When I Lose Control

The Grand Tour

A muffled voice is talking to me but the words are fuzzy. It's like I'm under water, drowning, and onlookers are calling out for help. Eventually, I make it to the surface and the voice becomes clear.

"Ava? Are you okay?" asks Wanda, her hand now on my shoulder as she kneels in front of me.  I feel dazed, like how you feel when you've just woken up from a terrible dream and you're not quite sure what is real and what isn't. 

"Sorry. I must have zoned out." Looking around, everyone's eyes are on me again. Only this time, they're filled with concern, with pity. "What is it? Did I do something?" I check my hands to make sure that they aren't glowing, that I didn't lose control. 

"You're crying," reveals Steve after a brief silence. 

"Oh." My fingertips feel wet as they brush against my cheek to wipe my eyes.

"Wanda. Why don't you and I give Ava the grand tour and show her to her room?" suggests Tony. "I'm sure the rest of you can find something to keep yourselves busy."

Wanda places her hand on my back and guides me out of the room. "What happened in there?" she asks as soon as the door closes and the others are out of earshot.

"I don't know. I just-" I start, "I got lost, I suppose." Tony leads the way and shows me all the main rooms in the compound: the kitchen featuring a state-of-the-art canteen, where there's even a freshly stocked salad bar; the gym is home to every exercise machine you could think of, including some contraptions that seem more likely to be used for bondage than for working out. 

Tony stops in front of a frosted-glass door. "And now, for my favourite room of them all," he announces as he slides it open. "This is where we keep the toys." Tony ushers me inside while he and Wanda stay in the hallway. My eyes widen in amazement. Each Avenger has their own glass cabinet, adorned with colour-specific LED spot lights. Wanda's iconic red leather coat hangs graciously on a mannequin, surrounded by a striking scarlet hue. Tony's current Iron Man suit, the Mark 43, proudly stands centre stage, gold lights bouncing off the vivid metal. Of course. Tony's ego couldn't have it any other way. Perhaps the most impressive case though is Captain America's. A mix of strategically-placed blue, red and white strobes enhance the uniform's stars and stripes, synonymous with the world's first Avenger. At the foot of the suit sits a shield. The shield. It is so awe-inspiring that I instinctively move to touch it.

"Go ahead. Try it on," offers a voice from behind me. Steve is stood a few feet away, leaning in the doorway as he nods towards the cabinet. 

"Oh no, I couldn't--" 

"I insist," he interrupts as he walks towards the case and bends down to pick up the shield. Steve gently holds my elbow as he fastens the buckles around my forearm. He accidentally catches my skin in the clasp, which makes me wince. "Sorry," he says with a furrowed brow. "That's twice I've hurt you today."

"I forgive you, Rogers," I tease, "just don't do it again." Steve holds my gaze and his fingers linger for a moment, sending goosebumps up my arm. 

He smiles and glances down at the shield. "It looks good on you." I walk over to the mirror that stands in the corner of the room and look at my reflection. Somehow holding the shield makes me look, and feel, even more like a child playing dress-up as a hero. "What do you think?" asks Steve. 

"I'm not sure it's my colour," I reply, sliding the shield off my arm. "It suits you better." 

"Come on, Ava. I'll show you your bedroom," Tony calls from the hallway. Smiling, I hand the shield back to Steve, thank him for entertaining me and leave to follow Tony and Wanda to my room.