Sydney didn't have much, but that was fine with her. She didn't need much. Growing up on the Washington coast in a lonely beach town, working quietly behind the scenes was what she was good at. Living on the beach was much less glamorous than most p...
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Naked in the cold sun, breathing life like fire.
Sydney followed Chris into the little bathroom attached to her hospital room. She watched as he turned on the water, holding his hand under the stream to measure the temperature. Once he was satisfied, he turned to her. "You can keep the gown on. I'm sure they have another one around here somewhere." Sydney shook her head, closing her eyes. She had no interest in hiding. Not anymore, and not from him. Going forward she planned on sharing nothing short of everything with him. "Untie it, please." He stared at her for a long moment, registering what she said. "Are you sure?" "Yes." He reached up slowly, pulling the strings to loosen the top knot first, followed by the lower one. The starchy gown fell to the ground around her feet, and she stood completely exposed before him. When she turned to face him a lump formed in his throat. The center of her chest, from her belly button to just above her breasts, was a dark purple and red. She watched him as he took in the finger shaped bruises on her neck, and the scrapes on her arms and knees. He said nothing, kissing her sweetly before removing his shirt and helping her into the tiny shower. She let her eyes flutter closed as the warm water cascaded over her body and Chris threaded his fingers into her hair. His touch was tender, loving, gentle. This felt so intimate... intimacy that had very little to do with her lack of clothing and everything to do with the trust, love and respect they had for one another. "Thank you." Sydney said, turning to him and looking up into his eyes as he finished rinsing the conditioner from her long hair. "Anything for you." The bright fluorescent lights overhead were harsh, illuminating each blemish, each pore, each bruise, any out of place or unshaven hair, every single flaw on their bodies. Yet, they both looked at each other as if nobody else existed. They both held nothing but gratitude for this moment, this experience that solidified everything that had been building between them for two years. They didn't have to hide their feelings anymore, and that was both exciting and terrifying. "I love you Sydney Lee." "I love you too." Chris let his eyes roam over her body. After all the times he had thought about her naked, this was the last way he could have expected it to happen. There was a sort of beauty in this moment they shared together, and Chris was honored to be the one she placed her trust in. "Are you finished?" "Yeah." He turned to grab a towel as she turned off the water. She stepped into his arms and he wrapped it around her body. As he gazed down at her, he noted the color in her cheeks looked significantly better that the grayish white from before. It was good to see. Drying himself off also, he grabbed his discarded shirt and joined her back in the room. She was sitting on the edge of the bed so he crossed the floor and started going through the drawers and cupboards until he found what he was after. The air between them was thick with unanswered questions, longing, and exhaustion as he slowly pulled the towel from her damp body. Respectfully, he kept his gaze on her injured arm as he guided it through the clean gown. Once her other arm was securely in place he went behind her to fasten the ties on the back. Goosebumps sprawled across her skin at the light brush of his fingers, and he smiled to himself before leaning forward to leave a trail of light kisses from her earlobe to her shoulder. "Lay back and relax." He whispered. Sydney did just that, smiling at him as he sat beside her and grabbed ahold of her hand. The warm blue hue of his eyes was bright with the spring sunshine outside the large windows, and she could lose herself in them easily. Though, she could see the sadness that lingered in his gaze. She knew that it wasn't easy for him to see her this way. If their places were switched she knew that she would be just as concerned, but it meant a lot to her that he didn't look away. He saw her, just as he always had. He looked at her the way she had always needed to be looked at: as if he saw her for exactly who she was, flaws and all, and loved her anyways. "Hey Syd? Can I ask you a few questions... about what happened?" Sydney steeled herself, knowing that this was coming eventually. She had no intention of keeping the truth from him, but that didn't make it an easy story to tell. "You can ask me anything you need to ask, Chris. I don't want to keep any secrets from you anymore." "Okay." He breathed, trying to decide where to start. "Susan told me that you left with him because you feared for your safety." "I did... but that was only part of it." "Why didn't you tell me what he was doing?" Sydney took a deep breath, knowing that this was going to hurt him more than her. Adam had already hurt her enough. "I couldn't. His father is the chief of police. Everyone at UW loved him. He threatened to go after you and the guys, and because of all of his connections I believed that he would. That night you dropped me off...after Andy... I found out he had sold my truck. All my dads tapes and my notebooks were inside it. He had our things already packed and ready to go, including the forged resignation letter he sent to Susan. There was also another woman in our bed, naked and tall and gorgeous. I got so angry at him, and temporarily forgot all of his threats. I tried to leave, but he... he forced me to go. He had a knife and- and I was really scared." He didn't respond, shock and anger passing over his face, so she kept talking. "He had threatened me before about what would happen if I tried to leave him. When I figured out he was sleeping with other women, he got me to stay by telling me all the things he would do to you guys and your families if I didn't. He said he wouldn't let anyone else have me. I couldn't stand the thought of you guys being in danger because of my decisions, so I stayed. He'd hurt me so many times, without remorse, I couldn't imagine what he'd do to you. He hates you." Chris rubbed a hand over his unshaved chin, letting her words sink in. She had taken the abuse in order to protect him and their friends. He already knew she was strong, and now he knew how selfless she was too. "So you went with him... then what made you decide to risk all of that to come back home?" It was Sydney's turn to pause, wishing she could shield him from what had happened next. "Two things. The first is that he started forcing himself on me again, but without protection. He started talking about having lots of kids. I had to sneak off to a health clinic to get birth control. Then... after that he told me that we were getting married." "He told you?" He asked, heart wrenching uncomfortably. "Yeah. I woke up with the ring on my finger. I knew then that I couldn't stay there any longer. I would rather take the chance of him killing me than to stay there and become his wife or have his children. I just couldn't-" Chris's face was unreadable as her voice cut off. He was doing his best to remain calm, even though his insides felt like they were turning inside out with rage and sadness. He was so upset it made him feel sick. "So... you picked a fight with him. So that he would get caught." Sydney nodded. "I let him think I slept with you. I'm sorry. I just wanted to make him mad enough to cause a scene." "Don't be sorry." Squeezing her hand that he still held tightly with both of his own he then brought her fingers to his lips. "When, uh... when did it start? Him being violent?" He asked after a moment. "Um... it was that night before our first tour with Jason. He didn't want me to leave and he was screaming in my face... I tried to shove him away from me and he hit me. After that I waited until he passed out drunk and snuck out of the apartment and into your bed. Remember?" "Yeah." He whispered. He knew something had been wrong that day. Knowing now that she had fled her own home in the middle of the night, it broke him. She had come to him, to his house and hid away in his bed just to find a place where she felt safe. Yet he'd had no idea what she had really been going through. Somehow he'd missed it all. "Before that night, he'd had only hit walls and thrown things." She continued, her voice quieter now. "I should have seen it coming right from the beginning. That night on Halloween when I first met him and I'd had too much to drink. He was so nice. He helped me out and he said all the right things and- and we laughed really hard. Then we went to his place because I didn't have my keys. I remember telling him that I wanted to go to bed and him... not listening." Chris stood up just then, turning away from her and pacing the room. Startled, Sydney watched as his hands balled into fists and then flattened out again to run his long fingers through his hair. "Chris? I'm sorry I shouldn't have-" "That was all my fault. I'm the one who took your keys that night... I didn't think... I knew he was a fucking piece of shit! It's all my fault." "That was not your fault." Intending to go to him, she temporarily forgot about her injuries and gasped as sharp pain shot through her chest. She froze, her ears ringing. "Syd, don't." He muttered, coming around so that she wouldn't try and get up again. "I'm fine." She muttered. She grabbed his hands once more as he knelt before her. Unable to meet her gaze, he stared at their hands. Sydney was a strong woman but he should have known better. He should have trusted his gut and stayed with her instead of worrying how it would look to others. Sometimes she seemed so strong that it was easy to forget that she was also young and vulnerable in certain ways. In sheer size alone most men could overtake her, especially after she had been drinking. As scrappy as she was, the fact remained that she was barely over five feet tall and weighed in just a little over one hundred pounds. He should never have let her out of his sight that night. "I am so sorry. I thought I was protecting you but instead I fed you right to him." "No, no you didn't. I've had a lot of time over the last month to try and figure out how this all got so wrong, and I've blamed myself for a lot of things. Like not standing up for myself, for being too much of a coward to ask for help, or because after the first time he hit me...the first thing I did was apologize to him. Can you believe that shit?" She scoffed. His head remained low, so she lifted his chin up to look at her. Bringing his hand up, he cupped the side of her face and she pressed on. "I realized pretty quickly that the only person who has any blame in all of this is Adam. If any of our friends had been in Adam's shoes and let me crash at their place, they wouldn't have done what he did. You can't tell me I'm wrong about that." "You're not. I just feel like I should have known what was happening before it got this bad." "I hid it from everyone. There's a reason I became more distant. I hated lying to you, but eventually I felt like that's all I ever did. The only thing I wanted was to be with you. But things were so complicated at first and then I was just too scared. You know, I'm really tired of being scared." "You don't have to anymore. You're here now." "It's not going to just end. He's going to go to court. What will I do then? Will I have to go back there and testify?" "If you do then we will deal with it when it happens... together." "Really?" Nodding, he pressed his lips to hers again. "You know... the only person I ever told the truth about Adam to was Andy." "What? He didn't tell me?" "I didn't actually tell him anything. He asked me point blank if Adam had hit me, and I think my face gave it away. I think he just assumed that me and Adam were like him and Xana. Actually, he said something during that conversation that really stuck with me." "What's that?" "He said that people romanticize romance too much. That we grow up thinking that we can only truly succeed if we're loved by somebody, so the first time we find someone who says they love you, we kill ourselves trying to make it work." They were silent for a few moments, remembering their late friend. He hadn't been perfect, just as they themselves weren't perfect. It was almost therapeutic now, to share their imperfections with each other and not have to be afraid of what it would cost. "I wish things had been different when we met." He said finally. "I don't. We've had time to build something really special. I've fallen in love with you, despite the way you sometimes snore or how much you drive me insane or how ripe you smell after a show when we've been on the road for five days without a proper shower. We learned how to love each other without ever forcing it. I know in my gut that I love you even on days where I don't particularly like you." He smiled, letting out a short breath as he thought about it. She was right... if he had been single when they'd met, they may have burned too hot and too fast. They easily could have burned themselves right out. Now, they knew enough about one another to know that they could stand the heat. "I think you're on to something, Sydney Lee. I just wish your safety hadn't been the price we had to pay to get here."
