my hand reminded me that I just zoomed out again.

"Ray , you grew up before my eyes and I know you. I know when you don't like something , when you are upset and when something is bothering you but I want to remind you that whatever you go through I am always here for you. I have been observing you currently and there is something bothering you, you spend more of your time in the forest, you have distanced your self more from the other children and plus you keep getting distracted.'' she breathed out like she have been locking it down. she looked at me with a tiny smile gracing her lips , with a light squeeze on my hands that are still held by her. she took my silence as a go ahead , when she said;'' And I have also heard that the nightmares have gotten worse ,everyone in the girls dorm can hear you every night. why do you always ask who are you, in your sleep? and if you don't mind , please free to tell me about it. I am always with on your side and I always want to help you as long as you open up a little bit to me , Red.?''

I shifted and looked at her face again, when I realised that she just called me Red and that meant this conversation just escalated to the whole new level. she usually calls me Red ,when she is on a more personal mode but the thing is what does she want me to say? how do I tell her that my world is louder than hers? how do I tell her that the is a voice inside my head, that keep whispering dirty things to me? how do I tell her that in spite of know how so bad these dirty things said inside my head are , I cant help but love them. How do I possibly tell you that chaos and danger thrill and excite me? How on this fucking world do I tell her that I feel and think like I am a very bad person ? I feel like a starved tigress in a cage that is bitten, tortured mercilessly , that is full of hate ,full of fury and it is wickedly thirst of blood. How does she expect me to tell her all this ,without sounding crazy or at the worse , her recommending a month of fasting and meditation with a exorcist on me. I shifted nervously on my sit, being self conscious of a prolonged stare on me. silence lingered between us as she waited for my response . my eyes eventually wandered to my shoes for distraction , ''Gosh someone save me'' I mentally begged.

'''pussy!! you cant even handle a granny! 'hearing this voice , on reflex I squeezed sister's Tesh hand hander that I would like. This grabbed her outmost attention on me. Realizing what I have done , I pulled a tight smile while I realised my grip on her hands and retrieving my hands back to my laps, where they softly fisted to tiny fist on my skirt. "protective now, are we? HAHAHA This is gonna be interesting ! "she darkly said. I need to get out of here, my heart was already slamming on my chest. my breath came short, I felt hot and breathing was becoming harder and harder by seconds . I leaned forward with a hand on my chest to at least soften up the tightening on my chest. This caused sister Tesh to scope over closer ,"Ray?? what's wrong??"she asked sounding worried ." she is annoying ! should I just kill her? mmmmh,? what's more fun is that she seems to be so important to you! "she said excitedly. "NO! YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER!! "I automatically stood up when I said this through my gasp's while I tried to force more air inside my lungs. This motion shocked sister Tesh as she start standing up ,slowly approaching me" Red ,I want you to calm down sweetie, just calm down'' she said softly like she used to lullaby me to sleep when I was a child. "ohhh, so fucking adorable. I want to tear her throat so badly!" I clenched my teeth together ,a habit I picked up when I was frustrated . I need to get the hell out of here.! I lifted my head and looked at her getting closer and closer to me. I straighten my self up slowly , still with a hand on my chest ,ready to move but on the first step I took , I collapsed to the floor with Tesh's scream on the background. My body started twisting and untwisting , pain zipped through with a scream that teared through my throat. The second wave of pain zipped through my spine, that got me digging my nails on whoever's hand I am tightly holding on. I cant hold on any longer, I felt powerless and helpless that got me questioning myself , why am I putting up a fight for?. I was already feeling light headed when i heard the voice again.' LET ME IN RED!!' I felt a banging in my head , so loud that on reflex my hands automatically went to my ears to try to block the sound. I felt lighter and it was like my conscious was being pushed to the back of my head, I felt numb and suddenly cold while hearing the fading voice that said 'so weak!! A WORTHLESS SLUT!'

PREVIEW OF CHAPTER 2

I WAS WOKEN UP BY A PIERCING SCREAM , WHATS GOING ON? WHERE AM I? WHATS HAPPENING ? I TRIED MOVING BUT MY BODY IS SO DAMN HEAVY. PULLING MY SELF UP WHILE SUPPORTING MY WEIGHT WITH MY HANDS ON THE FORNT I NOTICED SOMETHING. WHY IS MY HANDS COVERED IN RED PAINT? I LIFTED MY HEAD UP AT THE SOUND OF MANY PATTING SOUND OF SHOES ON THE FLOOR. WHEN I LOOKED TO MY LEFT, MY WHOLE WORLD FOR STOPPED , FOR A MOMENT I WAS STONE COLD SOBER BY.....

MESSAGE BY AUTHOR..

WELL THAT IS FOR NOW. HAHAH IF YOU READ THIS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I LOVE YOU AND GOD BLESS.

LIKE I SAID I AM NOT A REALLY EXPERIENCED WRITTER , I AM NEW AND IF I REALLY BORE YOU.I SINCERLY ASKING FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS.

IF YOU LIKE THE NOVEL PLZ THROW ME A FIGTHING MESSAGE. BYE.