The Devil's Backbone

4. Where I Stood

I don’t know what I’ve done, or if I like what I’ve become

But something told me to run, and honey you know me its all or none

Harley

            My mind was spinning.

The walk back to my house and up to my room was a complete blur. I didn’t know what to think, what to feel, I didn’t even know what to do. I didn’t even know how to process what had happened to me. I had just met my feeling, my true mate, the thing, or person that I had been looking for. The feeling was still there in my heart, but it was fading now, I could feel it drifting away from me.

I knew I shouldn’t, but I held onto that feeling. I held onto it because I knew that I would never be allowed to mate with a rogue wolf. They were frowned upon in every single pack, in all of werewolf society. They were ruthless killers that disregarded werewolf or human laws. They were not to be trusted.

But mine was beautiful. Oh he was so gorgeous, especially with his shirt off. And sweet Jesus did that boy know how to kiss. He was cute and he made me laugh and he was just so fantastic and he cooled the burning in my body and he made everything all right.

I grabbed my pillow from underneath my head, slammed it down on my face, and screamed. I screamed and kicked and threw a fit and when I was done I did it again. “My life was supposed to be normal!” I screamed at my empty room and then I busted out laughing. Just hours ago I was complaining about my life being boring and how I needed change and now that I’d gotten it, I didn’t want it. I was such a cliché teenager.

I replaced the pillow under my head and sighed. It was time for a new song. I had plenty of material now. I got out my paper, my guitar, and started writing. The words flowed out of me like they never had before. I was crying by the end of it but damn did I have a good song finished. I lay on bed, emotionally tired and stared at the ceiling.  A long time ago, all of us had spent hours putting those glow-in-the-dark stars up there. I had stopped looking at them a while ago but tonight was a night of firsts, so what the hell.

We had bought the whole solar system set so the moon was up there along with all the planets surrounded by hundreds of stars. And I do mean hundreds, we bought so many my friends started putting their names up there with the smaller stars.  It was really pretty cool for a bunch of eighth graders. I drifted off, dreaming about the stars wondering if Jason was doing the same.

My alarm clock jolted me awake. I was still in my clothes and lying on top of my blankets. I looked around wondering what had happened last night when my eyes landed on my notebook and what lay on top. I rolled off my bed and walked over to my desk, picking up the notebook.

Suddenly the whole night came back to me in a single flash. My heart started racing and my body started heating up. I felt terrible. My feeling was gone, my ‘complete’ feeling. I shook my head to try and rid my self of the nauseous feeling that had replaced it. I turned my attention to what had been on the notebook to distract myself. It was a bracelet, made out of colored strings. I used to make them all the time with Emma when we were little. It was blue and purple and had hearts braided into it, whoever had made it was a lot more talented than I had been at making them. Mine always turned out looking like crap. I had no idea where it had come from though; I raised it to my nose sniffing it. Coolness washed over my body, it was Jason’s scent. I smiled, the thought of him in my room while I was sleeping was slightly creepy but the fact that he left something for me to remember him by was sweeter and canceled it out.