Sorry I Didn't Kiss You 『Katsuki Bakugou x reader』

Wishing You Were Here With Me

***

The world as I opened my eyes was blinding, as my eyes adjusted the first things I noticed were; the iv in my arm, my slowed heartbeat on the monitor, the oxygen mask on my face, Aizawa Sensei and Midoria at the end of my bed, and that Katsuki wasn't here.

"Y-you're awake." Midoria stammered in shock as he rushed beside me.

"W-where's Katsuki?" I croaked out, my voice horse and cracking in and out as I spoke.

"He's just getting some fresh air on the roof, I'll go get him." Midoria gave me a reassuring smile as he walked out of the door.

Midoria had always been a good kid, he did everything he could to make others happy and feel safe, even if it was to his own determinant.

The reassurance didn't last long though as I heard his footsteps run away from the door only telling me that this really was it. This was how I was going to die.

"Are you in any pain?" Aizawa asked as he approached me.

I shook my head no. I really couldn't feel a thing, just emptiness.

"That's good to hear, the nurses gave you a lot of morphine, and some things to wake you up too." His eyes were glued to the floor, the thought of losing one of his students eating him up inside.

"I wrote a letter, please make sure he gets it." I reached my hand over to Aizawa trying to make sure he heard me through the oxygen mask and my quiet voice.

"Bakugou?" I nodded in confirmation. "I will." He took my wavering hand in his not wanting me to feel alone in the end. His hand was so warm in contrast to mine, it felt nice.

I smiled at his gesture resting my head back on the pillow closing my eyes. "Thank you for being my teacher."

"I'm sorry." Those two words held so much weight behind them, so much helplessness and strain. They were words coming from a man who didn't know what else to say as he could do nothing more than stand by and watch someone die.

I looked over to my Sensei, sorrow filling my chest at the sight of the disheveled hero.
"It's- ok." Those were the last words that filled the hospital room.

Moving my gaze from my teacher to the window, I watched as a gentle breeze blew the falling cherry blossom petals across the blue sky.

The soft pinks of the petals were a beautiful contrast to the white fluffy clouds and gentle blue sky. It was certainly a sight to see.

How ironic for the thing that was so breathtaking and delicate to be the very thing that was killing me. What a strange world we live in.

Taking a deep breath I sighed knowing this was it, my final destination. Thoughts of regret and wishing filled my mind knowing Katsuki wasn't going to make it.

I guess these seven years will be pretty dumb, since nothing but heartache came from them. I wanted to apologize to him, make sure he knew it wasn't his fault. Try and relieve some pain before it started, but I couldn't even do that. My life really did amount to nothing.

Would everything have been ok if I just told him I loved him? Would I still be sitting on my deathbed? Maybe if I had just taken some initiative and kissed him we could have been on a nice date right now, enjoying the falling of the petals, instead of them being some kind of sick mockery.

Now I'll never know how he truly feels about me, I'll never know if we could have been happy together, I'll never see the day either of us walk down the aisle or achieve our dreams, because this- this is it.

Everyone says that your life flashes before you're eyes in a second before you die, but mine is more so dragging itself out into a million more seconds, trying to hold onto something it will never have. 

Trying to show all the possibilities that can never come true, all because I was afraid of ruining what I had. What is it that I had anyway?

I guess it doesn't really matter anymore.

My heart monitors incessant screaming was nothing more than a dream to my ears as the world around me was beginning to cave in. The corners of my vision blurring and creeping in to take my soul from my body.

The warmth from Aizawa's hand was fading, or was it me that was fading? Who can really tell.

It felt harder to breath, as if I wasn't getting oxygen to my lungs no matter how hard I tried. Did I even have to breath anymore? Would it be ok if I took a break, just for a second to rest?

I could hear screaming and yelling but couldn't make anything out, it felt like I was underwater, but it wasn't scary. It was kind of peaceful drifting away.

I felt a warmth surround me, holding onto me, as if asking me to stay. A blonde figure came into my view, it was so beautiful that it was almost glowing, using all the strength I had I raised my hand to cup their face, it felt wet, as if they were crying.

Rubbing their face with my thumb I wiped the wetness away.

They felt so panicked, they were trying so hard to speak to me, but as hard as I tried to, I couldn't hear what they were trying to say. I wanted to help them, to listen to their words, but I just couldn't. I was too tired, I was so very tired. When did I get this tired?

Slowly closing my eyes I let go of the remaining air in my lungs, letting myself lay peacefully in the warmth of that pretty blonde light. Goodnight Katsuki.

***

Word count 1000