Splicing of Changes

Chapter 15

One moment was all it took. No, wrong. It was one sentence. No. It's one note. Okay. So, let me start over again. Several moments were all it took that destroyed me, brought me down. Now I am feeling...I don't know, I am not sure...hurt, betrayal, anger, pain, sadness to name a few. Thanks a lot mom and dad! I am almost glad they had the accident.

'You should not think that'. My brain says, I used to call it my voice of reason. But now it is anything but. Just like all the things I thought for the last 12 years, all the things are now...shattered. Guess what happened? Here is a clue, I opened the damn parcel. But you wouldn't believe what was inside, well apparently neither could I. That is for a while.

After the dramatic lunch we returned to paint more, I have no idea why. But it felt almost therapeutic to me. And since Lee found me on the back porch, she kept on looking at me at intervals. But neither of us said a word. I knew she was watching me the entire time we painted. Still, I said nothing. I just couldn't. Amy on the other hand found her voice. She kept on trying to chat with well a closed-up, numbed me and Lee. The kids were busy playing and watching some show the rest of the time. All in all, we did a lot of work after lunch. I guess not chatting really speed things up. We have colored the three walls; the only wall left is one which is to be colored sky blue. I am just glad the whitewash dried very quickly, as advertised. Liz bought it because of its quick drying capability, and it did not disappoint me. Something didn't, I guess.

My room is infested with paint fumes today plus everything is wrapped there anyways. So, for a few days I would be staying in a different room. I presumed I was staying in the guest room. But I apparently wasn't. Alex told me, that this room I will be staying for now is the guest room, whereas that room was for someone, she didn't know who. As no one ever stayed in that room, before me. That piqued my curiosity a little. Because I thought no way would Tori have a room for me specially when she didn't contact me for 12 years. Boy was I wrong to assume that.

So, after the paint. Amy and Tim left to have dinner at their house. That did change Tim's mood a little. I noticed. Lee told me it's okay if I don't want to go to the hangout today. Plus, they might not be there today for long anyways. She also said well I am pretty sure to reassure me that she will not be going today either as she is tired and will go home directly. Tori did invite her to dinner but she politely in a 'Lee fashion' declined. That involved a lot of gawking and stammering. It made me laugh a little. So, we had dinner just us.

After dinner was when I had the bright idea to open the parcel. I mean it is here and I thought I could just open it. If its contents are something, I am not ready to share I would just hide it. So simple. Wrong. Nothing is ever simple. Because its contents are something that did break me. But it is not something I could hide or not question. It was and still is somewhat intriguing to me. Although the intriguing part has almost receded now and is taken over by mostly anger, I am guessing. I am not sure about my emotions anymore. They are a little jumbled up right now, just like my life. He-he I made a joke. Just like I am a joke. 'Whoa! That's just sad'. My brain just said to me, 'yeah no shit.' I replied knowing full well I am talking to my brain.

Curiosity killed the cat. Isn't that a saying? Well, in this case it killed me. My ideas, my thoughts, everything I thought in the past shattered. You want to know why, its because of what I found in the parcel. It is sent to mock me, that I am sure about. Or to make me realize how wrong I am about everything. How wrong I have been all my life. When I should have questioned it all along. I did, but most times not out loud. Now I know I should have. Maybe then I wouldn't be so oblivious. I feel so much betrayed right now, I can't even begin to comprehend.

I opened the parcel. I am not calling it a package because at first, I thought it might contain some clothing item. As it came in a weird heavy envelope. Not in a box as the packages I have received previously over the years. I thought what it could contain. I could check it alone in the guest room. So, I finally opened it. First thing I noticed was white. Then I realized they are envelopes. Lots of them. Maybe hundred maybe more. That's weird I thought. So, I inspected the first envelope my hand landed on. As I opened it, I realized I was reading a letter, written to me, by none other than Tori. It was dated few years ago. That made me want to see if all of these are letters.