Mistakes [A SVU Fanfiction]

[30]

Alex held onto Olivia as she sobbed like a baby. She was in pain from her surgery, but that didn't stop her from crying. All she wanted in life was to be a mother, but now she doesn't know if she'll ever meet the small girl that she had carried for twenty-eight weeks and fell in love with. 

"I will make sure that everything is ready for that little girl when she comes home." Olivia spoke softly, once Alex's crying had changed from sobbing to silent tears.

"I have nothing, Liv. You were planning me a baby shower, and I was going to get whatever else I may need after that... I'm so unprepared for a baby." Alex whispered as she leaned heavily into Olivia.

"I will get everything ready. I just need you to tell me what you want for her room." Olivia replied. She kissed the top of Alex's head, before holding her a little closer.

"Can you name her for me too?" Alex sniffled.

"No, honey. I'm not naming your daughter for you. You have time to name her, so just think about the cutest names you have heard and liked."

"You stole Lilah, though." Alex whispered.

"Okay, real nice. Now, do you want to get some sleep?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, I think so. I have a list of things that I need to get done on my laptop. And links to everything that I liked... I'll pay you back later. Okay?"

"Don't worry about that right now. Get some sleep and I'll be back later. I love you."

///

Olivia left the hospital and went home first. She needed to shower and get a few hours of sleep before the stores opened and she could go get what Alex needed.

"Hey." Rafael spoke as he watched his fiancee walk from the bathroom as she tightened her belt.

"Oh, hi." Olivia replied quietly.

"What are you doing back home? I thought that Alex needed you." Rafael yawned as he climbed out of bed before moving to Olivia. He wrapped his arms around her waist before holding her close.

"She wanted to get some sleep, so I came home. I probably only slept for an hour, took a shower, and now I'm going to head over to her apartment." Olivia sighed.

"How is she doing? The baby?" 

"Alex is destroyed and completely unprepared for this all. And the baby... she's incredibly sick. She coded while I was in the NICU with her, and they really didn't give Alex an update before I left."

"Honey, I'm so sorry." Rafael whispered as he held his fiancee closer.

"This really sucks, Rafa. Like, Alex has been through hell in the last few years. And after she lost her last baby, she hasn't been exactly the same. Now her little girl is twelve weeks early, really sick, and if she loses her, I think that we will lose Alex too." Olivia whimpered. She started to cry as Rafael pulled her closer.

He pressed a few soft kisses to her temple, before holding her away from his body.

"I will help you get everything that Alex and the baby need. We can call Lucy and ask her to watch the kiddos while we tackle this together. Okay?"

"Okay."

///

When Alex said that she had nothing for her daughter, she truly meant it. She had nothing. She didn't have clothes, a crib, diapers. Nothing. So Olivia and Rafael had a lot to do. They bought everything that she needed, before going to her apartment and deep cleaning the baby's room before setting it up. 

"Thank god that we had Lilah's room done before she arrived, because Alex and I wouldn't have been able to do this." Rafael spoke, as he tucked a bunch of newborn and premie clothes into a dresser while Olivia was putting the crib together.

"It also didn't help that our daughter was born in the middle of a blizzard. But we had more than enough time to set up her room. Alex didn't have to worry about setting up her daughter's room until closer to her due date. But here we are." Olivia sighed.

She settled onto the soft rug that Alex had bought just for the nursery, before raking her fingers through her hair.

"You know that this isn't your fault, right? Like, there was nothing more that you could do?" Rafael asked, as he sat down beside her.

"I just feel bad, Rafa. I feel bad that she was here all alone and had to experience contractions and her water breaking without someone to hold her hand." Olivia frowned.

"Do you want her to move back in with us?" Rafael questioned, and Olivia nodded slowly.

"Kinda. I feel like we would all be better off with her and the baby there. And to do that, we can move the boys into a room together. Then Lilah can share a room with Alex's daughter. Alex can take-"

"Babe, we probably have months till Alex's baby will be released. We should probably talk to Alex before moving her back into our house, and we should do that now before we finish setting this whole room up." Rafael smiled softly.

"Then let's go."

///

Olivia and Rafael went up to the hospital with extra clothes and items for Alex, along with a few headbands for the baby. They went to check in on Alex first, and they found her staring at the wall in front of her. She was pale and Olivia could see as her hands shook.

"Honey." Olivia smiled softly as she pushed the door open more before letting herself and her fiance in.

"Oh, hi... What are you doing here?" Alex whispered.

"We wanted to come in and check in on you. Bring a few more things for you and that beautiful unnamed baby of yours." Rafael smiled.

"I still haven't figured out a name for her."

"I'll totally name her." Rafael offered, and Olivia smacked him.

"You aren't naming her, Rafael Barba. Now, we do want to talk about you and the baby moving back in with us."

"What? Liv, I can't do that. Your house is already packed enough as it is. Would my baby and I sleep on the couch?" Alex sniffled.

"No, you would take Cade's room. Cadey and Clayton can sleep together and once your daughter gets released-"

"They don't think she'll ever get released. She's incredibly sick and they are already giving me the end-of-life speech. They said that they will keep trying, but with all of their trying... nothing might work and I will be burying my daughter."