That Little Space Between Never And Ever [completed]

♡ Part 13 ♡

"Where are we going?" I asked. "I'm not going to tell you that. It would ruin the surprise.'' Lando said with a cute face. "I don't like surprises." I smiled back at him and then turned to the window. We were driving his McLaren, it was two days after our meeting at the snack bar. I called him the next morning and we agreed to see each other today. Maybe you could call this our first date and I felt really excited about that. I didn't really know how to act or what to say, this was my very first date. I didn't know what to wear either, so my aunt helped me with that. After a long time, we opted for blue skinny jeans with a white T-shirt and a green checkered jacket. I felt comfortable in it and my aunt said it looked really good. I had tied my hair in a bun on top of my head with a ribbon the same shade of green as my jacket around it. I never wear much makeup so I just used some mascara and lip gloss. My eyes looked bigger thanks to the mascara and my glasses. "Do you know that I really missed you for the past 4 months?" Lando asked. I turned my head to him and looked surprised, pleasantly surprised. He smiled when he saw me chewing my lip. "You look cute, I really love your outfit.""Thanks." I answered shyly. "You're looking good too." He was wearing black jeans, a yellow T-shirt and a gray denim jacket. It looked so good on him. "But I meant what I just said. I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about you... You were almost always on my mind. I wanted to tell Isabelle what she had done and what a bitch she is, but she doesn't deserve it to get that attention. I am very happy that we met again and I am sorry about everything." I smiled like an idiot from the inside, but I tried to hide it a bit. Knowing that he felt exactly like me was quite special. At first I didn't want to tell him I felt the same way, but he had told me too and he deserved to know. "Well, to be honest, I felt exactly the same." I told him and now it was his turn to look surprised. "I couldn't get you out of my head, I tried so hard, but I just couldn't forget you. Every night the same story played in my head, our meeting, the evening we spent together, Isabelle who was a bitch, my conversation with Zak and the night I spent at the hotel afterwards... Every night, over and over, I tried so hard to forget everything, to be okay with the story as it was, but I couldn't. As if I knew we would see each other again..." I saw that he looked a little shy, he smiled and his eyes twinkled. He looked so cute. I didn't tell him, but I've been feeling so bad lately... The fear was worse than ever, I isolated myself even more than before, my psychologist didn't think she could help me anymore, she almost sent me to a clinic... I promised her not to hurt myself, to meet people, to get back into social life. She never knew that I never did, I just couldn't do it. I told made-up stories about meetings with friends or conversations in stores. I told her that I was doing better, that I had less trouble with all the normal, everyday things that I had so much trouble with. And yes, she believed me... None of what I told her was true, but I'd gotten so good at pretending that even my psychologist believed things were really getting better. In fact, the only person who really makes me feel like I'm alive, like there's still something to keep fighting for, who makes me not give up yet is the guy sitting next to me right now. We drove there in silence for a few minutes, but luckily it didn't feel embarrassed or anything. "Okay, we're almost there, close your eyes." Lando said then. "Do you trust me?" He asked. I almost laughed at the question he asked me. Me and people trust, what answer do you expect? "Can I trust you?" I asked instead. "Yes, you can.""Okay, I do." I closed my eyes. It felt strange sitting there with my eyes closed, but he was driving very carefully and I started to feel like I could maybe really trust him. My body was screaming to open my eyes, to regain control, not to trust anyone for a moment, but my eyes remained closed. I promised him and I wanted to trust him. It felt so bad, I was used to doing everything on my own, I hate losing control or leaving things to someone else. I tried to overcome myself and shut my stupid brain up. "We're here, keep your eyes closed." Said Lando. I heard him open his car door and get out. Seconds later, the door on my side opened and he helped me out of the car. "Do not cheat." Lando said, laughing. He stood behind me and put his hands over my eyes so that I couldn't see. He led me somewhere, I still had no idea where we were. We entered a room and after a few meters he stopped walking. His hands disappeared from my eyes, leaving a cold spot. His touch had been nice. "You can open your eyes now." I could tell from his voice that he was smiling. I slowly opened my eyes. The lights were dim, I looked around. I was in a large room that was lit with neon lights and was otherwise quite dark. The neon lights played on Lando's face and made his eyes twinkle. When I saw what kind of room we were in, my heart started to dance. "How, how do you know?" I asked surprisingly. We were in an arcade hall and I absolutely love arcades! I've never been to a real arcade and it was so great. We were the only ones in the room and Lando smiled like an idiot next to me. It was probably easy to see on my face how much I loved this. "Your brother told me you love arcades." He said. "And I like it too, so I thought it would be a great idea for our first date." The sparkle in his eyes was so cute. I stopped myself from jumping into his arms and walked to one of the arcades. It was a pinball machine. I ran my hand over the arcade. ''Thank you very much, Lando. This is an amazing place.'' I looked at him over my shoulder and we smiled at each other. It was great with the two of us. I really enjoyed all the arcade games and it was just a lot of fun between us. We got the chance to get to know each other better and we also had a good laugh. When we played an air hockey game, my stomach started to hurt because I had laughed so hard. This feeling felt so new to me, I hadn't laughed like this in so long. I felt free, I felt happy, and Lando made my heart dance and my stomach hurt. It has been so long since I had any real fun, that I really enjoyed what I was doing, that I could enjoy without fearing or thinking about anything that could happen, anything that had happened. Lando really was what he looks like on television. It was kind of weird spending time with that guy I'd seen on television so many times. That funny guy who was almost always happy, makes jokes and makes everyone around him laugh. I felt that I could just be myself and not have to do anything else. I found myself sweating a little. We were both really fanatic and the air hockey game score was now 6 for me and 8 for Lando, we played to 10 points. I probably looked very focused and Lando started to laugh, but for some reason I didn't feel like he was laughing at me. "You can't take losing?" He asked, eyebrows raised. "I can handle losing, but I don't want to lose." I replied with a smile on my face. "So, can you handle losing?" I asked him. He smiled at me. "We'll see." The way he looked at me made me feel special. The fact that we were on a date right now, that he wanted to spend time with me, that he missed me... After some great fights, Lando won the match with 10-9. He looked at me and tilted his head slightly. "I can handle losing." He said smiling. "You're not lost, so we don't know yet." I replied. I looked around the hall and my eyes fell on one of the arcade dance machines. I looked at Lando again. "Let's play a dance dance revolution." Now it was my turn to smile at him. Together we walked to the machine. When we were both on the platform, I looked at Lando. "Ready?" I asked. "Ready." He nodded. We pressed the start button and the music started to play. On the screen there were arrows, just like on the platform we were standing on. You had to follow the instructions on the screen and tap the arrows on the platform as indicated on the screen. There were four arrows, right, left, up and down. You get points by hitting them at the right time and whoever had the most points at the end of the dance won. It started slowly, Lando even had time to look sideways, where I danced next to him. Of course I noticed, but I pretended not to. The music got faster and it got harder to hit them all in the right order and at the right time. I concentrated on the screen and sometimes looked at my feet for a moment. When I quickly looked at our score, I saw that I was ahead. I looked at Lando and smiled when I saw his concentrated look, it was really cute. When I wanted to look back at the screen I put my feet wrong, lost my balance and thought I was going to fall. I tried to grab the brace behind me, but it didn't work. Before I could fall to the ground, Lando caught me. I was in his arms, he looked at me and I did the same. His eyes were so beautiful, his smile was cute, he looked amazing... Slowly he came closer to me with his face. I forgot to breathe, I could feel the warmth of his body ... He got closer and closer, his lips almost touched mine... It was as if the spell was suddenly gone, the magic disappeared and I turned my head away. I couldn't do this, I wasn't ready, I, I just couldn't... Lando looked at me questioning and questioning, but also with something you could call, disappointment? I broke free from his arms and looked at my feet. "I'm going to the bathroom." I said without looking at him and I walked away. He called my name a few times and I felt his eyes sting my back, but I ignored it. Without looking back, I walked to the bathroom. Lando had rented the arcade so that no one could notice us, but everything was open as usual. All the lights were on, we could use all the arcades and the bathrooms were also opened. I quickly entered the women's bathroom and stood in front of the enormous mirror. I looked at myself and tears welled up in my eyes. No one would ever know how much I hated myself... Why couldn't I just let that great moment be great? Why did I have to think about everything that could happen, but only the bad things? Why did I have to hurt Lando? I was still staring in the mirror, my hands were shaking, I started to feel worse, but then I heard someone come into the bathroom. It was Lando, of course. I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. He came to stand next to me, he wouldn't let my closed attitude turn him away and I really appreciated that. "Can I please hug you?" He asks me. I turned away from the mirror and turned to him. When I nodded, he wrapped his arms around me and held me. It was only two days ago, the last time he hugged me, but damn, I missed it. His arms felt so safe and strong, everything about him felt safe and strong. Then why was I still scared? Why did I still run away? I knew the answer, of course I knew, but the answer was painful. I was used to running away, I was used to being scared, I didn't know any better. I never attached myself to anyone to make it easier if I lose them again. The fact that I did begin to bond with someone was a strange and scary feeling to me. It was so hard to change those things I was so used to in one moment, it was how I am, how I work, but I hate it. Basically I hate everything that is about myself. "What is going on?" Lando asked softly, I could hear a bit of worry in his voice. "I hate to see you like this. So broken, scared, so... lost. I hate when you try to run away from me, I want to be there for you..." He put his arms tighter around me as if he was afraid that I would run away. I took a deep breath, held my breath for a second, then exhaled. I decided that I would just say what I think. What he just said was so sweet and genuine. He deserves that I will be sincere. ''I'm just so scared. I've never done this before, I don't know how to go on a date, I don't know how to fall in love, I don't know how to act, what to say, what to do. How can I love someone and be good to someone else when I don't even love myself and am not good for myself. I just feel like I will never be enough. Not good enough, not nice enough, not kind enough, not funny enough, not beautiful enough, not... Not enough in every way it's possible not to be enough. I'm not enough and I'll never be enough so I better go..." He hadn't tried to interrupt me and I had said all this without even pausing to breathe. Instead of telling me what I just said isn't true and wanting me to promise never to say anything like that again, he said just one sentence. But it was a special sentence, one that I may think about for a long time after today. "Maybe the space between never being enough and ever being enough is smaller than you think." He gently pushed me away from him so that he could look me in the eye. "You're better than you see yourself, Olivia. People don't see you the way you see yourself, at least I don't. It may take a while, but you may see yourself one day the way others see you, the way I see you. Until then, please just don't go.'' A tear rolled down my cheek. This time he wiped it off carefully. It felt like my face was on fire where he touched it. I tilted my head slightly and looked Lando in the eye. "Thank you, I'll stay." I said and I chewed my lip. He hugged me again, then took my hand. "Come on, I just want to have some fun together." He said and we walked back to the arcades. "I have to take you home in an hour."

Their first date is a ✨ FaCt ✨ Hopefully you liked it! Let me know how cute they are from 1 to 10 :) I tried my best on this part again, like always, and hopefully it was enough. Lots of love and all the best for you all xx