March Chrysanthemum

vol. 1

Two lovers have been separated, some depict them destined, some a tragedy.

Glancing across the ballroom, swift motions

yearning for the touch

Of such pain, It shall cause

When one's hand leaves the warmth

the only touch I shall ever feel

The heat of sorrow

If pain was your language of love

I have felt much of your love

And shall continue to seek

For more

A never-ending tragedy

Where two hearts are one

Till death, the knots remain stuck

And toward the moon, they shall seek

the solution to unwind

Such complex feelings

Intertwined.

I question what love feels like. I question the reality of love, and whatever feelings it may cause me. Why do the butterflies in my stomach never flutter, my eyes don't see a world filled with the color of such emotion, of such happiness it should cause me. Why is that I, one accompanied by lovers never feel the way they look at one another, intrigued and struck. Whilst I look up onto the sky, shades of gray tease my eyes. A world once a rainbow, no longer the world a little girl sees. Two hands intertwined, the pulse of each other pushing the other the continue. Once it stops, the torture is over. "Are  you living or are you just alive?" It tickled my head in thought, what was my purpose, and what ripple should I leave behind such a bulb of gray that I yearn for more air. My brain's thoughts falter as the gray consumes me. Not sure what the gray is, the ruffle of my blouse to the sparrow singing song on the trees, no color is shown. My heart desires "love", wondering what joyful side effect it might leave me, as happiness was a diamond in a world of sand. Laughter riddles me once or twice, my crown I'm once so proud of locked away. Though I may not be one to question the world's functioning ways, I live through every day as if the devil pulls on my hair as strings to keep me awake. I have no understanding of the feelings of friends, family, or even simple laughter.

Oh, Your eyes shimmer of the stars, your breath trails behind the moon. Frankly, I told the stars about you. How your laughter fills my heart like when music notes resonate in an orchestra hall. Pleasantly, every aspect of you is perfection. You may not realize your worth or your change, but I do. The moon smiled back as I confessed my desire to join her. Going up seemed like a better way than parting. Refusal is the least of my worries, she cannot deny me. Death has no choice but to take me, and love shall be banished from my heart forever. No difference would be felt, as you did the same actions of ripping my soul out and throwing it away. My love exceeds my being and all I can describe, yet you take me as a fool and tossed my feelings aside. Heartbroken simply cannot describe what emotion I felt as I watch your shadow slowly turn dimmer, dimmer, and dimmer.

Maybe in my dreams, this seemed closer to the touch than you ever will be.

Curiosity drifts from my mind as I watch you wander, I think of your thoughts and want to feel your emotions. Is it so wrong? My mind makes sense and no sense. Clearly, sense does not belong to me. Understanding is just a phrase, simply not one I understand.

So, I put down my pen, close my eyes, and once again, I am back to reality, once again, disappointment fills me.