they say trauma and grief can do crazy things to even the most rational people.
cassie wasn't necessarily logical or rational, despite being a ravenclaw. she could be quite impulsive and erratic at times.
it's now cassie's seventh year, but during...
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"potter, you alright?"
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merlin, she wanted to get up and stretch her legs and go to class and sneak kisses with james in quiet corridors and swap notes in an attempt to make each other laugh. she wanted to go for breakfast and her stomach was begging for her to attend lunch but she couldn't get her legs to move. but, instead of facing the day, cassie had stayed in her single four-poster looking out the window next to her bed wondering whether or not she could fit through just to have some fresh air.
casise most certainly didn't want to get dressed and trudge down to the courtyard in the bitter late february afternoon. cassie had been 'ill' for the last couple of days and it pained her to be aware of the fact michael had basically won the fight because cassie had never missed a school day on her life. she was ill, in a way. she was ill thinking, making her feel all round terrible. that's an illness, no?
caitlyn had brought her work up for her which she managed easily and the next day caitlyn took her completed work back to the professors. caitlyn didn't really think much about cassie's illness because everyone got ill and so she was happy to just help her best friend in anyway she could. what she did find strange, however, was that casise hadn't spoken about james or asked how he was, she didn't even bother to ask about the quidditch match gryffidnor played against hufflepuff that morning.
"did i tell you gryffindor lost to hufflepuff?" asked caitlyn as she got changed out of her clothes and pulled her pyjamas on, "i went to support naz and she said james was really off with a lot of the game. the quaffle slipped from his grip more times in that game alone than it did in his whole quidditch career. he stormed off when byron in hufflepuff caught the snitch."
"oh, that sucks," said cassie as she looked down at the word search booklet she had open on her lap. she's got to pass the time somehow.
"yeah, it does," said caitlyn, finding the insincere phrase that cassie had said to be suspicious and just strange. after everything she'd went through to end up with james and have such a great guy, she was baffled by her lack of care or empathy towards a situation that would distress and upset her boyfriend like that, "is there something you want to tell me?"
"no," responded cassie as she crossed out a word she had finally found.
"you sure? because these past couple of days you've been cosplaying as a grandmother and james has been pretty much vacant," said caitlyn, the idea of james not being the ray of sunshine he was and was instead being distant made cassie's conscience crawl with guilt.
"i'm not well," said cassie with a shrug, "i didn't know i had to mother someone."
"don't get defensive with me," said caitlyn sternly, "i'll go speak to james and you know it. i'm your best friend and somehow i feel like i'm in this dorm with a complete stranger. it feels like you're a million miles away."
"james had said a lot about us and about how we're soulmates and how he'll do anything and everything to love me," said cassie, she sighed and continued, "i feel happy and honoured that we are supposedly meant to be and i'm so endeared that he will stand by me. as much as he says i deserve it, i don't think i deserve what he's offering me."
"why do you feel like that?" asked caitlyn softly, slowly approaching cassie's bed and sat at the end of it.
"i don't even know. i just don't think i'm prepared for all of that because of everything that's happened to me. i feel like i'm giving him false hope and he's wasting his time loving someone who is terrible at reciprocating it," said cassie, she put her face into her hands and rubbed her face out of stress, "kate, i haven't told you what really happened with michael and i but it wasn't just cheating and lying it was..."
"you can tell me," said caitlyn, shuffling up the bed to hold cassie's hand.
cassie, from start to finish, told caitlyn what had happened between her and michael. there was a lot of crying and i'm sorry for not noticing and i'll go and kill him with my bare hands. cassie didn't expect caitlyn to notice her extreme loneliness and pain, she didn't wish for her to have noticed because that wasn't her job. it was cassie's courage to get out of the relationship and if she hadn't have left him when she did, that by no means made her weak, it simply meant and would've been too scared to do anything about it. or perhaps still unaware of the severity of the relationship and how not normal it was.
that was one of the reasons cassie was apprehensive about telling anyone because society, and michael, had made her accustomed to the narrative that she stayed with him. even after the first gaslight, after the first hit, the first degrading insult, she stayed. therefore, she knew what she was in for, therefore, it is partially her fault.
it's strange, society seem to ask and scrutinise woman as to why they stayed in the abusive, toxic relationship. rather than ask and scrutinise the man who manipulated, abused and mentally tortured the woman they were meant to love.
"potter, you alright?" asked nazreen as she entered the changing rooms james had stayed in since their loss which was this morning and it was now early in the evening.
"fine," said james as he looked down at the floor from where he sat.
"if you need to talk to someone, i'm here," said nazreen, "you're my captain after all, so if you're fucked up the whole team will be fucked up."
"i appreciate the concern, khan, but i'm perfectly fine. i just had an off day."
"i don't think hiding in the changing room all day and being perfectly fine go hand in hand," said nazreen as she approached the bench he was sitting on and sat next to him, "i know cass is not feeling well right now but that's nothing to be worried about. if that's what the problem."
"it's not about cassie," lied james because of course it was about how worried he was about her and the other marauders knew that. sirius obviously kept it to himself when asked what was up with james by the other teammates.
"i can tell you don't want to talk and that's fine," said nazreen as she got to her feet, "but, you should sort your head out before the next game. we can't have the possibly of us winning the house cup based on your mood swings."
james knew nazreen was right, it was incredibly selfish of him to jeopardise the prospect of gryffindor winning the house cup because he couldn't think straight. but, it was difficult for him to think of anything but the possibly of michael blabbing to people about cassie and remus. of course, dumbledore already knew about remus but that's not to say everyone else would be so understanding. if school kids are one thing, it's misunderstanding and judgemental.
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a/n
kind of a filler tbh.
i know it's unclear like are #jassie still together??? yeah they don't even know that so how tf are you meant to know?
